RE: Life After The Lifestyle

RE: Life After The Lifestyle (Full Version)

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ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/16/2013 4:42:17 AM)
Alrighty then. You're not talking regular BDSM, but the super duper new old guard (or was it old new guard?) BDSM in which you're every minute was controlled for so many years you lost yourself and now that makes you so super special how exactly? If I can be allowed to roughly translate, you were in a relationship (or a series of relationships) that were harsh and cruel, were tossed out into the world for saying 'no' and there is no therapist alive who can help you since it was the super duper brand of BDSM. So you came here looking for help. The details of your marital situation are not clear. You appear to be married to someone newish in BDSM. Do I have this right? You must think this entire board is comprised of utter idiots. Are there people who misuse their power within the context of a BDSM or new guard or old guard lifestyle? Yes there are. Are their slaves who have a difficult transition from such abusive relationships? Yes there are. Do crappy therapists exist? Again, yes. You don't face any unique challenges. You are not the only person in the world who's had it tough. You said this: quote: I do not know what questions to properly ask, because I am looking for the answers to how to be more normal and if I knew how to live more comfortably without the things I am so accustomed to I wouldn't need to go out there and ask for help. What a bunch of crock! Everything in your posts is either about how special you are, and how tough poor little you have had it. Because you had this special brand of super duper BDSM, so now you have a great excuse for why you can't cope with the world. Again, you must think us all idiots. I'm not even going to address Rawni's revelations about what a bull shitter and game player you are. Get help. Real professional help. Those of us here are not 'special' enough to help you.

DarkSteven -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/16/2013 4:48:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Are their slaves who have a difficult transition from such abusive relationships? Yes there are. Hell, I can't even handle her transitions from being an abused female in her first post to being a male in a vanilla marriage later on, from a single in her post to a couple in her profile/later posts, etc. Rawni seems to have some idea what's going on, but I sure don't. I feel like I'm wrestling with the old man of the sea (for you classicists) or Mystique (for you fans of current pop culture).

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/16/2013 4:56:41 AM)
Steven, it's b/c you're not 'special' enough to understand. You just don't get the super duper BDSM. Once you've survived that, you don't know what gender you are, or whether or not you're married, or anything else. Shesh, you expect piggy's posts to be consistent from one thread to the next? <shakes head sadly> If you were a super duper dom, you'd understand all these inconsistencies.

angelikaJ -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/16/2013 6:25:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni Whatever. You fail to address where you have misrepresented what you are doing here in various ways and how you continue to try to come out looking ever so sweet, when you are not being fully honest. I do have screen shots of when you joined, when you last updated, etc. and you have said on this very thread that you left the lifestyle and were not using those sites. I don't give a shit if you use them. I just think that for someone looking for a little help and understanding, to twist the truth... isn't doing you any favors. Most of us tend to want to deal with others in honesty. I am truly sorry you were hurt... and sorry that you feel you cannot live normally because of your past, but the bottom line is, until you start dealing with things honestly and presenting yourself honestly, without disrespecting others that aren't old guard and are into this new lessor bdsm... some just won't take you seriously. May you heal and grow and the powers that be bless your wife... Rawni, I think you are missing a vital bit of information: obviously this poor woman's... I mean errr... man's profiles everywhere have been hacked. To the OP, So, I guess your wife knows and you are screwed. Something tells me that you won't mind it so much. Find a therapist. You are going to need it. I already suggested the how. (Which you ignored... .) You are welcome to take the advice or not- But IF you want what you have never had you must do what you have never done... and in your case, that might include some very painful honesty with someone who can help: a therapist.

JetOnly -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/16/2013 9:48:39 AM)
Hmm I have no idea what is true and what is strange dreamings and I am not really sure even what the OP wants coming on here However I try on forums to take people at their word So the one thing that stood out in the OP about therapists saying they were not qualified, this should not be taken as a cop out and someone kicking a person out - if someone has lived such a institutionalised life for such an extended period of time then this would require very specialist help - like the help that people get when they have been kidnapped as youths and kept against their will a therapist saying they are not qualified is a good and honest thing - its like going to a GP and getting a strop on because they wont do brain surgery IF this is true then you would need referred to an expert with experience in that kind of field Although there are whole lots that seem not to add up in the posts I will give the benifit of doubt

MariaB -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/16/2013 12:26:05 PM)
Wow, I mean WOW! my eyes hurt and my brains gone all mushed! To the op, how did you meet your vanilla wife? and did she never suspect there was something odd and confusing about you? or did you manage to hold it all together until you were wed? I notice from your profile, that your vanilla wife is actually a switch? so is she vanilla or is she switch? I think you do need help. You need help for believing your own imagination and letting it run away with you. You need help because you don't even have the ability to re-read through your posts, your profile and what you recently wrote on other sites and see how much you contradict everything you say. Crock of ....... comes to mind.

kiwisub12 -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/17/2013 3:29:55 PM)
OP - there is a point where everyone fakes it - to make it. And this means that at some time everyone feels out of step with the world. and I understand your point about missing the control. When my dom died, I would have given my eyeteeth for a beating the way he did them. However, he did die, and I had to go on. I found another compatible man - who wasn't a dominant at all, he is a sadist, and there is nothing similar between the two. I had to get my head around the fact that my sweetie wasn't my late dom, and he wasn't going to act like my late dom, and things weren't ever going to be the same - AND the fact that it was unrealistic and less than honest to my sweetie to want him to act in any way other than what came honestly to him. Seems to me that if you can fake it enough to court and marry someone you aren't doing so badly in the real world. I'm thinking google may be your best friend. That and the little voice in your head that says "I can do this". You just have to fake it until it becomes normal for you. As for giving kink up completely - I think you are in for a hard time. I can't imagine giving all this up. I just don't think it would happen.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/20/2013 2:14:48 PM)
So much to say but, it's all been said. Way to go team. We talked about this at an NLA meeting recently. BDSM is what we do, leather is who we are. The old guard spirit in which leather was born, was that spirit of freedom and exploration. Men were coming home from a war they won. A war and a military where they first experienced homosexuality. They came home to a world where the typical family didn't have a car. But these guys were able to buy cheap surplus Motorcycles with their savings. The uniform of the motorcycle, leather. That would be like us being able to buy a spaceship for $200. Sure, I am extremely respectful of and grateful to our forefathers for what they gave us. But what we inherited and what has been crafted since are two different things. Things changed but the core spirit didn't. The old ways weren't better. They are just old and should be nostalgically cherished for what they are, our history not our future.

mnottertail -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/20/2013 2:17:13 PM)
Cuz the good old days weren't always good; and tomorrow's not as bright as it seems.............. Billy Joel.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/20/2013 2:34:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Cuz the good old days weren't always good; and tomorrow's not as bright as it seems.............. Billy Joel. Nostalgia is a way of recycling old garbage with coat of fresh paint while looking at it through rose colored glasses. Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory. ~Franklin Pierce Adams

mnottertail -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/20/2013 3:03:11 PM)
Yeah, we would all be driving dogcarts, it is gonna change, it is gonna morph it is gonna be more tech and less stone axes...........or it wont survive.

njlauren -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/21/2013 11:38:57 AM)
I must have run into inauthentic "authentic' old guard types, ones who were there a long time ago, and one of the things I never saw with them is being cut off from reality, the way the OP kind of claims they were. I have know old guard slaves and masters, and I never saw what this poster is claiming, that they were so cut off they couldn't exist in 'real' society like that. I am sure there are 24/7 slaves who were kept apart from society and such, but personally I think that that is not leather or BD/SM, but abuse, it is what an abuser does, cuts someone off from society and makes them into their own object....Unless someone is living in a chateau with a very well off person, I just don't understand how someone could be like the OP is saying.....especially these days, I just don't see how many people could live like that and be that cut off. And I agree, could someone like that function well enough to date and marry a vanilla woman? If so, one for the record books. For the OP, I would recommend seriously getting therapy, to get your head on straight. It is one thing to live a leather lifestyle within the confines of those relationship, it is another where it is such it stops you from functioning normally. The DSM with most things like fetishes and Domme/sub things, has come to the conclusion they are perfectly within the realm of 'normal' behavior as long as they don't detract from functioning in every day life. What you are describing, if it is real, is someone who has been abused, cut off from reality in many ways. In some ways, it reminds me of the trans gals I knew, who were caught up in a world some called "tranny space", where they went from support groups to trans clubs, to having sex with 'admirers, to immersing themselves in the virtual world of chat rooms, etc....and never got beyond that, and I am including people who transitioned, had SRS, you name it..and were still stuck there. Ask them if they ever went out with friends to a movie, they would say no. Ask them about work, and many of them were kind of living a shadow life, not because they probably had to, but because they couldn't quite make the jump into real life (it is one of the reasons that a trans person not using a therapist is a like a person acting as their own lawyer...).... If you are genuine, the real answer is that the 'new old guard' or whatever you belonged to, screwed you up, because in a sense it make you adept at living in a kind of fantasy world (that doesn't mean I think leather isn't real, or that I don't respect it), but rather that you were living in a world cut off from reality. Lady P is leather, others on here are, and I have known leatherfolk, and they all, sub/slave or master/mistress, had their feet in both worlds, the people worked, had relationships, existed with people outside the leather world, so they could handle it and in general are well adjusted to both worlds, while they prefer that their lives be as much in the leather community as they desire it to be. It is why someone in a 24/7 of any kind who isn't thinking of an endgame, what happens after it is done, either M or s, is doing a major mistake.

HipPoindexter -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/21/2013 12:28:16 PM)
there is an excellent documentary called "blast from the past" about a young man struggling with many of these same issues. it's pretty intense, but i suggest you check it out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhMQOb0tEmI

FilmWithMistrix -> RE: Life After The Lifestyle (12/26/2013 3:57:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist So much to say but, it's all been said. Way to go team. We talked about this at an NLA meeting recently. BDSM is what we do, leather is who we are. The old guard spirit in which leather was born, was that spirit of freedom and exploration. Men were coming home from a war they won. A war and a military where they first experienced homosexuality. They came home to a world where the typical family didn't have a car. But these guys were able to buy cheap surplus Motorcycles with their savings. The uniform of the motorcycle, leather. That would be like us being able to buy a spaceship for $200. Sure, I am extremely respectful of and grateful to our forefathers for what they gave us. But what we inherited and what has been crafted since are two different things. Things changed but the core spirit didn't. The old ways weren't better. They are just old and should be nostalgically cherished for what they are, our history not our future. This. Times two.

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