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RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 11:42:44 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

Sorry Igor, no response IS a response - it's a flat-out refusal to communicate.

Analogy -
Just like electioneering.
You know the people are in, you've seen the curtains twitch.
You spot the XYZ poster in the window.
You ignore it because you think you can win them over to your side.
You bang on the door but get no response.

Now, do you think you should keep banging the door because you know someone is home?
Or do you accept that they just don't want to talk to you.
That, in itself, is your answer.

So.... no answer is a response whether you like it or not.
And no, it's not necessarily rude because you have your answer.
Quite simply, they don't want to talk to you.

ETA: Just thought.... Who is being the rudest??
The recipient for not making a reply, or
You, for not reading the signs in the first place and disturbing people unneccessarily and against their wishes?

< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 12/18/2013 11:46:11 AM >

(in reply to igor2003)

Post #: 21

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 11:44:37 AM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

First, I would not respond to your email because of the negative remarks. It's a turn off. Plain and simple.

Second, I have in my profile that i do not respond to emails unless i know you and maybe not even then. I also said i was not looking for anything at this time. Guess what? The emails kept coming so i just have the profile hidden now.

Third, don't let them get to you. If they do not respond, there could be any number of reasons. But if I was you, i would get the negative stuff off your journel.

I hope this does not come across as ragging and you take everyone's suggestions with a grain of salt. As with everything, take what you need and leave the rest.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)

Post #: 22

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 11:59:54 AM

iaminigo

Posts: 77
Joined: 2/3/2013
Status: offline

No reply is not rude - certainly not on this site. But feel free to take that as a sign that you don't like someone and move on.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 23

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 12:38:06 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Back in the day in 2006 when I first began my CM adventure, I was one of those types who felt I should reply to everyone even if to say "thanks, but no thank you." It's the polite thing to do, right?

Over time, that politeness got killed in me. If you are kind, you get things like "fuck you, you fat cunt. You should be thankful someone would even be interested in you" hurled in your direction. Why open myself to that kind of verbal abuse all because I knew ahead of time it was not a compatible match?

Am I saying everyone is this way? Of course not. If they don't reply to you, the worst you've wasted is a bit of time it took to write the initial message in the first place. Keep trying though. It took me 6 years to finally meet the one I met...and the wait was well worth it. Good luck to you and please don't be discouraged, OP.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 24

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 1:44:21 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeadlyReign
if a person goes through all that time to introduce themselves and leave you a message saying they are interested in talking to you, the least you could do is a friendly rejection.

I think that the best thing to do when you're not interested in someone is just tell them right off.

Dear DR,

I am not interested in talking to you.

Please reply.

Dear DR,

I am not interested in talking to you.

Please reply.

Dear DR,

I am not interested in talking to you.

Please reply.

Dear DR,

I am not interested in talking to you.

Please reply.

_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to DeadlyReign)

Post #: 25

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 2:36:16 PM

DeadlyReign

Posts: 15
Joined: 4/26/2013
Status: offline

Well obviously there are some who agree and some who disagree.

First off, sending someone an e-mail is not like sending spam. Spam is often created by a machine and asks for credit cards and personal information. Yes, I would delete that. Not something someone sent personally that involved wanting to get to know them.

Second, real world doesn't excuse not replying AFTER they read it. I have a job that has me working from dawn til dusk like many other people, and then I come home to a ton of school work that I need to get done, but when I get the time to read a message, I reply IMMEDIATELY. If you have time to read, you have time to reply. period.

Third, If someone sends you a message who could even be all the way on the other side of the world, you can still tell them a reply of "no thanks. good luck though".

Fourth, this website was made to bring people who like S&M together and form relationships (be they sub and dom, plutonic friends, or romantic partners). Coming onto a site that is designed for that, claiming you want to meet people, tell them your interests, and then ignore when someone is trying to make any form of connection is ridiculous.

And fifth, the fact that so many of you want to claim I am having a "tantrum" for asking for a bit of common curtisey has been quite a let-down. I am mature enough to accept a reject or two, but I am irritated that our socitiety has developed such a rude streak that no one wants to reply to a simple friendly message. And the use of saying that someone would continue to harass them is a stupid excuse. The block button was created for a reason. Don't give me that new age "cyber bullying" crap.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 26

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 2:40:21 PM

iaminigo

Posts: 77
Joined: 2/3/2013
Status: offline

Would it be rude if I read your post and didn't reply? What if my reply was "wow, he's still throwing a tantrum?" Would it be more rude to answer than not? You can rail at things you don't like about society, but that's not going to make it our problem.

(in reply to DeadlyReign)

Post #: 27

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 2:45:20 PM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline

First of all, no reply is not rude. The odds are that it was kicked out by the receiver's email filters.

Second, complaining about it doesn't say much about the person sending the message.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to iaminigo)

Post #: 28

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 2:46:46 PM

DeadlyReign

Posts: 15
Joined: 4/26/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iaminigo

Would it be rude if I read your post and didn't reply? What if my reply was "wow, he's still throwing a tantrum?" Would it be more rude to answer than not? You can rail at things you don't like about society, but that's not going to make it our problem.

Even a negative reply is still better than nothing at all. As I said, I don't care if you're not interested, but I do care that you would have the common courtisey to say something at all. what is the point of having a website where people don't reply or talk?

(in reply to iaminigo)

Post #: 29

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 2:53:55 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

They reply and they talk, just not to you.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to DeadlyReign)

Post #: 30

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 2:56:16 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeadlyReign
Well obviously there are some who agree and some who disagree.

First off, sending someone an e-mail is not like sending spam. Spam is often created by a machine and asks for credit cards and personal information. Yes, I would delete that. Not something someone sent personally that involved wanting to get to know them.

Second, real world doesn't excuse not replying AFTER they read it. I have a job that has me working from dawn til dusk like many other people, and then I come home to a ton of school work that I need to get done, but when I get the time to read a message, I reply IMMEDIATELY. If you have time to read, you have time to reply. period.

Third, If someone sends you a message who could even be all the way on the other side of the world, you can still tell them a reply of "no thanks. good luck though".

Fourth, this website was made to bring people who like S&M together and form relationships (be they sub and dom, plutonic friends, or romantic partners). Coming onto a site that is designed for that, claiming you want to meet people, tell them your interests, and then ignore when someone is trying to make any form of connection is ridiculous.

And fifth, the fact that so many of you want to claim I am having a "tantrum" for asking for a bit of common curtisey has been quite a let-down. I am mature enough to accept a reject or two, but I am irritated that our socitiety has developed such a rude streak that no one wants to reply to a simple friendly message. And the use of saying that someone would continue to harass them is a stupid excuse. The block button was created for a reason. Don't give me that new age "cyber bullying" crap.

I can see why you're having a hard time meeting submissive women in an online environment. If you really don't understand why you are having trouble, and you want some pointers, say that. Until then, your language is full of responsiblity-avoidance. You can't get a date because of Society.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DeadlyReign)

Post #: 31

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 2:57:45 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeadlyReign

Is it just me, or does it seem like that almost everyone on this site have a huge problem with a simple reply message? I mean, you send someone a message, they read it, and then they never reply. Perhaps I'm just a little old school, but that's just rude. I mean, if a person goes through all that time to introduce themselves and leave you a message saying they are interested in talking to you, the least you could do is a friendly rejection. Ignoring someone just seems more...childish.

Perhaps its just me who's experienced this, but I think that the best thing to do when you're not interested in someone is just tell them right off. If they are mature, they will accept it and move on. If they aren't...well....that's what the report button is for...just saying.

They are sending you a message. You just ain't getting it

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to DeadlyReign)

Post #: 32

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 3:01:10 PM

Apocalypso

Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeadlyReign
First off, sending someone an e-mail is not like sending spam. Spam is often created by a machine and asks for credit cards and personal information. Yes, I would delete that. Not something someone sent personally that involved wanting to get to know them.

A lot of the messages that women get on here are in no way "personal". They're generic cut and pasted mesages.

quote:

Second, real world doesn't excuse not replying AFTER they read it. I have a job that has me working from dawn til dusk like many other people, and then I come home to a ton of school work that I need to get done, but when I get the time to read a message, I reply IMMEDIATELY.

Yes, but you aren't comparing like and like. Let's assume you're really popular on here. Let's say you're getting one message a day. Whereas it's really not unusual for women to get three pages.

quote:

Third, If someone sends you a message who could even be all the way on the other side of the world, you can still tell them a reply of "no thanks. good luck though".

Yeah, you could do. But why the fuck should I? I owe strangers absolutely nothing, regardless of what ridiculous overblown sense of entitlement they may or may not have.

quote:

Fourth, this website was made to bring people who like S&M together and form relationships (be they sub and dom, plutonic friends, or romantic partners). Coming onto a site that is designed for that, claiming you want to meet people, tell them your interests, and then ignore when someone is trying to make any form of connection is ridiculous.

No it's not. They specifically do not want to make any connection with you. That's entirely consistent. The fact I'll talk to some people does not mean I'll talk to everyone. You should only be messaging people who specifically guarantee a reply if that's what you want. Otherwise, it's your fault for projecting your assumptions on other people without justification.

quote:

And fifth, the fact that so many of you want to claim I am having a "tantrum" for asking for a bit of common curtisey has been quite a let-down. I am mature enough to accept a reject or two, but I am irritated that our socitiety has developed such a rude streak that no one wants to reply to a simple friendly message.

It's not that "no one" does. Back when I was using CM more frequently, I got a fair few replies. If you aren't, you need to write better messages as opposed to blaming others for your failure.

Because, in all honesty, I also think this says something negative about our society, but it's very different then your conclusion. I think it's irritating that people are arriving online without the ability to understand that expecting strangers to talk to them is an unreasonable assumption of intimacy. And I also think it's a sad reflection of society that there are people who are so pitiful that they feel the need for complete strangers to validate their existence. Get a hobby or something.

_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to DeadlyReign)

Post #: 33

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 3:02:28 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Holy fuck Apocalypso. You've been on fire the last few days.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Apocalypso)

Post #: 34

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 3:04:03 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

I was thinking the same thing! I just got a touch of post crush after reading Apocalypo's reply

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 35

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 3:04:40 PM

iaminigo

Posts: 77
Joined: 2/3/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeadlyReign

quote:

ORIGINAL: iaminigo

Would it be rude if I read your post and didn't reply? What if my reply was "wow, he's still throwing a tantrum?" Would it be more rude to answer than not? You can rail at things you don't like about society, but that's not going to make it our problem.

Even a negative reply is still better than nothing at all. As I said, I don't care if you're not interested, but I do care that you would have the common courtisey to say something at all. what is the point of having a website where people don't reply or talk?

I believe common courtesy teaches us that if we don't have something nice to say, not to say anything at all...

(in reply to DeadlyReign)

Post #: 36

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 3:04:45 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity
I was thinking the same thing! I just got a touch of post crush after reading Apocalypo's reply

Hee hee. I sure didn't! I am completely heterosexual!

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 37

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 3:14:11 PM

DeadlyReign

Posts: 15
Joined: 4/26/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Apocalypso

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeadlyReign
First off, sending someone an e-mail is not like sending spam. Spam is often created by a machine and asks for credit cards and personal information. Yes, I would delete that. Not something someone sent personally that involved wanting to get to know them.

A lot of the messages that women get on here are in no way "personal". They're generic cut and pasted mesages.

quote:

Second, real world doesn't excuse not replying AFTER they read it. I have a job that has me working from dawn til dusk like many other people, and then I come home to a ton of school work that I need to get done, but when I get the time to read a message, I reply IMMEDIATELY.

Yes, but you aren't comparing like and like. Let's assume you're really popular on here. Let's say you're getting one message a day. Whereas it's really not unusual for women to get three pages.

quote:

Third, If someone sends you a message who could even be all the way on the other side of the world, you can still tell them a reply of "no thanks. good luck though".

Yeah, you could do. But why the fuck should I? I owe strangers absolutely nothing, regardless of what ridiculous overblown sense of entitlement they may or may not have.

quote:

Fourth, this website was made to bring people who like S&M together and form relationships (be they sub and dom, plutonic friends, or romantic partners). Coming onto a site that is designed for that, claiming you want to meet people, tell them your interests, and then ignore when someone is trying to make any form of connection is ridiculous.

No it's not. They specifically do not want to make any connection with you. That's entirely consistent. The fact I'll talk to some people does not mean I'll talk to everyone. You should only be messaging people who specifically guarantee a reply if that's what you want. Otherwise, it's your fault for projecting your assumptions on other people without justification.

quote:

And fifth, the fact that so many of you want to claim I am having a "tantrum" for asking for a bit of common curtisey has been quite a let-down. I am mature enough to accept a reject or two, but I am irritated that our socitiety has developed such a rude streak that no one wants to reply to a simple friendly message.

It's not that "no one" does. Back when I was using CM more frequently, I got a fair few replies. If you aren't, you need to write better messages as opposed to blaming others for your failure.

Because, in all honesty, I also think this says something negative about our society, but it's very different then your conclusion. I think it's irritating that people are arriving online without the ability to understand that expecting strangers to talk to them is an unreasonable assumption of intimacy. And I also think it's a sad reflection of society that there are people who are so pitiful that they feel the need for complete strangers to validate their existence. Get a hobby or something.

Wow you start one post out of boredom, and everyone jumps on the idea of creating their own opinions about it. I think I will end it here though because I need to focus on life. Marviouls waltz there apocalypso. You did a fine display of "douchebag with a chip on his shoulder" for that I give you the golden crap trophy. Personally, I just wanted to see how many of you would dance on this topic, and like moths to a flame, you came a fluttering in. weather you are right or wrong means nothing because you gave me a better show than when I told that guy in the comic book store that Spider-Man was my favorite DC hero. Bravo everyone Bravo!!

-Not a single fuck given: DeadlyReign Jenkins.

(in reply to Apocalypso)

Post #: 38

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 3:15:41 PM

Apocalypso

Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline

https://encyclopediadramatica.es/It_was_a_social_experiment

_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to DeadlyReign)

Post #: 39

RE: Why so rude? - 12/18/2013 3:16:48 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeadlyReign
Third, If someone sends you a message who could even be all the way on the other side of the world, you can still tell them a reply of "no thanks. good luck though".

Let's preface this with the fact that I was very plain in what appears in My profile. Frankly, if somebody is on the other side of the world, that doesn't effect Me one way or the other. They are going to do whatever they are going to do, but it has nothing to do with Me.

I think this is one of those instances where a male just doesn't understand what kind of volume of unwanted email actually is received by females here. Over the course of years, do you even realize how many thousands, if not tens of thousands times a person would have to type that out? It's seriously not worth it.

quote:

Fourth, this website was made to bring people who like S&M together and form relationships (be they sub and dom, plutonic friends, or romantic partners). Coming onto a site that is designed for that, claiming you want to meet people, tell them your interests, and then ignore when someone is trying to make any form of connection is ridiculous.

You're skipping the point that many of us aren't on the website for that at all. There's absolutely nothing in My profile that says I'm on the site to meet anyone. (Oddly enough, I've met more folks from this site than most.) That doesn't mean I want to meet everyone. Saying I enjoy friends doesn't mean that anybody who drops a note is somebody that I'm interested in being friends with. Very much why I say I stick with interacting with those from the forums. Those forum posts give a lot of information about deciding if I'd enjoy their company or not.

quote:

And fifth, the fact that so many of you want to claim I am having a "tantrum" for asking for a bit of common curtisey has been quite a let-down. I am mature enough to accept a reject or two, but I am irritated that our socitiety has developed such a rude streak that no one wants to reply to a simple friendly message. And the use of saying that someone would continue to harass them is a stupid excuse. The block button was created for a reason. Don't give me that new age "cyber bullying" crap.

OK, but you seem to want to use the same tactic to get people to conform to the way that YOU want them to behave. People really are entitled to their own choices and patterns. Do you hang up on telemarkers? Do you ever walk by when somebody is acting less than sane and tries to start on conversation on the street? Just because you have a phone number or chose to go along a certain sidewalk doesn't mean that you stop and engage in dialogue with everyone.

I was here before they implemented the spam filter. You have no idea of what kind of mess females used to get before that improvement was made. Before I moved here, I used to get at least twenty messages a day and that's one heck of a lot of time to waste. I just refuse to waste it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DeadlyReign)

Post #: 40

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