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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/5/2006 8:33:22 PM

mnottertail

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Ummmmmmmmmmm, nope. But that's me... I am a rather lassize faire type of guy, in that respect.

I am sure the french is mis-spelled, tho.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/5/2006 8:41:09 PM

slavejali

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Master just read this thread and he told me I have to apologise. He told me to paste what he typed to me. (So here it is, we communicate through typing a lot of the times as he is deaf).

eric2004office: ok..you will post and apologize for being judgemental
eric2004office: theres no point in saying anything else because your opinion on the subject is obvious
jali2005office: yes Master
eric2004office: you should know better than to judge anyone..
eric2004office: so...do it...now and you best be gracious
jali2005office: yes Master
*
*
*
So I apologise and I dont know how to be graceful right now, and I didnt mean to be judgemental, this subject just hooks me into something and I react to it strongly and I should have a better grip on myself. I hope everything works out between you two MzS. I'm happy you are happy with him.

< Message edited by slavejali -- 7/5/2006 8:42:23 PM >

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/5/2006 8:48:41 PM

mnottertail

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I think caretakers number one post, subsection 1. attests to this previous scenario.

You are certainly given a bye from me, although it doesn't really affect me, and I suspect the OP will do the same.

You are indeed a gracious girl, my regards to your Master.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/5/2006 8:54:13 PM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I think caretakers number one post, subsection 1. attests to this previous scenario.

You are certainly given a bye from me, although it doesn't really affect me, and I suspect the OP will do the same.

You are indeed a gracious girl, my regards to your Master.

She is,and so is her Master, Ron.

And also remember here, I have dealt with ab girls on a personal basis in the past. They always felt like freaks, that no one could love,until they finally found someone who could accept them.

I think this may be what this guy and MzS are currently dealing with. That she enjoys him for other things says a lot about him-she's not stupid.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/5/2006 9:04:09 PM >

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/5/2006 8:59:07 PM

EvilGeoff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzS

Looking for some advice or suggestions.
....
Has anyone experienced this type of person? or has anyone experienced these themselves. Any suggestions how I can break thru…

Good evening MzS,

The Bottoming Book has already been mentioned as a resource to pursue, I'll suggest a couple of others, but first and foremost:

Get your friend out from behind the computer and face to face with real people who enjoy his particular fantasy/fetish, or other ways of play. Reinforce the fact that he IS NOT ALONE in his desires, he is NOT terrible, freakish, or so very abnormal. Your friend has issues, conflict within, and he needs affirmation. Tolerance, acceptance and active support will go a LONG WAY in rebuilding the self-esteem he seems to need so badly.

BDSM munch/support groups which you can find by checking out SceneUSA - http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html

Adult Baby support groups are out there, but you will have to do a google search for them since I don't have any links handy.

I hope that helps!
- Geoff

< Message edited by EvilGeoff -- 7/5/2006 9:00:24 PM >

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/5/2006 9:10:48 PM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzS

Looking for some advice or suggestions.
....
Has anyone experienced this type of person? or has anyone experienced these themselves. Any suggestions how I can break thru…

Good evening MzS,

The Bottoming Book has already been mentioned as a resource to pursue, I'll suggest a couple of others, but first and foremost:

Get your friend out from behind the computer and face to face with real people who enjoy his particular fantasy/fetish, or other ways of play. Reinforce the fact that he IS NOT ALONE in his desires, he is NOT terrible, freakish, or so very abnormal. Your friend has issues, conflict within, and he needs affirmation. Tolerance, acceptance and active support will go a LONG WAY in rebuilding the self-esteem he seems to need so badly.

BDSM munch/support groups which you can find by checking out SceneUSA - http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html

Adult Baby support groups are out there, but you will have to do a google search for them since I don't have any links handy.

I hope that helps!
- Geoff

I've reffered several diaper fetishists to this board:

It's overall a pretty friendly community for this specialty. Has a chat room as well-hope it helps him.

http://www.dailydiapers.com/content/index.html

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/5/2006 9:12:08 PM

marieToo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

No one thinks there is anything psychologically wrong with a 37 year old male virgin who wants to wear diapers? I think he needs therapy not play...sorry but that's my honest opinion.

I dont think he needs therapy because of the diaper thing. It's not my thing, but I could see how some submissives might enjoy that from an angle of humiliation or age play or something. I dont think someone who wants to wear diapers is in need of therapy any more than someone who wants to be whipped, wear pony gear, stand in a corner, lick feet, pretend theyre a puppy or whatever else people engage in. .

As far as the virgin thing....I dont know. Maybe he has a fear of intimacy or something. Maybe that is something that could be examined by a shrink. Without knowing his reasons for being a virgin, its hard to say.

He's probably still a virgin because of the diaper fetish-if it's that linked to his sexuality-it probably barred him from seeking sexual inimacy all that time.

Thats a viable possibility I suppose. But I dont think theres enough info to say more than hes a virgin who happens to have a diaper fetish. There are alot of people who have diaper fetishes, Im not sure it ties into the virgin thing. I guess it could be a possibility Just my opinion. Maybe Im not reading enough into it.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/5/2006 9:16:02 PM

Caretakr

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marie, if you had interacted with as many of these people as I have, you would know how badly the taboo aspect can isolate them. The fact that I played "caretaker" to as many as I have in the past brought this home to me with some force.

And the fact they they get tagged as latent pedophiles doesn't help either-the vast majority would be horrified to think of involving actual minors.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/5/2006 9:17:10 PM >

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 6:34:18 AM

MzS

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Thank you for your replies..
Caretakr, you are right on..you have experience with ab..and yes..the boy has been isolated all his life and not able to find anyone to understand his fetish..which is why he is a virgin..We are good friends..not in a D/s relationship....and I just want to help my friend and let him know he isn't some sick weirdo...We both hang out on the diaper sites..(I do it to try to understand this fetish).
I understand why he won't come out of the closet with this kink..with some of the negative reactions here on this "kink friendly" site I can just imagine what would happen in a so called normal world!

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 6:57:23 AM

diaperedbaby

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Tell him not to worry. There are many of us out there. He needs to gain confidence in himself and not worry about what everyone thinks or does. If you surround yourself with likeminded people, acceptance will find its way to you.
I have been in the ab scene for nearly as long and have no regrets. I'm not 24/7 or exclusive, but have a healthy balance.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 7:32:30 AM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzS

Thank you for your replies..
Caretakr, you are right on..you have experience with ab..and yes..the boy has been isolated all his life and not able to find anyone to understand his fetish..which is why he is a virgin..We are good friends..not in a D/s relationship....and I just want to help my friend and let him know he isn't some sick weirdo...We both hang out on the diaper sites..(I do it to try to understand this fetish).
I understand why he won't come out of the closet with this kink..with some of the negative reactions here on this "kink friendly" site I can just imagine what would happen in a so called normal world!

I have always been quite amazed at the negative reaction to such a harmless kink-especially in places that have people professing such great tolerance. Overall, I guess they are merely paying lip service to this concept.

I guess tolerance is reserved for the "what it is that *I* do",not the we.

I'm glad he has found a true friend like you.-not a fair weather friend, who can only relate to their own narrow little world.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 7:47:06 AM

bondagemastertj

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He could be a like a co-wooorker of Mine. he is 46 and never had sex because his parents are very religious and his mother is a .......domineering type. So he listens to mom and dad and is miserable.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 7:55:29 AM

MHOO314

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

I dont think he needs therapy because of the diaper thing.

It's not just the diaper thing. Putting the whole scenario together, 37 years old, still a virgin, wanting to wear diapers, yet feeling digusted, not being able to process his feelings appropriately, emotionally immature..and thats just what we know about.

dear slavejali, most of the time your insight is right on, however, this time I am going to disagree and this time from a gender perspective---in this life, I see men---submissive, TG, CD men wrestle with real issues--the tug of war between what society says they should be--"be a bloody man, boy" and the inner callings that range from fetishes to kink to submission to the ultimate manifestations of their feminine feelings---personally I see him quite in the "mainstream" of the men in this life---they wrestle with acceptance and validation---IMHEO his desire is no different than a man who wants to wear stockings under his slacks---it is what it is---I agree with some of the responses that if She hides it, it will validate his guilt, but if She embraces it, lets him know he is still normal---then he will "come out" and feel less guilt, more acceptance and more completion.

I find the dynamics of submissive, slave men to be very very different with its own unique mental issues----blanket statements at times do not work--and in this case, She has the chance to help him come to terms---

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 8:00:41 AM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

I dont think he needs therapy because of the diaper thing.

It's not just the diaper thing. Putting the whole scenario together, 37 years old, still a virgin, wanting to wear diapers, yet feeling digusted, not being able to process his feelings appropriately, emotionally immature..and thats just what we know about.

dear slavejali, most of the time your insight is right on, however, this time I am going to disagree and this time from a gender perspective---in this life, I see men---submissive, TG, CD men wrestle with real issues--the tug of war between what society says they should be--"be a bloody man, boy" and the inner callings that range from fetishes to kink to submission to the ultimate manifestations of their feminine feelings---personally I see him quite in the "mainstream" of the men in this life---they wrestle with acceptance and validation---IMHEO his desire is no different than a man who wants to wear stockings under his slacks---it is what it is---I agree with some of the responses that if She hides it, it will validate his guilt, but if She embraces it, lets him know he is still normal---then he will "come out" and feel less guilt, more acceptance and more completion.

I find the dynamics of submissive, slave men to be very very different with its own unique mental issues----blanket statements at times do not work--and in this case, She has the chance to help him come to terms---

Nodding, I see women struggling with the same sterotypes.

But the men have it so much worse,and the condtioning and lack of support is MUCH stronger in society overall. This place is just as bad-watch a male get torn to shreds at expressing any sign of "weakness". Happens ALL the time.

"Suck it up buddy, you act like a girl." "Be a man, yadda yadda, phhhttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!"

I wonder at our own conditioning-shouldn't we know better?

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 8:01:30 AM

lanwolf

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[/qoute]
dear slavejali, most of the time your insight is right on, however, this time I am going to disagree and this time from a gender perspective---in this life, I see men---submissive, TG, CD men wrestle with real issues--the tug of war between what society says they should be--"be a bloody man, boy" and the inner callings that range from fetishes to kink to submission to the ultimate manifestations of their feminine feelings---personally I see him quite in the "mainstream" of the men in this life---they wrestle with acceptance and validation---IMHEO his desire is no different than a man who wants to wear stockings under his slacks---it is what it is---I agree with some of the responses that if She hides it, it will validate his guilt, but if She embraces it, lets him know he is still normal---then he will "come out" and feel less guilt, more acceptance and more completion.

I find the dynamics of submissive, slave men to be very very different with its own unique mental issues----blanket statements at times do not work--and in this case, She has the chance to help him come to terms---
[/quote]
Very true I have fantasies that I also have mixed feelings about while I want to try them I wounder whats wrong with me for wanting to go to that level. Fortunatly I have alot of P/people I can talk to that help me sort out these feelings and work out the issues and there either explored slowly or just not something done with O/others envolved either just myself or myself and a Partner untill I am more comfertable with them.

< Message edited by lanwolf -- 7/6/2006 8:13:41 AM >

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 8:12:40 AM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Do you think anything might be wrong with a woman who wants to play a slave? Is therapy in order for this socially unnaceptable abberation?

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 8:16:36 AM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Do you think anything might be wrong with a woman who wants to play a slave? Is therapy in order for this socially unnaceptable abberation?

<--------needs therapy too,thinks all of this mental illness is ok.

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 8:18:50 AM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

No one thinks there is anything psychologically wrong with a 37 year old male virgin who wants to wear diapers? I think he needs therapy not play...sorry but that's my honest opinion.

I dont think he needs therapy because of the diaper thing. It's not my thing, but I could see how some submissives might enjoy that from an angle of humiliation or age play or something. I dont think someone who wants to wear diapers is in need of therapy any more than someone who wants to be whipped, wear pony gear, stand in a corner, lick feet, pretend theyre a puppy or whatever else people engage in. .

As far as the virgin thing....I dont know. Maybe he has a fear of intimacy or something. Maybe that is something that could be examined by a shrink. Without knowing his reasons for being a virgin, its hard to say.

I know many men who feel very awkward towards women and after a while that awkwardness turns into fear.
SlaveJali, normally I love your postings, I have never really seen you be so judgemental about someone, I would never chastise you for your words, but IMO, you are wrong here, just as I may be wrong to be telling you that you are wrong. You certainly have the right to voice anything you want to here, I am just surprised at your lack of understanding in this situation. <hugs> Maybe you are having a bad day :(

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 8:26:25 AM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Master just read this thread and he told me I have to apologise. He told me to paste what he typed to me. (So here it is, we communicate through typing a lot of the times as he is deaf).

eric2004office: ok..you will post and apologize for being judgemental
eric2004office: theres no point in saying anything else because your opinion on the subject is obvious
jali2005office: yes Master
eric2004office: you should know better than to judge anyone..
eric2004office: so...do it...now and you best be gracious
jali2005office: yes Master
*
*
*
So I apologise and I dont know how to be graceful right now, and I didnt mean to be judgemental, this subject just hooks me into something and I react to it strongly and I should have a better grip on myself. I hope everything works out between you two MzS. I'm happy you are happy with him.

I just read this after I posted, which serves as a reminder to always read the entire thread before posting. I want to apologize for what I wrote to you Jali. It is not my place to tell you or anyone else they are wrong for how they feel. <hugs>

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RE: scared of fantasy - 7/6/2006 8:47:06 AM

Caretakr

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And her Master corrected her-I think she can be forgiven-she's learning. And that's 100 times better than those who never will.

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