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njlauren -> RE: a question about some complaints (12/25/2013 10:30:26 AM)
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As in anything, there are 'bad' subs and 'bad' dominants, and you hear the complaints because people tend to want to vent about the bad more than the good. There are abusive dom/mes, who think being dominant is a license to literally do what they want with a sub, and some of them quite honestly are abusers hiding behind being 'dominant, others forget that it is a relationship and use it to feed their narcissism...while most dominants fall in between, like the rest of us, with flaws but also many endearing traits. Some dominants simply don't understand what it means to be a dominant, and also may confuse top with dominant, not surprisingly.
Subs likewise range, part of the problem is that a lot of those claiming to be sub are not really, they love being played with, love the kink, but only for that, so getting pegged isn't about submitting, it is they enjoy it, or getting whipped is a sensory high...which is fine, but if they say they are sub and then resist control, want to be done, etc, it is going to lead to dom/mes getting frustrated. With male subs, it is even worse, because many of them go to pro dommes, then think that is what this is about, when pro dommes for the most part are the domme servicing the sub, it isn't real, I don't care if she calls the guy a sub and he her 'slave', it isn't really because of the money (basically, with some rare exceptions, a male sub paying a domme is getting what he wants, some truly sub men may get off on being controlled and doing what the domme wants totally, but they are rare IME....). Nothing wrong with pro dommes, and many of them are lifestyle (I know, I got my start in that world), but it is different..but male subs (very few female subs pay to work with a professional, don't need to, clientele is overwhelmingly male), they start that way then assume that is what serving is about....and the complains you see IMO/IME stem from their background....
Plus you also are dealing with the online world, where you get all kinds of shitty PM's from who knows who, who seem to think rules don't apply. I get all kind of messages from "doms", that if they weren't so funny would be angering (even though I am clear to say I am not looking for anyone, just social/friends), stupid messages like "U R Hot" or "Hey, babe, want to fuck me 2 nite"), I can only imagine what the dommes get......many male subs already don't understand the nature of what they are claiming, and put them online, and forget it......it was no different with 'trans' admirers, in that they fetishize trans girls, and forget all of us are human beings, whether we are someone who crossdresses for whatever reasons or are on the path to living and being the woman we believe we are, they fetishize us (thanks to porn in large part), and it is the same thing, you see bad behavior even from guys who probably are nice, decent people....there were admirers I met who didn't fit that mold either, kind, considerate guys who even if they simply were looking for someone to have sex with, a quick hookup, were decent enough to realize the person on the other end was a person with feelings, too:). So if you see the negativity, it is because the dommes involved probably have faced a lot of jerks, liars and otherwise bad actors, hence their comments and such...and given the nature of this world, it doesn't surprise me that negatives often seem to outweigh the positive:). Heck, ever read reviews on Amazon, when someone gives a product 0 stars because UPS fouled up delivering it?
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