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pg4g -> RE: ...Rape Fantasy... (1/17/2014 9:30:11 PM)
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For me, I guess rape fantasy is big part of my sex life. As a dominant person, rape fantasy is the one area I want to lose control, have it taken. I seek out other dominants who can do this, and who can handle consensual nonconsent themselves. Goes both ways. If that makes me dominant seeking dominant, or switch seeking switch I don't know, still trying to work that out. Or maybe the labels don't matter at all and who gives a crap?
But this comprises I suppose around 30% of my love life. I've told my partner I can be taken at any time. I do have a safeword, but there are very strict cases in when I'm allowed to use it. 1. Physical illness, injury, or the potential for major of either to occur. 2. Psychological distress. If a partner can't handle it due to past trauma, that's a fair reason to get out. 3. Interrupts with life itself. You can't fuck over my job or bills. Significant for me as I'm military. 4. No others without permission. I'll safeword out if anyone sees, know, or participates that I haven't agreed to beforehand. Other than that, no rules. Can knock me out and do the deed, tie me up, force me to do whatever, knives and threats are fair game. Excruciating pain. No barriers. Even if I do safeword out, my partner will just ignore me unless it's for one of those reasons.
Do I get fearful? Absolutely. I've safeworded due to the fear and the pain, and the utter "I do not want to do this, I really don't" of the situation. It was why I told my partner my reasons above: to stop fear and pain forcing me to end it. But the thrill and the shock and the utter realization that nothing I do will stop how much this person wants to use me and take me and own me and do whatever the heck turns him/her on, no matter what I say? That's what blows my mind. That this person's animalistic want of me will override everything and take every drop of power I have? Whoa... And I can fight. Fuck... The animal inside me argues and wrestles and tries to take back control, and I let loose, but because I'm generally restrained, there's nothing I can do. The freedom to fight something you hate is extremely liberating, especially when there is no risk you'll hurt anyone, because you're out of control.
I'd love doing that to my partner, too. Taking their control and making everything about my wants, and how much I want them. I could do what I want, without restraint, without burden, they're mine to own and take for that moment. I'd let the animal inside out, to take what it wants. Every restraint I keep on my desire for control could drop off and it can be animalistic and freeing. I'll put a disclaimer here... I don't want to do this without permission beforehand. I want to know they're going to enjoy this before I turn into a careless animalistic person and take what I want. And that's why my partner hasn't given me that permission, and I'd never do it. But you can dream, right?
And is this something that was hard to deal with that I liked? Yes. Especially that I liked to be taken when I hated it. Everything inside me is dominant and enjoys that... But losing it against my will made me hate it, and despise it, and that partner, and yet I felt thrill at the thought of it... Scared and fearful and hating but aroused. Then to deal with the fact that I also am so strongly a protective person in every other element of my life... Well it didn't sit well with me at all.
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