Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mistress?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mistress? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mistress? - 1/5/2014 10:16:23 AM   
SubSonForMommy


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/21/2012
Status: offline 		I was wondering if someone with a greater deal of experience could clue me in on whether what I seek is something unrealistic?

More specifically, what I seek is a Domme, and a dynamics, that are what I call "benevolent authority":

Not sadistic. Any pain inflicted is strictly as a fair punishment for actual transgressions; and not aimed at torture or pain as a source of turn on for the Domme.

Dynamics wise, the Domme is more interested in seeing her sub excel and be proud of him, than anything else. That means the Domme is more turned on by being proud of the sub than by his humiliation.

I guess the best way to describe this dynamics would be as mother/son (the good relationship kind) or a mentor/mentee.

Having spent some amount of time browsing the profiles and contacting some of the most matching ones, it seems to me that the dynamics that I'm seeking is not really present (I won't bother cataloguing what is out there, as that would be merely useless whining).

I'm wondering if that's because what I seek isn't reasonable or feasible, or merely not very common and thus I just need to spend more time seeking before giving up.

Thank you for any insights or information.


< Message edited by SubSonForMommy -- 1/5/2014 10:19:44 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/5/2014 10:43:20 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		I think what you seek sounds very realistic. I imagine a great many dommes would be interested in that.

Online you will find a high percentage of profiles with stuff like 'I am your Goddess Princess, you are unworthy to look upon me, I will laugh at your small penis as you crawl around being whipped'. The reason for that is that a lot of those women are professionals and/or financial dominants. They advertise the common fantasy to get trade. If you go out and join your local community you will find that the majority of lifestyle dominants care deeply about their submissives and want them to thrive. Some sadists, some not.

My advice would be not to rely on the internet as you main way of finding a partner. You'll get some skewed ideas. In the mean time, I'd think hard about your profile because it is all you have to make you stand out from the thousands of male subs online and at the moment it's mostly about your kink, not much about you as a person.

Now that said, your profile describes a lot of incest role play fetish which is hard limit for a lot of people. Not saying you shouldn't look for it, but be aware that it will limit the number of potentials.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to SubSonForMommy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/5/2014 10:46:26 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		*Tsk* Silly boy, of COURSE it's a perfectly realistic expectation. There are many of Us who prefer to Guide, Manage, and Encourage Our submissives. I know several "nurturing" Dommes (and a few nurturing male Doms as well).
Your profile name indicates you are seeking a Mommy type...well don't forget there are Nanny and Teacher types too. If you are a "little", then one of these three types would be the best match...and what you would be looking for is a "D/s dynamic" rather than "BDSM dungeon Play"

There are several groups specializing in this type of dynamic.

(in reply to SubSonForMommy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/5/2014 10:55:26 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		What they said.

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/5/2014 11:05:54 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Entirely possible. I myself was never into humiliation or sadism. Not so much into the whole age play aspect, but I think you were using it more as an example rather than to be taken literally, yes?

As with everything, your search will take time and patience. But it's entirely within the realm of finding what you are looking for. Good luck in your search.

(in reply to SubSonForMommy)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/5/2014 12:23:47 PM   
LorraineCA


Posts: 114
Joined: 12/10/2013
Status: offline 		I think what you is asking is realistic. Just mind your manners. Mind your P's and Q's as they say. Lol.........

(in reply to SubSonForMommy)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/5/2014 8:11:38 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

Entirely possible. I myself was never into humiliation or sadism. Not so much into the whole age play aspect,...


Me neither, on all counts.

SubSonForMommy, it's pretty obvious you're seeking a Mommy-Domme type, and there aren't a whole lot of us out there into doing that as far as I know. If the age play isn't so young that sexual relations isn't out of the picture with you, then your odds will increase with more of a sensual Domme. For instance with me, I won't accept a sub who can't perform sexually. And it has to be with passion and ardent enthusiasm, not obligatory or "forced."

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/15/2014 2:32:28 AM   
FilmWithMistrix


Posts: 35
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline 		Thats very much in vein of a daddy boy leather dynamic, and in my case a daddy baby girl dynamic. Not unusual at all. And yes, even tho I am female, i prefer daddy.

(in reply to SubSonForMommy)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/15/2014 4:20:59 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Welcome to the non-profile side. What you seek is entirely realistic. However, I think you'd have a far better time of it if you joined your local community. You're in NYC -- there are numerous groups there.

Here's a link to TES: http://www.tes.org/

_____________________________



(in reply to SubSonForMommy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/15/2014 6:12:07 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Sounds like you're seeking a nonsexual, mentoring relationship with discipline. The maledom/femsub version of that is called Domestic Discipline, Taken in Hand, and Head of Household relationships. just look for the gender-swapped version.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/15/2014 6:33:29 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline 		Excellent question.

Personally,I'm looking for a Domme who can take care of me in the style I've become accustomed to.

(in reply to SubSonForMommy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/15/2014 6:38:36 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		Some Dominants ENJOY "keeping" a sub...like having a pet. Just be sure you please Her and do what you're told, or bye bye TV and internet, bye bye nice clothes, and that nice sports car She allows you to drive.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

Excellent question.

Personally,I'm looking for a Domme who can take care of me in the style I've become accustomed to.


(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/15/2014 8:43:10 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS

Some Dominants ENJOY "keeping" a sub...like having a pet. Just be sure you please Her and do what you're told, or bye bye TV and internet, bye bye nice clothes, and that nice sports car She allows you to drive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

Excellent question.

Personally,I'm looking for a Domme who can take care of me in the style I've become accustomed to.


Yeah, I enjoy keeping pets -- real ones, not raise a lazy-ass man-child who needs to move out of his mother's basement (or quit working) so he can sponge off of a Sugar Mama. And probably has a puny dick, on top of that.

Meaning no disrespect, MM, I was never a kept woman, and turned down several obnoxiously conceited and/or decrepit millionaires in my day who would have wanted to try to control me.

I'll be damned if males can now pass off sloth and ineptitude for submissiveness. Not saying this necessarily applies to the OP, just had to say my piece.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/16/2014 4:48:22 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS

Some Dominants ENJOY "keeping" a sub...like having a pet. Just be sure you please Her and do what you're told, or bye bye TV and internet, bye bye nice clothes, and that nice sports car She allows you to drive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

Excellent question.

Personally,I'm looking for a Domme who can take care of me in the style I've become accustomed to.


Yeah, I enjoy keeping pets -- real ones, not raise a lazy-ass man-child who needs to move out of his mother's basement (or quit working) so he can sponge off of a Sugar Mama. And probably has a puny dick, on top of that.

Meaning no disrespect, MM, I was never a kept woman, and turned down several obnoxiously conceited and/or decrepit millionaires in my day who would have wanted to try to control me.

I'll be damned if males can now pass off sloth and ineptitude for submissiveness. Not saying this necessarily applies to the OP, just had to say my piece.


I'd just like to say at the outset, I am NOT LAZY....I'm motivationally challenged (and Mom never come's downstairs after 7:30).

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/20/2014 4:22:32 PM   
subdrake


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/20/2007
Status: offline 		It is possible to have that style of kink. In one of the service visits that I have done, the Domme was soft spoken and refrained from physical punishments, but she was also very relentless about constantly doing little things to assert her position at the top of hierarchy. Taken individually, each gesture did not amount to much, but the cumulative effect over 3 to 4 hours definitely sent me into complaint subspace.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/21/2014 7:16:43 AM   
MissessMia


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2013
Status: offline 		If by benevolent you mean that the Domme is not sadistic, not mean, and truly likes to be happy and to have those in her service to be happy, then, yes. I am that type of Domme. I will kick your ass if you deserve but generally I want to treat my submissives well and to have a happy life.

(in reply to subdrake)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/21/2014 8:34:19 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia

If by benevolent you mean that the Domme is not sadistic, not mean, and truly likes to be happy and to have those in her service to be happy, then, yes. I am that type of Domme. I will kick your ass if you deserve but generally I want to treat my submissives well and to have a happy life.

This is true for me as well, but I read more into this than simply wanting a kind Mistress per the poster's following statement:
"I guess the best way to describe this dynamics would be as mother/son (the good relationship kind) or a mentor/mentee."

Either way, there are loving, affectionate, nurturing Dommes who lead with a firm hand of direction and have exacting standards, but who don't get into humiliation & punishment dynamics. The way I see it, if I have chosen prudently as I should have, my sub wouldn't need a Mistress who has to keep making demands constantly or act like a control-freakish stern taskmaster.

Nevertheless, cross me, and it won't go well for (generic) you. Do something egregious and I will tear (generic) you a new one. (And that's if I still care enough about [generic] you to bother.) Truly piss me off at deal-breaker level, and (generic) you will become history in a flash.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MissessMia)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/21/2014 10:27:21 AM   
MissessMia


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia

If by benevolent you mean that the Domme is not sadistic, not mean, and truly likes to be happy and to have those in her service to be happy, then, yes. I am that type of Domme. I will kick your ass if you deserve but generally I want to treat my submissives well and to have a happy life.

This is true for me as well, but I read more into this than simply wanting a kind Mistress per the poster's following statement:
"I guess the best way to describe this dynamics would be as mother/son (the good relationship kind) or a mentor/mentee."

Either way, there are loving, affectionate, nurturing Dommes who lead with a firm hand of direction and have exacting standards, but who don't get into humiliation & punishment dynamics. The way I see it, if I have chosen prudently as I should have, my sub wouldn't need a Mistress who has to keep making demands constantly or act like a control-freakish stern taskmaster.

Nevertheless, cross me, and it won't go well for (generic) you. Do something egregious and I will tear (generic) you a new one. (And that's if I still care enough about [generic] you to bother.) Truly piss me off at deal-breaker level, and (generic) you will become history in a flash.


That's pretty much how I role as well and I will dole out corporal punishment if necessary.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mi... - 1/21/2014 1:11:46 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		This is easily realistic.

It has been many years since I attended TES meetings. I understand they are a bit smaller, but you should be able to find what you seek there.

I would also suggest you try vanilla web sites. I found my slightly submissive girlfriend on OKCupid. You answer questions, which can give you personality scores. Specifically, they let you tell the world how kinky you are AND how dominant/submissive you are, without forcing you to be specific.

You can also imply things in your profile, without being specific.

That worked for me.

I live in manhattan like you. If you have questions about the scene, I can tell you about my experiences in depth. Feel free to email me.


(in reply to MissessMia)
Profile   Post #: 19
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Is it realistic to seek a "benevolent" Mistress? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109