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how prickly are you when you first start talking to som... - 12/27/2013 4:08:05 PM

HipPoindexter

Posts: 188
Joined: 12/20/2013
Status: offline

i'm never really on Best Behavior when talking to somebody at a site like this, largely because i've no interest in hooking up with anybody. it's just one of a lot of forums i post to to kill time because i see my gf mostly on weekends and because i'm inside more in the winter. but i've noticed that, even when i'm very upfront about the fact that there is no expectation of anything more than e-friendship, people on "the other side" (as you kids say) are super super careful about being as bland as possible in correspondence. i mean they're far more likely to tell me sexual shit (that i don't really have any interest in hearing) than they are to express a view or venture an opinion that might be controversial.

is that just the nature of the site? is the user base on the other side just unusually timorous and skittish? like maybe they've been conditioned to be frightful because people are really prickly? i dunno. i'm just a tall handsome stranger riding through town!

also i'm not that tall.

eta this isn't a complaint. like i don't wish that people were different or anything. i'm just sort of amused because there is such a disconnect between the amount people seem willing to reveal about their sex lives/kinks vs what they're willing to say about anything else. like people who aren't willing to express a strong opinion about a movie or television show for fear of giving offense are pleased as punch to jabber at length about their favorite way to be ass fucked.

< Message edited by HipPoindexter -- 12/27/2013 4:21:06 PM >

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RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 5:00:18 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

It depends. Someone who is conversational or paying a compliment, I'm pretty polite.

People that start out by making it obvious that they think manners don't exist in D/s BDSM or that they have ignored that my profile says "Just here for the forums" get the rough side of my tongue.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to HipPoindexter)

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RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 5:17:49 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

It depends on what their original message is.

I have "astrology" as a hard limit in my profile. I put it there mostly as a joke. More than once I've had someone ask me about that and I replied, "It's because I think its bunk." One more than one occasion that person has tried to convince me of her superior intellect by saying how true it is.

Then I start to get prickly.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 3

RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 6:05:21 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HipPoindexter

i'm never really on Best Behavior when talking to somebody at a site like this, largely because i've no interest in hooking up with anybody.

is that just the nature of the site? is the user base on the other side just unusually timorous and skittish? like maybe they've been conditioned to be frightful because people are really prickly?

Let me get this straight. If you were interested in finding a (play) partner, you would be on your "Best Behavior" but since you're 'Just here for the forums,' you don't think common courtesy is in order? Are you here to make friends? I wouldn't make friends with someone who exhibited "prickly" behavior or who didn't have a friendly demeanor. (Well, I'm not here to make friends, but that's besides the point....)

I try to reply to everyone who leaves a message, even when it's obviously a form letter they've sent out to every Domme across the country. At present, I take the time to give them a mini-lecture for their own erudition, informing them that a form letter will usually get automatically deleted, and that they should read profiles beforehand and personalize their message. Ordinarily the sender of said message will send me a thank-you for my advice.

By the way, I have key words in my profile and I've clearly indicated not to expect a response if an intro message does not contain them. Due to some leftover Christmas spirit (or taking temporary leave of my senses, I don't know which), I even took the time to point this out.

Yes, there are a few timid "slaves" who ask permission to speak or address me beforehand. About half the males I hear from don't like to take no for an answer so far, the other half are gracious enough.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
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(in reply to HipPoindexter)

Post #: 4

RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 6:19:58 PM

HipPoindexter

Posts: 188
Joined: 12/20/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: HipPoindexter

i'm never really on Best Behavior when talking to somebody at a site like this, largely because i've no interest in hooking up with anybody.

is that just the nature of the site? is the user base on the other side just unusually timorous and skittish? like maybe they've been conditioned to be frightful because people are really prickly?

Let me get this straight. If you were interested in finding a (play) partner, you would be on your "Best Behavior" but since you're 'Just here for the forums,' you don't think common courtesy is in order? Are you here to make friends? I wouldn't make friends with someone who exhibited "prickly" behavior or who didn't have a friendly demeanor. (Well, I'm not here to make friends, but that's besides the point....)

I try to reply to everyone who leaves a message, even when it's obviously a form letter they've sent out to every Domme across the country. At present, I take the time to give them a mini-lecture for their own erudition, informing them that a form letter will usually get automatically deleted, and that they should read profiles beforehand and personalize their message. Ordinarily the sender of said message will send me a thank-you for my advice.

By the way, I have key words in my profile and I've clearly indicated not to expect a response if an intro message does not contain them. Due to some leftover Christmas spirit (or taking temporary leave of my senses, I don't know which), I even took the time to point this out.

Yes, there are a few timid "slaves" who ask permission to speak or address me beforehand. About half the males I hear from don't like to take no for an answer so far, the other half are gracious enough.

no, you don't have it straight at all.

i'm entertained by the fact that a lot of conversations don't seem to move beyond the sort of overly polite, tap dancing on a landmine mood. i'm also entertained by the fact that people who won't venture a strong opinion about a book or a movie are often unnervingly open with relative strangers about far more explicit things.

in fact i'm unfailingly courteous and polite. it's only that the degree to which people who go out of their way to open conversations with me on the other side then go on to avoid saying anything salient or substantive strikes me as odd. it makes me wonder if they've been conditioned to anticipate sharp replies or unusually antagonistic personalities.

as far as i'm concerned, there is no reason why most of us shouldn't be fast friends. :)

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RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 6:31:08 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

I generally tend to be polite and nice for the most part. However if I get a ridiculous or stupid message, I will not bother responding rather than stooping to being ridiculous or stupid back. I believe in treating folks over here as equally well as I treat folks Zi deal with face to face.

I don't engage in sexual conversations, but always like a good discussion on a wide variety of non-sexual topics of conversation. Unfortunately I mostly get the former rather than the latter.

(in reply to HipPoindexter)

Post #: 6

RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 6:34:59 PM

HipPoindexter

Posts: 188
Joined: 12/20/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

It depends on what their original message is.

I have "astrology" as a hard limit in my profile. I put it there mostly as a joke. More than once I've had someone ask me about that and I replied, "It's because I think its bunk." One more than one occasion that person has tried to convince me of her superior intellect by saying how true it is.

Then I start to get prickly.

hmmm...interesting. cold, rational...you must be a virgo. ;)

note: i have no idea what a virgo is supposed to be like. i'm just being a silly billy.

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RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 6:53:05 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HipPoindexter

no, you don't have it straight at all.

i'm entertained by the fact that a lot of conversations don't seem to move beyond the sort of overly polite, tap dancing on a landmine mood. i'm also entertained by the fact that people who won't venture a strong opinion about a book or a movie are often unnervingly open with relative strangers about far more explicit things.

in fact i'm unfailingly courteous and polite. it's only that the degree to which people who go out of their way to open conversations with me on the other side then go on to avoid saying anything salient or substantive strikes me as odd. it makes me wonder if they've been conditioned to anticipate sharp replies or unusually antagonistic personalities.

as far as i'm concerned, there is no reason why most of us shouldn't be fast friends. :)

We're talking apples and oranges since you're not looking, and I am, not to mention those who contact you and whomever you contact would be a divergent demographic (uh, right?)

Nevertheless, it all depends on the type of person you're communicating with and what topics for discussion you can raise to steer the conversation. For example, I've been exchanging messages daily with someone for a week, and we've already covered movies, music, personal interests and the like, discussed D/s, touched upon BDSM in general. Today, this is where we've progressed:

[Dude]: "In the words of Krishnamurti: 'it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society'...."

Me: ".... Here's one by a Nobel prize-winning Indian poet:

I slept and dreamt that life was joy.
I awoke and saw that life was service.
I acted and behold, service was joy.

- Rabindranath Tagore"

Not too shabby, wouldn't you agree?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to HipPoindexter)

Post #: 8

RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 7:13:13 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm not searching for anything but it doesn't matter to me if I put it in my profile or not. I will respond to anyone who simply is polite and I will let them understand that I'm not looking for anything but if they would like to chat then I'm more than open to that.

But if they start talking about sex, I just stop answering them and delete their emails.

I'm just indifferent.

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RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 7:17:56 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Wait...... You think some of us aren't opinionated enough?

OK, now that I have that out of the way, let's see if I can help out.......

There are a number of forum posters that I could name off of the top of My head that are more than willing to be our opinionated selves. Including those of us who are very much not likely to be telling our private sexual moments with perfect strangers. (That's a familiarity thing, in My case.) Some of the people that have become wonderful friends from this site are exactly the folks that I enjoy debating with, don't agree with everything about, and we became friends because we don't tell each other only what we want to always hear.

Yes, I can be prickly to get to know. Like you, OP, I'm not looking and really don't use the site for that in the first place. Ninety-nine percent of the time, if somebody's not from the forums, I delete email unread, and generally don't worry about it. The people that I do converse with know that they'll get My honest opinion no matter what the subject.

Get to know some of us more. You might be surprised.

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(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 10

RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 7:57:03 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

I have "astrology" as a hard limit in my profile.

I have bowling and sky diving as my hard limits. I've been questioned on the sky diving, but never on the bowling......

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 11

RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 8:08:27 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I have bowling and sky diving as my hard limits. I've been questioned on the sky diving, but never on the bowling......

The only hard limit I listed is poly, and the vast majority of the messages I get are from poly men. Sigh.
But to answer the OP, I don't get prickly to them. I'm just glad they flag themselves as poly at the outset so I can block them.

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RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 8:21:57 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

No one has ever accused me of being shy of expressing my opinion

(in reply to HipPoindexter)

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RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 9:12:35 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

The manners I choose to use have a lot to do with where I think the conversation is headed. But there is seldom a reason to get upset. You can always block-delete.

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RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 11:50:54 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I very seldom get prickly. Generally, my first message either leads to a cheerful conversation, or gets completely ignored.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/27/2013 11:57:50 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

Message me at your own peril.

'nuff said?

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RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/28/2013 4:13:06 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I probably come across as rather prudish (when I even think to check my mail-which is about once every four months or so) because I also don't talk about sexual things with strangers. Yep, coming from a phonesex girl that's pretty funny, isn't it? But it's true.

I will talk about just about anything else though. (like I said, *when* and *if* I actually check my email, which is exceptionally rare)

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RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/28/2013 4:32:30 AM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HipPoindexter

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

It depends on what their original message is.

I have "astrology" as a hard limit in my profile. I put it there mostly as a joke. More than once I've had someone ask me about that and I replied, "It's because I think its bunk." One more than one occasion that person has tried to convince me of her superior intellect by saying how true it is.

Then I start to get prickly.

hmmm...interesting. cold, rational...you must be a virgo. ;)

note: i have no idea what a virgo is supposed to be like. i'm just being a silly billy.

Actually not a Virgo. Let's see if any people who actually believe in astrology can guess correctly. It's now only a 1:11 chance that they get it correct, not 1:12.

I guarantee you they won't all be in agreement. Not even if I said I was born n December.

(in reply to HipPoindexter)

Post #: 18

RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/28/2013 5:45:07 AM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I also don't talk about sexual things with strangers. Yep, coming from a phonesex girl that's pretty funny, isn't it? But it's true.

Well, you gave at the office.

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it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

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Post #: 19

RE: how prickly are you when you first start talking to... - 12/28/2013 9:58:31 AM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

I'm a prickly pear. My written profile is short and to the point. I have a Dom, we're monogamous I'm here for the forums. It takes a maximum of 3 msgs to find out they haven't bothered reading it and want to make me theirs.

I've reverted to snarky now. I'm getting msgs from men who are supposed to be grown ups. Who should be able to read simple declarative sentences. I know I'm asking for too much, not like I haven't been here for long enough.

I never have a problem getting a msg from this side of course, it's the profile side that has a tendency to do me in.

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