Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF?

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Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/17/2013 5:15:53 PM

dcnovice

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As most of you know, I've been recovering much of this year from rectal cancer and a subsequent infection. The latter really drained my stamina, so my kind folks have hired an aide to come thrice a week and tackle things I can't. She's a huge help, and I like her a lot.

Yesterday, she mentioned that she has a boyfriend who's almost a fiance. The "almost" is because his drinking impedes his keeping a job. (He's a legal secretary.) My humble advice was not to wed till there'd been some clear, durable progress on the alcohol front.

Today, I realized I need to postpone tomorrow's appointment, so I called the number she'd given me. It turned out to be her home, and I got, yes, the bf. He was--well, surreal is the only word. Clearly more than a few sheets to the wind. He told me he was my aide's troubled fiance and that he probably shouldn't answer the phone, because he'd already cost her one job with his weirdness.

I gave my name and message, and he fixated on whether on my surname is Jewish. (It usually is, but my family has been Catholic for as long as we can trace.) He said he'd grown up in NYC and connected well with Jews. It was all surpassing strange.

So . . .

Do I tell my aide. I wasn't affronted, but I can see how other clients might be--which she'd probably like/need to know. Or should I mind my own business? Any thoughts?

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/17/2013 5:51:38 PM

freedomdwarf1

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Personally, I think she should know.
And probably better coming straight from a patient she might lose rather than a formal warning from her manager.

And I also think you're right in your advice to her.
Nobody should put up with a drunken asshat at the best of times but seeing as her almost-fiance has lost her a job before because of his weirdness, that's a mega-huge red flag to seriously re-evaluate her position with him.

Tough call.
But if tackled discreetly, she should appreciate the heads-up before someone drops a bomb behind her back.

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/17/2013 6:01:06 PM

thishereboi

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If I were in her position I think I would rather hear it from you than wait until he pisses someone off enough to call my boss.

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/17/2013 6:28:52 PM

jlf1961

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The intelligent and sane thing to do is to let her know.

But if you want to take the Rube Goldberg/American Dad/Family guy way, you hire a person of questionable character, give him the money to cover FedEx shipping costs for a large crate to be shipped to a Buddhist monastery somewhere in the most remote region of Nepal, so that he can gain spiritual enlightenment, or freeze his balls off whichever.

FYI, you are still in my prayers while you continue to fight your battle.

I had the ablation to remove the tumor from my kidney last month, and I go back in January to see if they got it all.

to be honest, I hope we both hear good news soon.

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/17/2013 8:40:36 PM

littlewonder

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I would just approach it to her in a friendly manner...maybe something along the lines of "I'm really not trying to be a buttinski, but you may want to be careful about your fiance answering the phone. I really like you a lot and I'd hate to see anything bad happen to you because of him........blah blah blah" or something along those lines.

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/17/2013 9:56:11 PM

TheHeretic

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Assuming he gave her the message, then she already knows you have spoken with him. If she shows up for the appointment you called to cancel, then there is your opening. If she got the message, then you could wait until the conversation comes around to him again on a future visit, and be able to say what you feel needs saying in a casual way, in the organic flow of the conversation.

Keep getting better, DC.

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/18/2013 6:08:14 AM

FrostedFlake

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The Heretic hit the nail, squarely.

Best wishes.

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/18/2013 12:33:42 PM

iaminigo

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Of course tell her! Both in a professional and a personal capacity she should hear about it, especially from someone nice who's not necessarily complaining.

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/18/2013 12:36:15 PM

mnottertail

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and if you dont have her talking about it when she sees you, you can kinda go, where were you last whenever, I missed ya, and let it flow.

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/18/2013 1:46:54 PM

SeekingTrinity

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~FRing it~

If it was me and I was her, Id want to know if my clients who I care for are facing this from my drunken boyfriend if they call me. This is what I would consider screwing with my livelihood.

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/18/2013 1:53:18 PM

mnottertail

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Yeh, she needs to get a cellphone with voicemail, and needs to flush a toilet somewhere, right into the sewer.

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/18/2013 2:04:32 PM

LadyPact

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DC, I don't think you really have a choice in the matter. Sure, you were a nice guy (no shock there) and dealt with it in stride. You have to realize that not everybody is going to be as nice or understanding as you.

I'm not big on poking My nose in if somebody drinks too much or if they are 420 friendly or whatever else if they aren't harming another person. The problem is that there is definitely a potential for harm if there is a possibility of her losing clients or even the job. She's already aware because she did tell you a part of it. The suggestion of a cell phone for only calls related to work sounds like an excellent idea.

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/18/2013 2:08:23 PM

kalikshama

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Definitely tell her.

It's especially easy because she's already given you the opening. "Remember what you told me about your fiance? Well, ..."

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RE: Bizarre Dilemma: Report a Drunk BF? - 12/18/2013 2:57:41 PM

freedomdwarf1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic
Assuming he gave her the message.... <snip>

That's a big assumption considering we're talking about leaving a message with someone who's 3-sheets to the wind.
Chances are, he'll only remember taking a call from somebody but won't remember who or what for.

My OH's ex was frequently sailing on his own with drink and he barely remembered where he was most of the time let alone what anyone said to him or anything at all in fact.
He used to wake up completely unaware of what happened during his drinking bouts.

Unless there's a clue in DC's conversation with their aide that she actually got a sensible message, I would assume she got no message or something completely incoherent.

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