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[Poll]

Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress

Yes

22% (15)

No

59% (40)

Let me explain

17% (12)

Total Votes : 67

(last vote on : 2/24/2014 11:12:16 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/23/2013 7:57:19 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I think there should only be one forum: Ask a Dom/me/Top/Master/Mistress

I think most questions pretty much covers all. There's not much difference in the answers. If it really is gender specific, the person can just state so in their post.

I think it's a waste of space to have two separate ones.

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Post #: 41

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/24/2013 3:05:16 AM

MissKittyDeVine

Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
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I'd say the opposite. Condense all those sections down to one and you'll get an extremely overweight section that I probably wouldn't bother reading. Better to slim down the forums by getting rid of less busy sections like Recipes and In The News.

< Message edited by MissKittyDeVine -- 12/24/2013 3:06:50 AM >

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Post #: 42

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/24/2013 3:35:01 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Since no one respects that people come to Ask a Master or Ask a Mistress, those sections don't exist except in name.

The reason why I voted No is because I don't believe these should be combined into Ask a Dominant/Top. Both mnottertail and Focus50 have a point. Neither one of us, I take it, wants to see or read certain kinds of explicit details about what we do with our subs at the most intimate and/or visceral levels. There are activities I don't like knowing about that go beyond "not my kink." If I were automatically subscribed upon sign-up to this type of forum, I think I would lose interest in scanning the topics. Right now, the only forum I would want to take a personal interest in (other than clicking onto a scrolling discussion from the profile side on rare occasions), is Ask a Mistress.

It was bewildering to learn that the "Ask a ..." categories are not forum-specific. I have no issue with anybody weighing in an opinion, but I for one would like to see from which viewpoint that opinion originates, because individual perspective does (or can) make a difference. To echo and paraphrase Musicmystery, why do we even have these sections if they are not dedicated ones?

In addition, calamitysandra's idea of a new triad on General [Discussion], Relationship [Advice], and [BDSM Techniques] is sound, where Techniques could be expanded to include issues about BDSM practices.

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Post #: 43

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/24/2013 10:42:58 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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I think they are fine the way they are and we don't need to be so sensative and PC about it. Titles should be in "ad-speak" . . . as few words possible to convey the message.

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Post #: 44

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/24/2013 11:39:13 AM

VideoAdminGamma

Posts: 2233
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Why does everyone assume the reason for asking the question is to be PC or that someone has complained? The thought was to name them to something more up to date that has been seen around, such as "MaleDom" and "FemDom". Rather than us arbitrarily say no to any of this, the members were asked for their opinion.

That is all, nothing more and nothing less.

Gamma

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Post #: 45

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/24/2013 1:11:41 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
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The sides of the kneel are very well distinguished in the forums. There is no point in playing semantics reign deer games, it's pretty easy to grasp.

However, the Top & Bottom designation have came up often... To the point of

, I'd address that promptly. If it's a scripting issue, I'm sure a simple call for a "pearl, C#, C script, wot ever" thread will get the slave... Er, volunteer you're looking for.

It isn't hard to navigate the forums and say "my Top, Dom, uber, control freaky question belongs on the D forum by gender" it's not Rocket Surgery or even Brain science.

Exiled

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Post #: 46

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/24/2013 1:43:54 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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No matter what you name anything, someone will eventually come along and complain about it. I'm not going to vote yes or no because I don't really think it would change anything about the forum. Personally, I think that to be nit-picky about the names of each group is just falling into that labelling thing that does get to be annoying and that most people don't adhere to anyway, and someone's going to think of another subclass of that label that you didn't think of that they would fit even more precisely into, in their own mind. After thinking about it for a minute, I don't think the gender distinction is that important, either. Maybe simply have one section called Ask a Dominant, don't worry about the gender.
(Not meant to sound as negative as it does, lol)

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Post #: 47

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/24/2013 4:33:19 PM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
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Oddly enough, people often care about the gender of the dominant in their relationship.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 48

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/24/2013 5:36:30 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminGamma
Why does everyone assume the reason for asking the question is to be PC or that someone has complained? The thought was to name them to something more up to date that has been seen around, such as "MaleDom" and "FemDom". Rather than us arbitrarily say no to any of this, the members were asked for their opinion.

That is all, nothing more and nothing less.

Gamma

It was kind of imbalanced to begin with. I know I've got a terminology kick, but if the sections were supposed to be balanced in some way, it was off from the beginning. If we had ask a Master, why wasn't the other board ask a slave? Yes, Dominant is more inclusive.

Still, if you really want to get the boards more up to the times, I sincerely believe that it's time to start recognizing tops and bottoms. Yes, I get that the name is "Collar Me" and therefore implies that it's focused on authority imbalance dynamics. That might have been more accurate of our communities ten years ago when the boards were created. Is it reflective of our communities today?

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Post #: 49

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/24/2013 6:08:24 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I don't really care either way about renaming them, although I see the point about being more inclusive to doms, tops, etc.

I suppose I like the separation though (master/mistress), only that since female-led relationships don't pertain to me, I rarely ever go to that forum. Not sure why, I know everyone posts in both. I guess from the beginning I just never went there, and it stuck. I know pretty much everyone posts in Ask a Master...is it the same in Ask a Mistress? When I first came here years ago, there were distinct different "moods" in each forum, so I went where it was most comfy for me.

Not a fan of one catch-all forum, though. Seems like it would get too cluttered, maybe?

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Post #: 50

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/24/2013 7:06:30 PM

VideoAdminGamma

Posts: 2233
Status: offline

I understand what you are saying and felt that the Top/bottom sections were needed as well.

There is also no specific area for Power Exchange relationships either.

Will start another topic soon to ask for any ideas on adding/removing/tweaking sections.

Thanks,
Gamma

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Still, if you really want to get the boards more up to the times, I sincerely believe that it's time to start recognizing tops and bottoms. Yes, I get that the name is "Collar Me" and therefore implies that it's focused on authority imbalance dynamics. That might have been more accurate of our communities ten years ago when the boards were created. Is it reflective of our communities today?

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 51

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/25/2013 2:42:49 AM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

I am indifferent about it. Once in a while I go to the Switch section, once in a while the Mistress section. I am usually in the casual banter, looking over the various postings. Changing the titles might cause some confusion to new posters.

Now, if someone pop my back and bribe me with some Amaretto (the good stuff), I would be a happy camper.

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Post #: 52

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/25/2013 7:47:57 AM

HoneyBears

Posts: 337
Joined: 11/5/2013
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminGamma

I understand what you are saying and felt that the Top/bottom sections were needed as well.

There is also no specific area for Power Exchange relationships either.

Will start another topic soon to ask for any ideas on adding/removing/tweaking sections.

Thanks,
Gamma

We cast a "no" vote because as others have already noted, an Ask a Dominant section will get overly cluttered. There seem to be many more male subs seeking a Mistress' PoV who specifically want feedback from Dommes or at the very least from a woman's perspective. If I didn't already have a Mistress, I would be asking advice under Ask a Mistress expecting Dommes or even female Switches to clue me in on what they want from a sub, or sharing their personal experiences on a particular subject matter. I could care less what male Dominants think about a sub/Domme issue. (Sorry--but if I wanted their opinion, I'd have asked my question under Ask a Master.)

Often what subs want to know is not confined to "Relationship" advice, but when it is, that would still be a good section to have set aside where all PoVs are important to consider.

As a switch insofar as classifications go, both myself and my Mistress are pleased there is representation here on the forums under Ask a Switch, so that is a valuable forum to retain. This category gets overlooked or minimized (marginalized?) within the BDSM community at times.

General BDSM is fine as it is, general technical questions or those involving BDSM technique and skills are appropriate within this existing forum. Why there is an Off Topic section when there's already a miscellaneous-type Polls and Random Snippets forum seems rather redundant. How about "Polls and Miscellaneous" as a catch-all if not specifically D/s or BDSM-related. I don't know whether combining the two will result in loss of data. But then again, the issue of clutter.

Merry Christmas wishes - Cub

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Post #: 53

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/25/2013 10:01:42 AM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

I also voted "No" and "Let me explain."

Changing the forums should make a positive improvement. There is nothing to improve on in terms of directing genders because the people, regardless of gender, will use it right or wrong, and that has nothing to do with chromosomes.

Breaking out into more areas would foster isolationism, which is a detriment to open discussion. It would not provide any greater clarity on how to find the section you want. As Ron might say, who the fuck knows if they want a Top, Dom, Master, or just a dick to suck? Newbies would be confused and regulars would feel overly defined.

Merging the areas might be easier to find but harder to manage, wade through and flat out frustrating.

Now, if you wanted to rename Introductions to "Tell Us About You" it might (or maybe not) reduce the ads and wish lists. But then, I also think you could use a place called "What I'm Into" and let people discuss the fetishes they practice and seek. That way people who cream over floggers or chains or butter on pancakes can share their endorphin highs.

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Post #: 54

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/25/2013 1:30:00 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The Ask A Master board, in My opinion, doesn't get nearly the amount of trolling type trash that the Ask A Mistress board does. Of course, since all of these discussion/topic types are only being focused on retaining new posters, I'm not sure if that's going to come into play.

No, not nearly the trolling and conversely might explain why you dom-gals are more inclined to pack-attack males in "Ask a Mistress". As ever, IMO.

Also IMO, if fem/subs esp didn't post in "Ask a Master", it'd likely be the "ghost town" of the assorted forums. Dare I say we fellas aren't the chattiest of the two genders...? lol

Probably the thing that's annoyed me most over recent years is when jaded regulars rip into a newbie member/poster for not phrasing something just right when that regular clearly has an option to shut-tha-fuck-up and go find a topic that does interest them.

eg, when a newbie asks the difference between a sub and a slave. If they're lucky they'll only get dismissively pointed to the 'Search' function. I've been a CM member for 9 years and at other BDSM sites previous and the fact is that there are no genuinely new questions to ask, only new people asking them.

Now, should we coddle newbies? No, of course not! But when I meet someone r/l who's new to it all, esp if they've come to pick my more experienced brain, I don't roll my eyes and jump all over them for not knowing how to do something I could probably do in my sleep.

The future of any site is to attract new blood - AND KEEP THEM - rather than cater to jaded long-term burnouts who come here to vent instead of seeking proper therapy or even just a real life. So I commend Gamma for asking about suggestions to refresh the place; to evolve the site and thus remain attractive to new blood, esp if they're also of the next generation. If this were my site, I'd be mighty angry about newbies getting pissed all over by serial loiterers just for asking that which, by definition, they can't or don't already know.

Focus.

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Post #: 55

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/26/2013 8:15:15 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

Now, if you wanted to rename Introductions to "Tell Us About You" it might (or maybe not) reduce the ads and wish lists. But then, I also think you could use a place called "What I'm Into" and let people discuss the fetishes they practice and seek. That way people who cream over floggers or chains or butter on pancakes can share their endorphin highs.

I like these ideas, they're trendy instead of formal and old school. Makes us sound more "with it", lol. Although, for simplicity, it could be combined into "Tell us about you and what you're into".

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Post #: 56

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/26/2013 10:31:16 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

Now, if you wanted to rename Introductions to "Tell Us About You" it might (or maybe not) reduce the ads and wish lists. But then, I also think you could use a place called "What I'm Into" and let people discuss the fetishes they practice and seek. That way people who cream over floggers or chains or butter on pancakes can share their endorphin highs.

I like these ideas, they're trendy instead of formal and old school. Makes us sound more "with it", lol. Although, for simplicity, it could be combined into "Tell us about you and what you're into".

There's no need to rename Introductions. It should have always been the place for an introductory personal ad, for those who are so inclined, in addition to a "safe" section for getting welcomed by others. However this gets implemented, I second the motion. Tactful, constructive profile critiques belong here rather than in a separate thread asking for advice about how to write a profile. Perhaps an (informal) rule about being a snark-free zone?

If there's any coddling to be had, this would be where any would be appropriate to encourage newcomers to participate in the rest of the forums. This doesn't mean catering to their fetish or kink, or to those who are over-sensitive about any sort of perceived criticism without sugar-coating the truth. But like my mother used to say, You can catch more bees with honey.

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Post #: 57

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/26/2013 4:31:33 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
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From: Centralia, Washington
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I voted 'Let me explain' because I'm always shooting my mouth off anyway.

Carry on.

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Post #: 58

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/29/2013 5:14:26 PM

Apocalypso

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I voted let me explain.

I don't think the name of the forums really matters that much at all. By necessity, they need to be broad titles and aren't going to describe everyone's relationships, so we just have to live with that.

I don't really see the point of gender specific forums though. If people think they're useful, I'm not really bothered about it being like that, but it seems a bit silly.

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Post #: 59

RE: Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress - 12/30/2013 2:00:25 AM

TNDommeK

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I voted "no" as well. It's fine how it is.

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Post #: 60

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