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Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/5/2014 9:25:28 PM

jg1992

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/2/2014
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Ok so I have always been told to answer a Domme with Mistress or Ma'am or even Goddess

But when they call me boy or slave or sub
I feel likes it's disrespect
You don't know me and I'm not ur sub or slave or boy

Am I in the wrong for feeling that way ?
Or she I be ok with it

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/5/2014 9:57:50 PM

oohlalaa

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Joined: 10/10/2013
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You should be fine with it. You have to earn the privilege of being called something else.

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/5/2014 10:02:27 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
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FR

Are you dealing with pros/findommes? Most of the lifestyle dommes that I know of don't like honorifics unless the dynamic has been established and consented to by both parties. Any man who told me right off to call him Sir, Lord, etc. would be laughed at and blocked if there was no relationship there and I hadn't consented to be his.

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/5/2014 10:08:40 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
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He should be fine with it and has to earn being called something else?

Dear god, I am getting old.

Wrong!

Do not do anything or accept anything you are uncomfortable with. Period. A submissive man does not need to become less so that a self professing domina can become more. If she needs such... she needs to check her own mirror out without the lies she is telling herself.

You are submissive. You determine how you wish to submit. You must live with yourself long term. You are responsible for your own well being, mental and emotional health.

A woman putting on airs as if she is something better isn't dominance. Yeah... you can guess what comes after that statement. You want to play their game, then go for it, enjoy yourself, but if you don't, don't cave into the bs.

Call them by the name on their profile and then you can ask them what they wish to be called and if you agree, call them that, but do not fail to stand your ground on what you wish to be called.

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/5/2014 10:15:34 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

He should be fine with it and has to earn being called something else?

Dear god, I am getting old.

Wrong!

Do not do anything or accept anything you are uncomfortable with. Period. A submissive man does not need to become less so that a self professing domina can become more. If she needs such... she needs to check her own mirror out without the lies she is telling herself.

You are submissive. You determine how you wish to submit. You must live with yourself long term. You are responsible for your own well being, mental and emotional health.

A woman putting on airs as if she is something better isn't dominance. Yeah... you can guess what comes after that statement. You want to play their game, then go for it, enjoy yourself, but if you don't, don't cave into the bs.

Call them by the name on their profile and then you can ask them what they wish to be called and if you agree, call them that, but do not fail to stand your ground on what you wish to be called.

Rawni, she just confirmed what I said. She's a finduck.

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/5/2014 10:17:43 PM

SSBBWLady

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Joined: 11/15/2013
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You say you get offended when someone PRESUMES to call you a pet name but say you always call them a title you choose? It really could be the same for any Domme you talk to. You're not HER sub she's not YOUR Mistress or Goddess(Which some women absolutely hate btw)
The best advice IMO as is usual around here is do what works best for you. If you feel a woman has disrespected you by calling you boy or sub or slave, tell her and/or don't continue to speak with her.
For me I let people know what I'd like to be called at first contact. I choose what I'd like to call them, if that doesn't work, things don't usually progress :)

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/5/2014 10:18:31 PM

Rawni

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LOL Oh god, I haven't heard that in a long, long time!

However, it was I'm a fuckaduck.

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/5/2014 11:38:42 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I don't run into a lot of people in the face to face world that do this silly nonsense. I wasn't really surprised to see s4ms uncover the extra information.

There are some women in the real time community, Myself included, that don't use their real first name at munches and gatherings. There's not a nice way to say it. Some of us do it because there are some nuts jobs and stalker types out there and some folks will use a first name to pry for additional personal information. That's not really the same thing. Like I said on the other thread, yes, I do prefer to be called Lady Pact, LP, or just Pact at community stuff, but that's enough options to give those who don't like honorifics to have a selection.

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/6/2014 2:27:20 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir
She's a finduck.

If she looks like a Domme and quacks like a Domme...

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/6/2014 2:36:17 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SSBBWLady

You say you get offended when someone PRESUMES to call you a pet name but say you always call them a title you choose? It really could be the same for any Domme you talk to. You're not HER sub she's not YOUR Mistress or Goddess(Which some women absolutely hate btw)
The best advice IMO as is usual around here is do what works best for you. If you feel a woman has disrespected you by calling you boy or sub or slave, tell her and/or don't continue to speak with her.
For me I let people know what I'd like to be called at first contact. I choose what I'd like to call them, if that doesn't work, things don't usually progress :)

I might have misunderstood the OP, but I read it that these women were telling him 'call me Goddess' (or whatever) and then proceeding to call him by a name he didn't like.

OP - I think you already know the answer. If someone treats you in a way that feels disrespectful, they aren't a good match. There are lots of folks out there who like to get to know each other and negotiate before they start calling people titles and pet names.

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/6/2014 8:24:16 AM

FieryOpal

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Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

You are submissive. You determine how you wish to submit....

Call them by the name on their profile and then you can ask them what they wish to be called and if you agree, call them that, but do not fail to stand your ground on what you wish to be called.

Given that you are a submissive male, jg1992, you shouldn't mind being referred to as submissive or as a sub in a generic sense. But if you are being addressed as "sub" instead of by your user name or the name by which you have signed your message, then you are being objectified, and you have the right to not go along with that.

Make sure you sign your message how you wish to be addressed (such as "John" or "john") and note how she signs hers.

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/6/2014 8:30:00 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jg1992
Ok so I have always been told to answer a Domme with Mistress or Ma'am or even Goddess

Have you met someone in real life who told you this? This sounds like online "wisdom" that, as usual, is horseshit.

-- RedMagic1 writing on an online message board

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/6/2014 7:54:33 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jg1992

Ok so I have always been told to answer a Domme with Mistress or Ma'am or even Goddess

But when they call me boy or slave or sub
I feel likes it's disrespect
You don't know me and I'm not ur sub or slave or boy

Am I in the wrong for feeling that way ?
Or she I be ok with it

I think you should tell her next time you see her....

"Listen Chickey....I ain't your boy"....then I'd go piss on her lawn and wake the neighbors at the same time.

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RE: Ok I need you lovely Mistress's help with this - 1/6/2014 8:08:33 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jg1992

Ok so I have always been told to answer a Domme with Mistress or Ma'am or even Goddess

But when they call me boy or slave or sub
I feel likes it's disrespect
You don't know me and I'm not ur sub or slave or boy

Am I in the wrong for feeling that way ?
Or she I be ok with it

No, I don't think you're wrong for feeling that way. The only one I saw on this thread so far who disagrees is a findomme and they are a different bird altogether.

I don't think anyone who is NOT YOUR Domme is in any position to demand honorifics like Mistress or Goddess. At the same time I don't think she should call you boy, slave or sub when you are NOT HERS. I'm fine with being called my first name but if someone chooses of his own accord to call me "Ma'am," I just consider it some extra politeness. I myself sometimes say "Ma'am" and "Sir" to people I don't know as a polite gesture. If he called me "Mistress" or "Goddess," I'd consider it over the top and let him know as much, in a nice way of course.

NBMG

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