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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/8/2014 6:24:45 AM

kalikshama

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I share myotherself's concern that you are allowing yourself to be emotionally blackmailed into a Hard Limit.

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/8/2014 6:26:07 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Disobeying a direct order.

Mine was this: He left to do a favor for me and told me to take a shower while He was gone.
As I was going to the shower, I remembered a thread on CM, and something that had been niggling at me solidified and I figured I had time, it was only going to take me a few minutes to respond with my brilliance.

When He got back I still hadn't showered.

OMG, I can so relate to this!

Addictive, isn't it?

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/8/2014 10:53:49 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissive1974

I recently felt neglected by my Master, our schedules are a bit harsh for both of us right now. I sent an email suggesting he would be happier if I left and such. well needless to say after being ignored for a day and a half he has finally started speaking to me again and will be pushing me past a hard limit as a slave. I will work vigorously to regain his love and devotion. Huge transgressions and this girl won't happen again.

Breaking a hard limit isn't punishment. It's abuse. It's also not going to solve the underlying problem that you were feeling neglected. At best, it'll make you too frightened to speak up next time you're unhappy. When one person lives with their own unhappiness out of fear of being mistreated by another, we call that 'abuse'.

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/8/2014 11:24:34 AM

KinkyNCuddly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16

i thought i'd throw another example out there for you, tied...
this was a violation of a direct order...

i was told to email /check in every hour while i was out with girlfriends having drinks. i was feeling a little bratty after i had emailed him 2 hours in a row and saw that the emails hadn't even been read...that pissed me the hell off...why have me email you for my "safety" if you aren't even bothering to check for the damn emails to make sure i am safe!?? so i just stopped at 9pm and then i was supposed to be home by 11pm and when i got home at 3am i emailed saying, "Sir!!! i'm home!!! yay!!! had a blast!!!"...
ummmmmmmm.
bad, bad, bad girl...he was not amused. i was grounded to the house for the entire weekend and then on top of that i wasn't allowed any beverages but water for 2 wks!...yikes. that was a killer...as diet coke is my thing...just one a day, but still. killer!

See, that sounds like a load of bullshit to me. I'd never tolerate someone asking me to checking in for my "safety" and then not even reading the emails. I have a real problem with lazy Doms who assign a bunch of work for the sub, while they loll around doing nothing. I'd feel bad that I was with this person, not that I'd failed to check in every freaking hour (yawn).

But then, your tolerance for micromanagement may be higher than mine. :-)

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/8/2014 11:55:04 AM

DesFIP

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We don't have a punishment dynamic. Because it hasn't ever solved the underlying problem. Besides in all the times he could have chosen to punish me, after we calmed down and talked it out, we discovered it was actually miscommunication.

I know we both speak English, but it's amazing how local slang can be so different.

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/8/2014 12:33:53 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KinkyNCuddly

quote:

ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16

i thought i'd throw another example out there for you, tied...
this was a violation of a direct order...

i was told to email /check in every hour while i was out with girlfriends having drinks. i was feeling a little bratty after i had emailed him 2 hours in a row and saw that the emails hadn't even been read...that pissed me the hell off...why have me email you for my "safety" if you aren't even bothering to check for the damn emails to make sure i am safe!?? so i just stopped at 9pm and then i was supposed to be home by 11pm and when i got home at 3am i emailed saying, "Sir!!! i'm home!!! yay!!! had a blast!!!"...
ummmmmmmm.
bad, bad, bad girl...he was not amused. i was grounded to the house for the entire weekend and then on top of that i wasn't allowed any beverages but water for 2 wks!...yikes. that was a killer...as diet coke is my thing...just one a day, but still. killer!

See, that sounds like a load of bullshit to me. I'd never tolerate someone asking me to checking in for my "safety" and then not even reading the emails. I have a real problem with lazy Doms who assign a bunch of work for the sub, while they loll around doing nothing. I'd feel bad that I was with this person, not that I'd failed to check in every freaking hour (yawn).

But then, your tolerance for micromanagement may be higher than mine. :-)

See...to me that does not make sense. Granted, as Oside says BDSM is not the same as D/s or M/s BUT...when you have a power exchange of ANY sort whether it is a parent/child, boss/employee, teacher/student there HAS to be ONE leader and there has to be one "vision" that is being worked towards. As a boss, I don't WANT to "punish" an employee and, as an employee, I never want to get in trouble or disappoint my boss BUT their has to be a system set up and the unwritten agreement that one person is accountable to the other and has a consequence if they choose to go another way... If I, as a sub, decide which rules I will follow and which I will ignore...then am I REALLY a sub? I decide WHO to submit to, but at some point, I must agree to submit my will to his.... Even things as "ridiculous" as where we eat dinner or what to watch on TV... one person has to give in and go along

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/8/2014 12:50:51 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

We don't have a punishment dynamic. Because it hasn't ever solved the underlying problem. Besides in all the times he could have chosen to punish me, after we calmed down and talked it out, we discovered it was actually miscommunication.

I know we both speak English, but it's amazing how local slang can be so different.

I rarely get punished by any authority figure. I typically do WHAT is expected or decide in a way that I know will please the person in charge. By your own statement, "..all the times he could have chosen to punish me...actually miscommunication." You are recognizing his right... It is also his right (how I am reading this) to allow for explanation and judge the matter closed. If both of you held to your position...who would win? Yes, as a sub, you always can refuse but, in my experience, if I refuse and he refuses...the result must be an end to the dynamic...

Honestly, in my case, I have been given the choice (Malcolm and I are not exclusive nor am I a collared sub or slave)...when we established things I agreed to accept the consequences for not obeying. We have some specific and unusual rules because we are not 24/7 and because either of us could begin seeing another person at any point...but I would not accept HIM breaking his word to me just to avoid something momentarily unpleasant!!

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/8/2014 6:41:11 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

quote:

ORIGINAL: KinkyNCuddly

quote:

ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16

i thought i'd throw another example out there for you, tied...
this was a violation of a direct order...

i was told to email /check in every hour while i was out with girlfriends having drinks. i was feeling a little bratty after i had emailed him 2 hours in a row and saw that the emails hadn't even been read...that pissed me the hell off...why have me email you for my "safety" if you aren't even bothering to check for the damn emails to make sure i am safe!?? so i just stopped at 9pm and then i was supposed to be home by 11pm and when i got home at 3am i emailed saying, "Sir!!! i'm home!!! yay!!! had a blast!!!"...
ummmmmmmm.
bad, bad, bad girl...he was not amused. i was grounded to the house for the entire weekend and then on top of that i wasn't allowed any beverages but water for 2 wks!...yikes. that was a killer...as diet coke is my thing...just one a day, but still. killer!

See, that sounds like a load of bullshit to me. I'd never tolerate someone asking me

See...to me that does not make sense. Granted, as Oside says BDSM is not the same as D/s or M/s BUT...when you have a power exchange of ANY sort whether it is a parent/child, boss/employee, teacher/student there HAS to be ONE leader and there has to be one "vision" that is being worked towards. As a boss, I don't WANT to "punish" an employee and, as an employee, I never want to get in trouble or disappoint my boss BUT their has to be a system set up and the unwritten agreement that one person is accountable to the other and has a consequence if they choose to go another way... If I, as a sub, decide which rules I will follow and which I will ignore...then am I REALLY a sub? I decide WHO to submit to, but at some point, I must agree to submit my will to his.... Even things as "ridiculous" as where we eat dinner or what to watch on TV... one person has to give in and go along

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/8/2014 8:42:42 PM

DesFIP

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Tie: if he had gotten angry and punished me, and then when he calmed down talked it out, he would have felt pretty shitty about jumping on punishment without first figuring out what went wrong. And I would feel invalidated because he wouldn't have bothered to listen to me first.

By the time my marriage ended, anything I said was ignored. I was invalidated and it's not something I can live with without dreading my partner. So why would he want to have me stop loving him, be afraid of ever talking to him, and have my skin crawl when he touches me?

This is a hot button for me. I'm totally unwilling to be with someone who won't talk to me and listen to me. By punishing without first seeing if it actually required that or not, it says to me that he isn't safe for me to be with.

The other thing is that if it comes to a point where it's willful disobedience then that shows the relationship has already broken down and I've lost all respect for him. Because I don't not keep my word when I give it and for me to deliberately do that, would show that I didn't care any more.

Which is not to say there aren't natural consequences. If we were going somewhere and I didn't shower in time, the consequence would be to go with my hair limp and looking horrible.

As far as being forgetful, he knows that will happen if I don't write things down or set an alarm. So he gives me time to do that. If he decided I shouldn't be forgetful and couldn't have any coping skills, then he'd be setting me up to fail. And I have nothing but contempt for people who do that.

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/8/2014 9:48:54 PM

littleone35

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fi submissive1974
You have hard limits for a reason is why they are hard. If he is going to push you past one a a pumishment. I have to ask wht in the hell is wrong with this guy?
Hard limits are not to pushed aside on a whim he could cause you some serious mental and maybe physical harem. I say try to talk to him tell him the readon why it is a hard limt. if he does not want to talk or listen to you i say run don't walk away fron this guy he sounds like he is not the brightest bulb in the pack.

If Master ever wanted to push me past my hard limits, h wold sit me down and have a long talk about it. In the end if i was comfortable i wouls say ok Master go for it. If anythiing made me worried and uneasy it would not happen. He waold want to make at a godo experience for both of us. It was easy for us we both ave the same hard limts.

just be really careful with this guy sounds like he could be dangerous.

Matt's littleone

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/9/2014 7:33:18 AM

rokkman7456

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I am supposed to text when I wake up and when I leave for work. Was in a mood yesterday and didn't do it.. Got a text from her asking where was I at and was I still in bed? Punishment this weekend with a very nasty whip I recently bought.

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/9/2014 1:04:22 PM

SpyUnderCover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Disobeying a direct order.

Mine was this: He left to do a favor for me and told me to take a shower while He was gone.
As I was going to the shower, I remembered a thread on CM, and something that had been niggling at me solidified and I figured I had time, it was only going to take me a few minutes to respond with my brilliance.

When He got back I still hadn't showered.

OMG, I can so relate to this!

Addictive, isn't it?

What part is addictive, kalikshama? Reading CM threads? Getting punished? Or something else?

Spy

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/9/2014 6:15:45 PM

breagha

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i'm not allowed to curse... at all. sometimes i slip up ( usually when i'm feeling silly and giddy ) soap in the mouth is the punishment... when it is a particularly bad word used it is liquid soap. if soap isn't handy... its a little slap to the mouth. i've gotten pretty good at catching myself before i say something that i'm not supposed to. that was my most recent one... there have been other though.

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/9/2014 8:26:02 PM

littlewonder

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Yeah...never ever leave a little stubble. Otherwise....there's this little piece of cartilage between your nasals that fucking hurts when someone squeezes it between his fingernails.

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/10/2014 12:11:09 AM

TieMeInKnottss

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Sorry about that... I believe I was Kana's memory trigger...

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/10/2014 1:45:08 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Even though I'm usually the one defending the validity of punishment dynamics here, I honestly can't remember the last time I was punished, or why. It just doesn't come up that often. There aren't many little rules to follow, and I guess I'm past my rebellious stage.

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/10/2014 5:57:01 PM

HipPoindexter

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FR in a previous relationship, a woman I'd been involved with for a month or so got pissed at me for making fun of one of her friends and "shut off her phone" (you know, forbade calling or texting) to me for three days. We lived in the same city but were both busy and mostly hung out on weekends, so this amounted to cutting off contact. She was hot and we had fun together but after a couple of days I actually realized I wasn't that into her anyway.

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/11/2014 7:27:29 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpyUnderCover

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Disobeying a direct order.

Mine was this: He left to do a favor for me and told me to take a shower while He was gone.
As I was going to the shower, I remembered a thread on CM, and something that had been niggling at me solidified and I figured I had time, it was only going to take me a few minutes to respond with my brilliance.

When He got back I still hadn't showered.

OMG, I can so relate to this!

Addictive, isn't it?

What part is addictive, kalikshama? Reading CM threads? Getting punished? Or something else?

Spy

In this case, I was referring to collarchat :)

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RE: How Have You Gotten In Trouble? - 1/25/2014 2:01:41 AM

DeineSKlavin

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I was given a direct order not to allow some one to use my car. I violated it and had to write an essay on "The Importance of Rules" given by Herrchen. I was to think about it thoroughly first and then write at least 500 words and send it to Him via email no later than the following day. Why did I violate this Rule? Honestly, it was a newer Rule and I forgot about it. It was also cold that night and I was too lazy to change into warmer clothes and go fetch the darn pizza. I was speaking with Herrchen on the phone and said we had pizza and 'X' had put gas in the car. The conversation stopped and I was immediately questioned about who was operating my vehicle. The light bulb instantly went on - uh oh, I messed up. Luckily, all I had to do was write this time. I was advised each time the Rule was violated, the punishments would become more severe. Gotcha, no problem, I can behave.

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