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RE: Good... Grief? - 12/26/2013 10:22:51 AM

DesFIP

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Right now, your new normal is grieving. Accept that and don't put any expectations on yourself.

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RE: Good... Grief? - 12/30/2013 4:00:45 PM

Shininglight23

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I want to thank everyone for their support. I appreciate everyone who responded here and in private c-mail.

This past week has been tough, but I made it through. There were moments when I thought my sadness would just swallow me... I was begging it too actually...

This week is also going to be tough. We had something planned for the New Year, but I won't be doing it alone. It just doesn't seem right.

One thing that has helped me is his journal. He gifted it to me prior to his passing. I hadn't had the strength to read any of it prior to a few days ago.

He kept a journal his entire adult life, and I feel so fortunate to have received every bit of it. I read a little bit from when he was younger, boy was he a different person, but I put that on hold, and started working through our time together. It's amazingly therapeutic, heart wrenching, and heart warming all at the same time. There is a struggle to never pick it up and never put it down.

I can hear him reading it to me... the sound of his voice... his emotions as he recounts our days together. I feel lucky that he left it for me.

For now, I am okay.

Thank you all for your support.

Allie

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RE: Good... Grief? - 12/30/2013 4:49:50 PM

tiggerspoohbear

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Keep up the strength Allie. It's tough but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how far it may seem. Let his personal journal bring you peace and joy. He entrusted it to *you*, what a beautiful gift.

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RE: Good... Grief? - 12/30/2013 5:05:07 PM

freedomdwarf1

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I'm an extreme pragmatist and for many people on here, I appear to be a cold-hearted SOB.

Be that as it may, I learned only yesterday when going to see my elderly aunt with my SOH and daughter that she passed away some 20 months ago which wasn't long after my last visit to see her.... and nobody had told me.
I've had my own fair share of hiccups and crap to deal with during this time and being as we usually physically see her only in sporadic bursts, 20 months wasn't a long time between visits.

I've never dealt with grief as a solo topic because I learned a long time ago that the old addage of "time and tide wait for no man" to be all too true.
Whatever happens, life goes on.... it has to and it won't wait for you or anyone else.
So, I don't grieve in the normal sense.
Much like when both of my parents went... I had to get on with my life.

I liked SpiritedSub's words - "chop wood, carry water"; it works well for me and a lot of other people.
And as Paladin said, eventually the grief leaves and the memories (usually the good ones) remain for comfort.
Time will heal. But like any scar, it will never be the same so don't expect it to be.

My 'grief' lasts all of several minutes but the memories are here to stay with me forever.
I have a little cry for a few moments when I'm alone or wake up in the night.
But my life must keep going as others are depending on me to be the tower of strength and voice of reason.

Grief is a very personal thing and everyone deals with it differently.
If you are really stuck in a grief cycle, then see a good counselor.

Everyone here has given good advice and all different.
Pick whatever works for you.

For me, I will miss my aunt terribly, but I flatly refuse to let any part of grief interfere with my fond memories of her.
That's how I deal with it.

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Post #: 24

RE: Good... Grief? - 12/31/2013 5:35:25 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shininglight23

Okay... so... if you've been reading the "I admits..." then you may be aware that I recently lost someone that was very dear to me. I'm here seeking some ideas on how to "move on"...

A little bit of background is...

A year and a half ago (+/-) I moved across the country to be with the man I loved. Fast forward one year, and one cancer diagnosis later... I moved out at his request. We still remained in contact... sweet moments that I will cherish for the rest of my life, but it essentially went from 100 to 0.

He recently passed away, and due to the family not liking our age difference.. I wasn't invited to his service. (A service he didn't even want by the way.)

I have recently been told that my attempt at living a "normal" life is all for nothing. It's barely more than I muster most of the time anyway....

"When you throw things up in the air... they never come back down in the same way." (I'm paraphrasing) I am in total agreement with this, but I don't know what my new normal is. I don't know how to grieve without being a mess ALL of the time.

I'm sure there are many people who have been through a similar situation. I'm asking for any advice you can give me. How did you function while still giving yourself time to grieve? Please help me grieve while moving on with my life.

Allie

(edited because I'm a terrible typist...)

You may need advice (I'm sure many have some) but....Allie....I'd like to give you a hug.

(I actually don't know how to do all that typing shit that makes some kind of hug in font but...If I did....I would have typed it by now).

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RE: Good... Grief? - 12/31/2013 5:39:16 PM

sexyred1