How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive



Message

shadowborn61 -> How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 8:37:01 AM)

Ok i am an older submissive who is just thinking about becoming active in my local community.
i have never been to a munch or a play party and until i get to know people i am a bit shy, those who know me would call BS on that statement but then again they know me and i am comfortable with my friends.
i am more likely to stand back and watch a scene being played out and form my questions and thoughts well before i speak or ask questions because i hate looking foolish or ignorant.
But from all i have read that is the fast track to the label "creeper".
So how do i avoid that?



Blonderfluff -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 8:41:15 AM)

There is nothing wrong with going to a munch or play party and just observing. It happens all the time.
Just use common sense and good manners. DONT speak loudly if you are watching a scene. It is rude.
DONT touch anything that is not yours. This goes for toys. And people.
Be polite.
There should be nothing "creepy" about that. Unless there is something you are not sharing, you should be fine.



shadowborn61 -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 8:57:59 AM)

No there is nothing i am not sharing.
It is just fear from reading some stuff on some of the sites i go to. i have read a lot of posts that talk about the "creepy old guy" at the last play party and really do not want to get that label.
As i said i am older and i am no model by any stretch of the imagination though i do not consider myself ugly i don't scare babies or small children lol.



shadowborn61 -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 8:59:20 AM)

Oh and i forgot to say that i would never touch anything not mine unless invited to as You said that is just rude.



MariaB -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 9:06:32 AM)

I agree with Blonderfluff.

Keep in mind, most munches are just friendly gatherings and the nearest you get to play is some very subtle D/s that won't be visible to the naked eye.

I always say to those new to clubbing, watch and learn. People really don't mind you watching providing you are not in their space and you aren't interrupting or disturbing their scene. People who play in clubs are often on the exhibitionist side of things and they enjoy the energy from the voyeurs.

If you really enjoy a scene, when its clearly over and they are both sat back down, there is nothing wrong with complimenting the dominant or both of them (never just the sub) for such a 'wonderful' scene.





peppermint -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 9:14:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowborn61

i have read a lot of posts that talk about the "creepy old guy" at the last


You couldn't be the creepy old guy at any of the parties we attend. You are way too young. We have people in their 60s and 70s at our parties. Your age is quite normal and would not be considered old at any event we attend.

To avoid being thought of as creepy, talk to people, be friendly. Get involved in the conversations that are happening away from the scenes. If you just stand there and stare at others' scenes without talking to anyone, well yes, you might be thought of as creepy. If you act normal and make an effort to get to know people then you won't seem creepy.



MariaB -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 9:22:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowborn61

No there is nothing i am not sharing.
It is just fear from reading some stuff on some of the sites i go to. i have read a lot of posts that talk about the "creepy old guy" at the last play party and really do not want to get that label.
As i said i am older and i am no model by any stretch of the imagination though i do not consider myself ugly i don't scare babies or small children lol.


The guy who always has his hand down his pants or openly gets his cock out is the creep but people like this get shown up for what they are. Nobody likes them, they are always on their own because like flashers, they are creepy loners.

I was once doing CBT on a guy and I crouched down because I had him tied to a St Andrews. Something shuffled to my left and as I turned my head I was met with a man's full frontal, 'wanna suck on this darlin'? he asked!! I won't tell you what I did but he threatened to have me up on a charge [:)] Now he was a creep! and so was the man who ejaculated that hard whilst I was involved in a scene with my fem sub, that it went on my shoe. That kind of creep quickly gets escorted and banned from clubs.

The sub males who constantly try and get in your space with 'Mistress, Mistress can I have your undivided attention?' are creeps and so are the male subs who massage your feet, with permission of course, and then suddenly start slavering on them or attempt to move their hands up your leg.


You get lots of male subs in clubs just watching the room. Watching the room really isn't creepy. Watch how the subs interact with the dominants. Watch the successful subs. What is it they are doing that's different from the sub who is continuously rejected?



shadowborn61 -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 9:25:07 AM)

Thanks to all of you i guess it is just kind of scary for me getting out there.
Like i said i am shy until i get to know people.



DarkSteven -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 9:39:20 AM)

As a male Dom, I ask women to play. I assume that male subs ask as well.

You gotta ask, and sometimes the askees feel creep vibes. Part of life, unfortunately.

One beautiful think you can do - I saw one male sub noiselessly get a glass of water for a woman who'd just been whipped and silently gave it to her right after her scene ended.

Basically, the more you interact with people without asking them to play, the less creeperish you will appear.

And it's not easy to be creeperish at a munch.



peppermint -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 10:35:37 AM)

I would also suggest that you write to the person who runs the munch. Find out if they have people who will meet for coffee one on one with newbies before a munch. We've done it. That way when you go to the munch you will have someone there you know. You have someone to sit beside and talk with you.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 11:10:26 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

I would also suggest that you write to the person who runs the munch. Find out if they have people who will meet for coffee one on one with newbies before a munch. We've done it. That way when you go to the munch you will have someone there you know. You have someone to sit beside and talk with you.


I was going to suggest this too. You should be able to find members of your local community on fetlife. I get shy too, but it's not so bad if there's one person who knows you're a bit unsure who can tell you people's names, or show you around a club.



kalikshama -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 11:21:56 AM)

I second the suggestions above.

I'm like this too:

quote:

until i get to know people i am a bit shy, those who know me would call BS on that statement but then again they know me and i am comfortable with my friends.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 11:25:36 AM)

FR~

I would have thought the answer was pretty straight-forward.

BDSM/kink or not - just observe social norms and don't do anything stupid.



ResidentSadist -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 11:37:08 AM)

1) Don't wear an old rain coat.
2) Don't walk around with both hands deep in your pants pockets.
3) Don't carry a bag of candy.
4) If you drive a white van, don't tell anyone.

That should do it. As everyone pretty much said, you'll do fine.



shadowborn61 -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 11:47:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

1) Don't wear an old rain coat.
2) Don't walk around with both hands deep in your pants pockets.
3) Don't carry a bag of candy.
4) If you drive a white van, don't tell anyone.

That should do it. As everyone pretty much said, you'll do fine.


Oh good lord i do have a white van but it s only used when my chevy breaks down or i need the room for camping gear.
As far as exposing myself in front of others while i might do so as part of a scene ( i am unsure of this) i would never do so just for the hell of it.



Kana -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 1:57:29 PM)

quote:

So how do i avoid that?


Don't be creepy.

Really, it's that fucking simple.

Be a gentleman. Introduce yourself.
Shake hands.Keep your eyes above the horizon line. Matter of fact, look them, especially the hers ,in the eyes.
Don't leer or devour them with your eyes.
Treat em like peeps and not pieces of meat. Show interest in their lives. Ask questions. Ask follow up questions. Chat.
Don't talk about sex.
Show some respect and consideration
(And no, not the online wannabe fin-domme type)
Be a decent freaking human being.
Treat others the way you would like them to treat you and, if you had one, yours.




FelineRanger -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 2:18:32 PM)

When I first started going to munches, I had just emerged from a major health problem and a long period of isolation brought on by that health problem, so my self-esteem was thoroughly in the toilet. On top of that, I am a loner and an introvert as well. So interacting with new people scared the living crap out of me. That being said, I also knew I needed to establish social ties to break my isolation. The first couple of munches, I actually didn't say much. But when I did have something to add to the conversation, I spoke up and showed that I have a functioning brain and even a sense of humor. Don't be afraid to go just to introduce yourself. Also, don't be afraid to admit that your nervous because everybody was nervous their first time.



sheisreeds -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 2:47:42 PM)

A couple of do's and don'ts from the perspective of a younger female who has been in and around the public scene for awhile at this point:

1. Try to not be a wallflower. Introduce yourself, initiate conversation, be yourself. Unfortunately due to there being a lot of creepers who tend towards being wallflowers at many munches and dungeons we all get a little wary of older single guy in the background. Whether or not it is intended it comes off as voyeuristic.

2. Do not play at protocol in any way shape or form unless you are with someone and it is consented part of your relationship. Just as everyone warns doms to not be domly with all subs, the same goes for submissives. Don't be meek, don't defer to others, instead be an equal.

3. Confidence and being well rounded go a long way.

4. Get comfortable with your own kinks and the kinks of others. Dungeons have lots of naked or mostly naked people doing some hot shit, and some which people may find disturbing. If you really want to stay out of creeper territory don't be the dude wide eyed walking around with an erection all night. I've seen these dudes and what does them in the most is their own discomfort. While not many tend to talk to the guy at the party who just goes ahead and wanks off openly in the dungeon, there is some respect there.

And seriously, wandering eyes will not get you far. Just because a chick has her bits out at a party does not make it ok to focus there. Once again what does folks in is their own discomfort.

5. Dress appropriately. For munches be causal. If you go to a play party alone go fully clothed. If you want to blend at a dungeon party all black tends to be fine. Don't show up in a gimp suit, or with a leash, or any of that nonsense. It is a rare male submissive that can pull this kind of thing off. And even if they pull it off enough to get some pick up play, they don't tend to get enough respect for long standing relationships.

6. Spend times lots of time in the social areas. For extra non creeper points make friends.

7. Do not interrupt a scene in progress, and this includes afterwards. A little bit of watching is cool, intense staring is not, it's actually disruptive to the scene. A male sub thing that has occasionally happened to be is offering to help in some way after a scene. Don't do that.



shadowborn61 -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 4:05:47 PM)

Again thank you all for the advice



littlewonder -> RE: How do you not get labeled a "creeper" (12/15/2013 4:08:04 PM)

don't hit on girls half your age unless you find through word of mouth that that girl likes much older men. Otherwise you will just be seen as the old creepy man or at the very least, a guy going through his midlife crisis.



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875