Trying to be helpful (Full Version)

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sublizzie -> Trying to be helpful (7/4/2006 2:42:26 PM)

I've not seen another thread on this, but I'm sure there's one somewhere that I missed....

Am I the only one who contacts a Dom, emails back and forth for a while, then realizes that I'm really not what he wants and says so? I got blasted a couple of months ago by a Dom I was interested in when I realized that he had physical requirements that I did not meet and said that I obviously wasn't what he wanted. I wasn't being snide or pouty or bratty. Just aware that I was taking up his time unnecessarily.

Do other Dom/mes get upset when a sub says s/he isn't what you're looking for?



purelea2003 -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/4/2006 3:00:09 PM)

I personally appreciate honesty - whether it's in the form of informing me you don't think you  meet my requirements or that I don't meet yours. It's the greatest form of respect in My opinon. Time is precious and non-renewable.



sleazybutterfly -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/4/2006 3:11:54 PM)

I have had that happen... I think they take it as a personal attack..(goodness only knows why)..when you only want to save everyone the time.  I haven't figured it out..but I learned a long time ago not to try.
 
I say that..yet I am asking why about something else on another thread..nevermind..
 
                                    andrea (ticia)



RavenMuse -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/4/2006 3:14:28 PM)

If I realise the girl I am talking to isn't what I want, either find too many 'red flags' or simply find no spark of dynamic forming and my intrest waneing then I have no qualms about letting her know and avoiding wasting both our time, I certainly don't mind when it comes from the other side. It takes two to tango and loss of interest on either side means it isn't going to work.

Likewise I've had a negative reaction or two when I've let them know. Some peoples ego can't handle the rejection no matter how politely its worded.



babysburnin -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/4/2006 3:25:00 PM)

How did he blast you?  Would he rather you lie to him?  I think it was "right" of you to be honest.  It's his problem...he probably figured he invested time in you, and how dare you not be his fantasy... Don't spend a second more worrying about it - you were honest.



CrappyDom -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/4/2006 3:26:41 PM)

Attacking inexperienced submissives often makes them work overtime to make up for the "wrong" they are manipulated into believing they have committed.

Sort of like fishing using dynamite.



sublizzie -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/4/2006 3:45:32 PM)

Even a year ago I would have been devastated. When this happened I was just curious why someone would be so upset that I was trying to be helpful.



findmedaddy -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/4/2006 3:50:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Attacking inexperienced submissives often makes them work overtime to make up for the "wrong" they are manipulated into believing they have committed.

Sort of like fishing using dynamite.


Amen amen amen! I have fallen into that trap (or found myself being ripped up by the dynamite) over and over. I keep coming to the conclusion that I'm the common denominator, and maybe I am, but it's my lack of experience with the manipulators that's getting me, not things I am doing "wrong." Thank you so much, crappy and others, for continuing to point this out.



diamonddreamlove -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/4/2006 3:52:02 PM)

Have had the same thing happen.  I will continue to express myself because to do less is a form of deceit and besides who wants to waste each others time together.  The flip side is i had a Dom that informed me that it was His decision as to whether i would please Him or not.  Which in that particular case was a new way of looking at my own insecurity at the time.  Either way i would rather have a Dom angry in an email than meeting one i know in advance that i am unlikely to be of interest to or worse that i have already decided i have no interest in and am wasting their time.  Rejection can be kind tho and i recommend using the words you yourself would prefer to hear than to be rude and crude as some have been. 




TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/4/2006 3:58:29 PM)

Because he was the Dominant and you were telling him what was right for him..lol..I am not saying you were wrong ...you were right..however..I am just telling you what his mindset was, more than likely..be well..Tempting



wetsub000 -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/5/2006 2:37:44 AM)

I often find myself in that situation, where it seems obvious the Dom I'm emailing is not going to fit my requirements or I'm not going to fit his and I rarely hesitate to say so.  Some find that helpful and politely send me on my way and others seem to take things amiss.  One way I've heard the attitude come across is 'if you were a true submissive you'd want to ... to please me'.   I'm not sure how one can change their age, physical attributes or really their nature that much.



feastie -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/5/2006 2:45:22 AM)

It is really funny to me is how people will say things in conversation, in getting to know each other...and when you realize that you don't fit with this person based on something he's said, he gets pissy about it.  As if what he said previously wasn't what he truly felt.  A lot of times, I'll give them a second chance, but they just wind up saying the same thing again. 

At that point, I just usually let them think it's all me and nothing to do with them and let them go.



Caretakr -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/5/2006 3:16:45 AM)

I'm tired, and the damned commotion from idiots blasting fireworks all night has thrown off my sleep schedule-but here goes.

Firstly,there are a lot of things people tend to leave out of profiles. Kids, overwieght, history of mental illness,etc. etc. etc.

Try not to waste people's time by failing to clear it up quickly.

Don't expect to be accepted as you are, if they don't even know who the FUCK you are. Secondly, philosophical view points are important. Example. I am a Christian Conservative.

I will probably not do well with a Jewish Liberal, who likes to howl insults at my conservative comrades at political rallies-it would be nice if I was informed of this.

I don't have the slightest objection to being told I don't click with someone. I do, at being kept in the dark.



DoraExplorer -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/5/2006 3:41:41 AM)

Personally, I've found that the way a person reacts when they're rejected usually shows me that I was right in my decision to reject them in the first place....




MrrPete -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/5/2006 7:04:16 AM)

He just showed you his true colors and you're better off moving on.
I'm glad you discovered this side him before it went any further.

IM[not so] HO he was not entirely honest with you in that he didn't
mention his physical requirements earlier.

Personally I try to settle that issue before I even contact someone.






littleone35 -> RE: Trying to be helpful (7/5/2006 11:11:47 AM)

I would not worry about it if i was you.  He should thank you for being honest and not wasting either of your time.  He sounds like he might need help if he blasts you for being honest.   Just take it from its source and try not to let it bother you.

Matt's littleone



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