RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (Full Version)

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MochaMistress -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 1:59:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Romance grows from long term intimacy.

It doesn't come in a cereal box.


I agree with you very much.



meatcleaver -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 2:12:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy

Its about losing grip with reality for sure.

They want to belive in some kind of kinky magical world that is so utterly perfect, but all they're doing is romantasizing something that isnt what they think it is. They watch far too much TV, read too many books.

People cant decipher fact from fiction anymore.
They just try and belive what they want to, unfortunantly it can be detrimental to social evolution.
Mainly because the only place that world really exists is online, so they turn into shut ins, trying to get their kicks on sites like this, instead of actually interacting with the world thats already around them.


All so called 'reality' is a construct of the imagination, fiction and so called 'fact' as well as your cynicism. Whether you see your glass as half full or half empty, it's impossible to escape.



meatcleaver -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 2:18:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I try to avoid this, it gets me in trouble-when I see how wrong I was in even building a construct. I want to see who someone is, not what I'd like them to be.

Ever had issues with this?


I was quite cured of romance by a woman who turned out to be a malicious trickster. Did I project my version of reality onto her or was my accepting that she was honest and had integrity as she insisted she was, simply naive? It's impossible to say. However, I construct a different reality now where I don't trust anyone and don't really care to.

I think the only measurement as to the value of the reality one constructs is if it has a negative or positive effect on ones life.



SusanofO -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 3:00:12 PM)

I am really attached to my rose colored glasses. Seriuously if I really care for someone they have to do something so extra stupid it's hard to believe to get me to question their Godliness (or whatever). Fortunately, I am aware of this tendency in myself and will get myself to really look at things someone is doing if they are suspect (or might be).

- Susan



slavejali -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 3:03:59 PM)

That is one of the reasons I can really see some validity in arranged marriages, I always saw arranged marriages as not very beneficial until I had a long conversation with a woman in India. I asked her to explain to me about arranged marriages:

She told me that many factors went into choosing a partner for children. The parents were generally concerned with making a good match for their child, they would even take into astrological compatability as well as other things like social status, which might not seem important, but if a child is raised in a certain environment it is what they know and to move into a similar environment and lifestyle is very beneficial. Anyways this was a very long conversation of which I cannot go into all the details here. At the end of it she said, "When the foundation for the partnership is a good one and the outside factors are taken into account that will effect the couple, love will grow."

What she said made sense to me, we talked about how fleeting and changing desires are, and how when a relationship is formed based purely on two individuals desires or lusts there are so many factors already against them for a lasting relationship.

I jokingly say sometimes that I saw myself as a mail-order slave for Master (as we met on the internet), its kinda the truth, it was very "arranged".

I think everyone should have arranged partnerships, rather than just relying on feelings which can be totally unreliable and changeable. Get all the correct ingredients together and love will grow. Trouble is I guess, people are more connected to what they *think* wil make them happy, rather than what actually will, a lot of the time. it is a very hard thing to do to take a step back and really assess when someone is making you a target for their affections, desires and romantacisms.

To that end, I think its unwise to wear rose-coloured glasses in forming a relationship. However, once you've picked your partner, put those rose-colored glasses on and superglue them to your face.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 3:14:10 PM)

I am all for rose colored glasses as long as there is some reality and common sense while wearing them coming through.As we get older our ideas change, lifes little smacks to the side of the head are experienced and what we take away from every relationship we have ever been involved in, affect how we view potential partners.It affects if we are coming from a postive or a negative thought process..All I feel however is when one meets a potential mate one must at least go in with an open mind but with caution and a wee bit of rosy outlook never damaged anyone.So glasses on here! wow the colors ..the colors...be well..Tempting



JohnWarren -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 3:37:29 PM)

One big advantage to arranged marriages is that when the couple hits a rough spot they can comfort in the idea "We didn't make a mistake; it was our idiot parents."



slavejali -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 3:42:27 PM)

That cop out wouldnt work in our society..our parents arent gonna be doing the arranging...dang we have to do all the hard-work ourselves [:)]



LadyHugs -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 4:11:39 PM)

Dear Caretakr, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eye, as we grow we're given a set of rose colored glasses as we pass from childhood and shielded from life's misery as much as possible.  In our teens we're given more light onto the real state of affairs of life.  Those romantic novels and movies don't hold the same "Ah" factors and things with relationships and romance isn't as easy.  As we pass into adulthood, working and dealing with others in our society, the tint of those rose colored glasses fade more rapidly.
 
But, as I might perch the rose colored glasses at the end of my nose, my eyes peek over the rose colored glasses at reality.  I just enjoy the occassional opportunity to see the positives in people, simple pleasures in life.  It is much like a breath or break from all the negativities of life and when I am done--I get back to dealing with life's reality.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



LokisBrat -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 4:29:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

There are some levels of falling in love with love every time we fall for anyone. Scientists have researched the brain chemistry in love and found that technically we are temporarily mentally ill in some ways. We do not see reality the same as someone else does because of our brain chemistry. It is a wonderful feeling, the first rush of love, and if it wasn't for that rush most of us wouldn't commit probably...lol. It serves a purpose.





This is way off the subject this thread ended up on (which was a good subject as well), the chemical Juliaoceania spoke of is Dopamine.  It is a naturally occuring brain chemical.




"Dopamine is released (particularly in areas such as the nucleus accumbens and striatum) by naturally rewarding experiences such as food, sex, use of certain drugs and neutral stimuli that become associated with them."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine




It is this drug which fuels infatuation, chocolate binges and many other things. It's the basis of the idea that humans act for reward.


Brat[:)]



Caretakr -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 4:59:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LokisBrat

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

There are some levels of falling in love with love every time we fall for anyone. Scientists have researched the brain chemistry in love and found that technically we are temporarily mentally ill in some ways. We do not see reality the same as someone else does because of our brain chemistry. It is a wonderful feeling, the first rush of love, and if it wasn't for that rush most of us wouldn't commit probably...lol. It serves a purpose.





This is way off the subject this thread ended up on (which was a good subject as well), the chemical Juliaoceania spoke of is Dopamine.  It is a naturally occuring brain chemical.




"Dopamine is released (particularly in areas such as the nucleus accumbens and striatum) by naturally rewarding experiences such as food, sex, use of certain drugs and neutral stimuli that become associated with them."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine




It is this drug which fuels infatuation, chocolate binges and many other things. It's the basis of the idea that humans act for reward.


Brat[:)]



Refined dopamine was also used to treat schitzophrenia.



Fawne -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 5:20:32 PM)

Seems time spent doing fun things like going to a park, the beach, on a ride, casual fun time and a positive mindset may relax people to be themselves.

Inspecting something free, alive in a lab pinned under a microscope then  looking for imperfections -  isn't the same as experiencing how a creature behaves in a natural state, in it's natural environment, nor how would it adapt to another - if that other consistantly dissects it..

So, good luck and be free and happy! 



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 8:04:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I feel that a lot of people seeking relationships have this issue-they only see what they want to see,comparing it to some artificial internal construct.
Ever had issues with this?


More often than I care to admit, actually.  For a long time (several years in fact) I had this completely unrealistic notion that anyone who called themselves a dominant must surely be comprable (at least in temperment and ethics) to the man who introduced me to BDSM.  Many years, and a lot of Particularly Painful experiences later, I've learned better - and I've also subsequently stepped away from power dynamics having any sort of appeal for me.
 
Taking off those Rose Colored Glasses has been good for me in the sense that I've become Much more protective of myself, and have quit making stupid mistakes in that rush of biochemical stimulus.  Unfortunately, it has had the consequence of also making me more than just a tad jaded about a lot of things in the process.



TNstepsout -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 8:21:34 PM)

Yup- One of my journal entries from a few months ago addresses this very thing.



juliaoceania -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 9:00:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LokisBrat

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

There are some levels of falling in love with love every time we fall for anyone. Scientists have researched the brain chemistry in love and found that technically we are temporarily mentally ill in some ways. We do not see reality the same as someone else does because of our brain chemistry. It is a wonderful feeling, the first rush of love, and if it wasn't for that rush most of us wouldn't commit probably...lol. It serves a purpose.





This is way off the subject this thread ended up on (which was a good subject as well), the chemical Juliaoceania spoke of is Dopamine.  It is a naturally occuring brain chemical.




"Dopamine is released (particularly in areas such as the nucleus accumbens and striatum) by naturally rewarding experiences such as food, sex, use of certain drugs and neutral stimuli that become associated with them."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine




It is this drug which fuels infatuation, chocolate binges and many other things. It's the basis of the idea that humans act for reward.


Brat[:)]



This is also why cigarettes are so addictive too, nicotine causes a dopamine dump into your brain giving you an unearned reward.



MistressDREAD -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/5/2006 7:05:08 PM)

quote:

Ever had issues with this?
No time is wasted in human interaction.

I really wanted to see those glasses too!! And yes I had issues with this.........with You.  ~smiles~



Caretakr -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/5/2006 7:25:01 PM)

Laughs, but my glasses are only rose colored when I get messy with the spray paint! O-O[;)]



Submotive -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/5/2006 7:31:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I feel that a lot of people seeking relationships have this issue-they only see what they want to see,comparing it to some artificial internal construct.

I try to avoid this, it gets me in trouble-when I see how wrong I was in even building a construct. I want to see who someone is, not what I'd like them to be.

Ever had issues with this?

 [sm=confused.gif]  okay - yes and no - i am a great believer in the power of our ability to create our world - to some degree. So, yes i do live in what might be termed "fantasy" to some extent, in that i choose what i wish to experience - i.e. a positive or negative outlook, positive or negative expectations. However, i don't delude myself into believing that a person is anything other than who they exhibit themself to be - their actions show me who they are.



Smythe -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/5/2006 7:45:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I feel that a lot of people seeking relationships have this issue-they only see what they want to see,comparing it to some artificial internal construct.

I try to avoid this, it gets me in trouble-when I see how wrong I was in even building a construct. I want to see who someone is, not what I'd like them to be.

Ever had issues with this?




Good point, and...

I think it is just as much an issue that people compare new relationships to some artificial external construct...comparing what they have to what they have read in a magazine, or what others appear to have, or what they are seeing on the internet. This is just as damaging to a potential new relationship.

Smythe




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