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The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 7:04:10 PM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		OK. Going to start this with a disclaimer here. This may or may not be moved to the off topic forum, though I think here is as good a place as any.

I have recently gotten a few CM mails from people saying how nice it is that I am posting more now. I thought it might be a good idea to start a thread instead of the one by one responses.

BDSM. This means many different things to many different people. For Me it is just an all encompassing acronym (I love Me some acronyms, being all military and stuff) about what it is that we all do in one form or another. For the longest time, the military frowned on this as part of the DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell), and too some extent they still do. Technically to them, no person can consent to being beat, hit, flogged, needle pricked, cock twisted ETC. I think we all get the picture here. However, now unless they specifically see Me partaking in such fun little activities, writing about it is no longer a big bad taboo. Do not get Me wrong. I have been emboldened, but I am still not posting a face pic (sorry people ), but I will now start posting My opinions (be afraid.... be very afraid). As I get a little more comfortable, the Picture thing may change, but for now....NO.

I had also, due to recent events, decided it best not to put Myself out into the public. There was some fear of being outed, accused, and perpetrated against. This kept My wittle fingers from going tap, tap, tap (Like the hidden reference here , though in reality its more of a hunt and peck thing. I always say I can type by touch.... I touch every key on the keyboard while staring down at it while hunting and pecking) and partaking in some of the great conversation/debates on the forums. Well, no more. No more will any event define who I am. I had to come into this on My own, no one was able to do it for Me. Not the beautiful LP or any friends could get Me there.

I am also at the point in My career that soon I will be a ROAD NCO (Retired On Active Duty Non Commissioned Officer). The most that can be done to Me is told I must retire.... oh darn. The worst thing that My NCOER (Non Commissioned Officer Evaluation Report) can do to Me is give Me a paper cut (though those little fuckers can hurt when you catch them in the webbing of the fingers), so this also has made My give a fuck meter break.

This brings Me to My final thoughts on this topic. I AM going to retire and no longer have to rip up roots after three to four years to move, yet again. This means that I will be actively looking for a submissive eventually. I always thought, for one it would be unfair to own a sub, knowing after three years it would be over, or two to ask them to rip up their roots and move with LP and I, oh yeah, and by the way, you will have to pay for it because you are not My dependent. As people get to know Me better either through the forums and posting or meeting IRL, I will be free to do this without any worries. So for better or worse, I think I am here to stay for a while.

Has anyone else had to put their search for, or participating in a dynamic because of career and/or life circumstances on hold? If so, how did you deal with or cope with it? Thank you for reading this and/or replying if you do.

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 7:15:08 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Oh yeah!! Marriage, kids, work, health...all get in the way of fun

(Don't know how much you read of previous threads but, in my case, I am "partially divorced" according to the state of MD, have 2 little boys, a FT stressful career...all of which have caused a start/stop rhythm to my personal life both my personal vanilla and kinky lives.. I don't have your self-discipline to NOT get involved until the time is right)

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 7:16:03 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yeah I had to a few times. After the ex Dom and I had broken up, I was living someplace that I didn't know anyone or anything and I had a child who was having major problems plus I felt that I had no place of finding a relationship which was most likely going to be long distance when my daughter was still in grade school and I knew as soon as she graduated high school which was still another 10 years away, I would not be staying in the area or anywhere even close to the area. That would not have been fair of me to uproot someone or "force" them to move with me or suffering myself with having to break up with someone. So I basically put my life on hold for 10 years to concentrate on my daughter and my own life to get myself straightened up because I was so fucked up.

And that's exactly what happened with my life...almost. I did end up meeting Master on here and my daughter still had 5 more years of school left. Thankfully he understood and he stuck it out with me and we dated long distance during all that time until she left and was on her own. I then moved here to be with him. Had he been local at the time though I don't think we would have even begun dating. I wouldn't have wanted myself or anyone else hurt during that time.

I commend you though for understanding your situation and waiting it out. My deceased husband was military and we were always having to put things off because we were moving every 2 years. We had wanted to buy a house and start a big family and I could never take a permanent job. So like you, we knew our circumstances and played each day by that. It's not always easy but you do what you have to do and you learn to be patient.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MisterP61)
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RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 7:17:09 PM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah.... maybe I should have been a little clearer. I do read the posts and forums. I just refrained from participating. So yeah I knew one or two of those things.

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 7:19:33 PM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you Littlewonder.

< Message edited by MisterP61 -- 1/7/2014 7:21:07 PM >

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 7:24:16 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah I have had to put my life on hold for the time being. I am caring for my elderly, kidney failing parent in the last part of her life. That means no travel, few hours off, and certainly no home based play for me until it is over.
How I deal is mostly writing, forums, and more writing.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to MisterP61)
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RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 7:25:11 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		Me!
I had a pending lawsuit regarding a personal injury (that I sustained in a car accident). I didn't want it to go to court and their PI had dug up that I was kinky. It benefited me greatly actually. I learned the social feel and learned a lot just lurking around. It probably saved me from putting my foot in my mouth a bit at the beginning.

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 7:43:27 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		Well, MisterP, I am glad You've decided to come out from the shadows!!! Your POV on things is a pleasure to read!

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 8:21:19 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I was married to a man who knew of my interest, but he wasn't interested himself. He did tell me I could pursue my interest, however, it just didn't feel right to do so. Yes, the marriage was in name only by then. Yes, I considered divorce. His health was deteriorating and I felt I did owe him something as we'd been married for 25 years. He needed someone to take care of him. For a couple of years my submission was based on service to him.

Fast forward a few years and the husband passed away 14 months ago. I am finally able to attend the BDSM camping week I have read about online and have dreamed of going to for a couple years. It takes place about 120 miles from my home. What an eye opening week for a newbie!!! Midori is there giving lectures. Lew Rubens is doing suspensions. There is needle play and suturing and caning and the outdoor dungeon is filled with the sound of whips at night. I meet Gary. Gary and some friends have traveled from MT to WA to attend the event. He's had a lung transplant and I'm not at all sure I want to get involved with someone with health issues again. He pursues and in 6 months of chatting online and on the phone and going with him on trips to his doctors I agree to quit my job and live in his motor home with him as he travels from AZ to WA to MT each year.

We've been together for 8 1/2 years now. In the last couple years Gary has had many health issues related to the transplant. Heck, I have COPD now so we understand when the other has problems breathing. We are both older. We have birthdays in the next month and we'll be 73 and 63. The floggers don't come out of the bag very often now as he gets tired so quickly. The violet wand is much easier to do. However, he still makes me blush when we're out to dinner or drinks by just looking at me a certain way. It was all worth the wait.

< Message edited by peppermint -- 1/7/2014 8:22:35 PM >

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 8:43:11 PM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Glad you went ahead with the relationship. I would think that not getting into a relationship because something health wise might come along would prevent any good things from possibly happening. I believe we are all born with a terminal illness.... it is called life. We can spend it worrying about something, that no matter how much we worry, WILL happen no matter what, or we could just realize that life is short in the grand scheme of things and grasp it by the proverbial balls and enjoy the fuck out of it.

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 8:49:01 PM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

Well, MisterP, I am glad You've decided to come out from the shadows!!! Your POV on things is a pleasure to read!

Why thank you blonderfluff... and just because of the sadist type in Me WEG hehehe

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to Blonderfluff)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 8:52:24 PM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Trying to hit everyone who replied. It may end up being a losing battle. @ Missokyst My prayers go out to you. It is not an easy thing watching a parent die. @shiftyw I cannot say I could blame you on that. Those shyster lawyers are real dicks when they want to be. Wait who am I kidding, they are dicks because they want to be.

ETA those **** should be the "at" sign. Not sure why they come out as asterisks.

< Message edited by MisterP61 -- 1/7/2014 8:53:05 PM >

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 9:41:50 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		My daughter was diagnosed with the most rare and severe form of bipolar disorder. I was told to detach because by age 16 she would be a pregnant, drug addicted runaway and dead by age 20.

Finding a partner was not at all important compared to keeping her alive. Thankfully a couple of years later new medications came on the market. So then it became apparent she would be the first with this variant to graduate high school, graduate college, compete in her sport nationally when we were told that Special Olympics would be beyond her.

The Man's put up with a lot dealing with all of this. But the stability he's brought to her life is part of why she's flourished so well and only part of why I love him. He's stood by me, and my kids, when their own father wouldn't. We were ldr for 3 years till he could move up here. I was clear from the beginning that I could not uproot her.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 10:22:13 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I think it's awesome you're posting. It's great to know LP and I'm sure it'll be just a s great getting to know you.

We have never really had to put our searches on hold. Most of my jobs are "alt" type jobs and the one that isn't is done from home (occasionally out in the world). We have no kids, so we are free to do what we need to do.


_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 10:32:39 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, I have had to put my search for a partner on hold because I am about about to embark on the cancer train.

And how unfair would it be to offer someone new damaged goods?

Some people say to latch onto someone and I say, hell no. Unless I was already in a relationship where I would I wouldn't get kicked to the curb for getting sick. Otherwise the search is over I guess.

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/7/2014 10:38:33 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Like others, I'm glad to see you posting. I have a lot of respect for LP and it's good to know you a little more.

I didn't really put a search on hold, I just stopped searching. Coming from an awful marriage into an unhealthy M/s relationship which I *thought* was healthy, I needed to just stop. A very good friend asked me, "How much time have you spent with just you? Just being you?" And the answer was...not at all.

So I rebuilt my life and spent time getting to know and love myself. When the Mister came along and introduced himself to me, I wasn't interested in pursuing anything, because I was having such a great time with myself, and I felt a relationship would just complicate things.

On his end, he was sort of casually looking, figuring if something special happened, cool, but if not, no loss. His focus was on being a parent to his daughter. He had just moved over an hour away from his job to be near his daughter who was starting high school. He moved around the corner from her & her mom, in fact. She was his priority, as it needed to be.

So for the last nearly 5 years, we've lived an hour & a half from each other, working around his daughter's needs, both our jobs, my aging mother, family dramas & traumas, etc. When we realized we had something pretty special, we planned to move in together after his daughter finished high school - no need to change her world (by him moving away or me moving in) while she was in some pretty important years.

And next week we're moving in together.



_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/8/2014 2:36:15 AM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		:)
Glad you could open up.
It's not easy for some, but it's good to show that you can.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/8/2014 7:55:46 AM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Lets see if I can actually do this in order as opposed to My mish'mash from previous posts.

DesFIP... You do have a great man there. There are not many who would take on that kind of challenge, but We are out here. Very happy for you NY

TNDommeK... Thank You. I do read the forums quite a bit and there are some posters more then others that I read, and you and the others who posted to this thread are some of them.

sexyred1... you have cmail. My prayers and thoughts will be with you through all of this, and I expect a happy ending for you. They have come a long way in the last 20 years with the big C.

NuevaVida... Just a smile. sometimes its all it takes to convey how I feel. Best of luck to you with the relationship

Toysinbabeland... No not always easy to open up, but I was ready to try again on the forums and the overwhelming support from people has been nothing short of amazing. Thank you.

ETR an errant (

< Message edited by MisterP61 -- 1/8/2014 7:56:16 AM >

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to Toysinbabeland)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/8/2014 8:31:05 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

This brings Me to My final thoughts on this topic. I AM going to retire and no longer have to rip up roots after three to four years to move, yet again. This means that I will be actively looking for a submissive eventually. I always thought, for one it would be unfair to own a sub, knowing after three years it would be over, or two to ask them to rip up their roots and move with LP and I, oh yeah, and by the way, you will have to pay for it because you are not My dependent. As people get to know Me better either through the forums and posting or meeting IRL, I will be free to do this without any worries. So for better or worse, I think I am here to stay for a while.

Has anyone else had to put their search for, or participating in a dynamic because of career and/or life circumstances on hold? If so, how did you deal with or cope with it? Thank you for reading this and/or replying if you do.

I've moved a lot as an adult, and it's had an effect on my dating life. But, honestly, it's hella fun to be single. Maybe if I were a woman my age in this society I'd feel differently, but I'm under no pressure to settle down. I can date when I want, and be bachelory when I want. It's pretty nice. I don't feel as though I have to cope with anything.

That said, three years is a loooong time for a D/s relationship with a third person outside a marriage. If you're waiting to follow your internal moral code, that's cool. But if you're waiting because you think women wouldn't be interested in such a "short" time window, you might want to re-think. I'm pretty sure quite a few ladies would be attracted to the chance to serve under you, or under the two of you, even knowing it was "only" going to last for a couple years at most. You're both capable, sensible people, and that's less common (and sexier to female subs) than you might realize.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The whyness of it all - 1/8/2014 8:36:24 AM   
Ollieboomboom


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/2/2013
Status: offline 		Chiming in on this fantastic thread. I was on hold taking care of me and deciding what part of the coast I'm going to live on. I don't see it as fair to get involved with someone knowing I would eventually be leaving.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago and a routine stress test that revealed not so routine results. I have a heart cath test on Monday after which I'll know more about what is going on with my heart. I'm in good spirits about it and have a fantastic cardiac care team.

I'll be on hold again as I work hard to lose close to 100lbs and get my health up to par. I do plan on going to munches though, parties and camp-outs. I won't participate as I used to until I get stronger. As far as a Master is concerned, I have my health to consider and I'm still up in the air about where I'm going to live. I have an 80 year old mom in NY and grands and kids in the Pacific North West. Paso de Paso, Dia por Dia. Step by Step, Day by Day.

Hearts and hugs go out to all of you.

dovie

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 20
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