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Hello, when you are looking for a sub - 1/2/2014 6:46:09 PM

jg1992

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/2/2014
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I was wondering. When you want a sub. Do you look or expect them to come to you ?

And what kind of things do you look for :) ?

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RE: Hello, when you are looking for a sub - 1/2/2014 7:14:58 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
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First thing, take time to know the person as a person, forget about the submissive/dominant part. It's important that you are compatible in all areas ... outside interests, hobbies and many other things.

Once you both feel the "chemistry/connection" then it's time to venture into kinky discussion.

It's up to the dominant to know what he/she wants from the submissive. Decide what part he/she is to be in your life. Do you want to eventually live 24/7, have only a casual long term relationship or one of many variations.

< Message edited by MsLadySue -- 1/2/2014 7:15:16 PM >

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RE: Hello, when you are looking for a sub - 1/2/2014 7:21:02 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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Welcome, jg. Great starting question.

When I was 'in the market', I both looked and responded to people who wrote me. I don't think there are any set rules; as MsLadySue said, pick the profiles of people you would want to get to know as friends and take it from there. Dominant women are women first, dominant second, so just approach them like you would the cute lady you see at the library, or out walking your dog in the park.

The FAQ sticky at the top of the Ask A Mistress section has a lot of great advice about how to craft your profile and approach dominant women. Very best of luck to you, and happy new year.

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RE: Hello, when you are looking for a sub - 1/2/2014 11:00:33 PM

rokkman7456

Posts: 50
Joined: 2/25/2013
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quote:

Dominant women are women first, dominant second, so just approach them like you would the cute lady you see at the library, or out walking your dog in the park.

Very true, Treat them with respect, shower them with compliments (other than how beautiful they are). My Domme is intelligent, caring, fun to be with, domineering, sadistic, great dinner partner and rocks my world. I do tell her, her eyes and her smile make me melt ( of course this is in the vanilla world, in the other it is wicked passion in her eyes and an evil grin)

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RE: Hello, when you are looking for a sub - 1/3/2014 6:25:31 AM

DarkSteven

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There's an old thread about this: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4419646/tm.htm

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RE: Hello, when you are looking for a sub - 1/3/2014 6:47:52 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jg1992

I was wondering. When you want a sub. Do you look or expect them to come to you ?

And what kind of things do you look for :) ?

When I'm "looking," I both searched/wrote and also responded to those who wrote to me. FIRST I want to get to know him in a vanilla way, before bringing kink into it. You can't base a whole relationship on kink, or at least I can't. And I want him to get to know me as a woman first, before as a Domme. THEN I look for things like intelligence, humor, good communication skills, the ability to look good whether he's wearing jeans or a suit, and serving skills that are important to me. I look for a willingness to serve. There's more, but this is what first comes to my mind.

NBMG

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RE: Hello, when you are looking for a sub - 1/4/2014 5:38:49 PM

jg1992

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Joined: 1/2/2014
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Thank y'all all very much
It has helped my think and reanalyze things I have been doing :)

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RE: Hello, when you are looking for a sub - 1/4/2014 6:45:11 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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jg, I just popped by your profile and would like to make a comment on the dick pics. With few exceptions, most women don't want to see pics of disembodied buttholes or cocks. Women in general perceive visual things differently than males. If someone shows us their dick, we think 'he's a dick'. If someone shows us their asshole, we think 'he's an asshole.' It's the equivalent of walking up to a woman you don't know in a library or park and pulling your pants down. If you wouldn't do it there, don't do it here.

Also, in general, women are much less dick-centric than most males are. We mostly don't take an interest in your mister until you've captivated us as a whole person first. This is one of the most common mistakes out there between men and women and does not change just because people are kinky. I'm not saying sometime down the road, a dominant woman you've gotten to know well will not be interested in your equipment. We're human, after all.

But some strange penis floating around in the ether...eh, not so much, and it's likely to offend the target audience you seek.

Guys posing as females, however, will probably dig it!

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RE: Hello, when you are looking for a sub - 1/5/2014 9:22:29 AM

FriendlyMuppet

Posts: 171
Joined: 11/16/2010
From: Corpus Christi, Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: rokkman7456

quote:

Dominant women are women first, dominant second, so just approach them like you would the cute lady you see at the library, or out walking your dog in the park.

I guess I'm different than most people in that type of circumstance, but I rarely go up to a "cute lady" in the library and try picking her up. It's not because I'm shy (as that would be a completely different issue) but because I figure they have enough of this pick-up atmosphere to deal with on a daily basis in that when they come to the library to read a book, I'm assuming (hopefully correctly) that they didn't come to the library to pick up guys but to possibly read or do research. Forcing pick up attitudes upon people just because they're attractive seems like it would be such a turn-off. I could be wrong here, and maybe every woman at the library goes there to get picked up by random guys (I've never claimed to be all-knowing).

Over the years, as I've been mostly responsive to the dominant women who I tend to know from mixed company, I've been a lot more comfortable being approached by someone interested in getting to know me than in trying to turn every social avenue into a pick-up bar. Strangely enough, this approach has been quite successful for me, although I'm sure if I went in with the attitude of "scoring" with the ladies, I could probably pick up a whole lot more than has been my statistical average.

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RE: Hello, when you are looking for a sub - 1/5/2014 12:26:01 PM

LorraineCA

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Joined: 12/10/2013
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I can only speak for myself but my slave has to come to me. I expect him to know how to clean a house. I think most Domme wants the submissive to come to them. Especially Pro-Dommes

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