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HoneyBears -> RE: Don't judge... (1/2/2014 2:31:22 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: somdkink
Please don't judge me - looking for some advice.
To make a long story very short - I am married and now find myself in a situation where my wife (whom I love very much) was recently injured and is no longer able to participate in activities we used to enjoy together.
How do you go about meeting someone that is understanding of our situation?
You subsequently state: "Let me clarify - I'm not really interested in meeting someone. Just someone who may also understand this situation from experience."
We are a couple and would welcome your contacting us privately on the other side if you just need somebody to talk to.
We do not know how helpful we could be in any constructive way, though.
It would help if you could be more specific about your situation because there are many people here on the forums who can advise you right now.
Since your profile shows you as a 40-year-old switch and is not a couple's profile, it begs these questions:
a) Since this is a recent injury, is this one where your wife can reasonably recover within a few months, or do you anticipate long-term effects?
b) Is it something which interferes with ordinary vanilla sexual relations, such as a back injury?
c) You also say "Our interests have never gone beyond our own explorations...." Does this mean she is on board with BDSM activities?
In other words, are your intimate activities with her limited or is she open to trying new things?
There is a whole lot you can do which does not require much physical mobility or bedroom gymnastics with practicing BDSM together.
d) Is it only one or two sexual acts, which are important to you, that she is not able to participate in at present, which you are not able to see your way around?
e) Finally, has she become less attractive or desirable in your eyes due to these circumstances?
Or is her libido being affected by what happened to her or by any medications she is taking?
There are many of us with assorted health/medical issues. Even young people have limitations due to sports injuries, a diabetic condition, etc.
Diabetes in particular can affect sexual response. I had a long-term partner who had developed ED as a result of his diabetes.
This was one of the main reasons we started getting involved deeper into BDSM as a matter of fact because he required more intense forms of stimulation,
and he still wanted to give me pleasure.
We had about two years of partial difficulty and four years where I had to do without the "real thing."
He had given me "permission" to take on a fully-functioning lover, but I did not want to go that route.
A couple hours ago, I was awakened in the middle of the night from night sweats and chills due to this god-awful peri-menopause I have been dealing with.
Thankfully, it hasn't affected my libido, but I do not feel very sexy while I am suffering from hot flashes.
(Who knows how long this is going to last or what I can expect once I am in full-fledged menopause.)
My partner Cub fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, so I am very protective of him, careful and tender.
No PTSD episodes so far (other than an occasional nightmare), but there are any number of things I am not going to do with him, and we are okay with that.
No way in hell I am going to spring something on him out of the blue or go beyond a certain point with him.
If you do not feel comfortable divulging personal information and only want to discuss this matter on an individual level, that is understandable.
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