quote:

ORIGINAL: nyx84

Ok and my desire for violance is only ever directed at 1 person who I haven't seen in over 10 years so I don't think I'm a danger to anyone

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Okay. You're 28 and in a ten year relationship. You sound like you're a submissive who is pretty settled.

It sounds to me like you were abused as a little girl and you want to be able to recapture what was stolen from you. But once you realize that you're vulnerable, the Protector side comes out.

I'd recommend "confronting" your abuser in your memories, while in therapy.

Good luck.

And welcome to the forums.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Okay. You're 28 and in a ten year relationship. You sound like you're a submissive who is pretty settled.

It sounds to me like you were abused as a little girl and you want to be able to recapture what was stolen from you. But once you realize that you're vulnerable, the Protector side comes out.

I'd recommend "confronting" your abuser in your memories, while in therapy.

Good luck.

And welcome to the forums.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Okay. You're 28 and in a ten year relationship. You sound like you're a submissive who is pretty settled.

It sounds to me like you were abused as a little girl and you want to be able to recapture what was stolen from you. But once you realize that you're vulnerable, the Protector side comes out.

I'd recommend "confronting" your abuser in your memories, while in therapy.

Good luck.

And welcome to the forums.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nyx84

So why my submissive desires started refusing to be repressed anymore a few years ago. I new without question the bigest danger to my safty was my own desire. It was only with some difficulty I finally accepted those desires and made space for them in my life. Since then things have been going fine until now.

Its almost 2am and I can't sleep. I can't sleep because I'm angry (last time I was afraid). I keep thinking about being a little girl. This makes me angry because anything even hinting at age play always does. Normally I just avoid the subject like the plage. But now I can't stop thinking about it. And nit only am I thinking about it i'm craving it. And its making me so angry and violent.

So instead of sleeping I'm posting hear in the hope that putting my thoughts to words will calm me enough so I can sleep

Hi NYX84

Many people can’t sleep because they can’t stop thinking. It happens to all of us one time or another.

Being angry with yourself because you internally desire something is using will power to change a feeling. Something like … I want to quit smoking (But I love it!). It’s hard work and takes a long time.

I found the quickest way to change a behavior or fall a sleep is to self hypnotize. Self Hypnosis is not hard to learn and the results will change your life forever. It's a terrific technique for dealing with any of life’s issues.

With that being sad …. If you’re ever in New York and need a sugar daddy with a dark side. I’m at your service
Blue

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ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

Many people can’t sleep because they can’t stop thinking. It happens to all of us one time or another.
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ORIGINAL: nyx84

I've never acted on it and nor do I want to (I have a lot of childhood issues) the other night was the first and only time I've even imagined myself being involved in age play. Since then I've been thinking alot about why.

Normally in my every day life I can be very childish my partner (and Master) finds it amazing that I am both the most mature and serious person he knows while also being the most childish. But always before my childishness and my submissiveness have been two separate things.

In hindsight I see a lot of ways the two are connected. So since my original post there has been a lot of talking with my partner about it and even more thinking and also alot of indulgence of my childishness.

I'm finding life very stressful at the moment (I have to be more dominant at work then I am happy being because of both the nature of the job and because of tge bullying that takes place add in that xmas was extremely stressful as well) and I was suppressing all the childish behaviours I normally enjoy so I could be serious all the time. And I have noted in the past that if I supress myself my desires come back with avengance. But I guess that I avoided understanding what motivates my childishness to much and shouldn't have.

So after all the talking and analysis (he doesn't like age play either) that its not needed I can be childish without pretending to be a child or without it becoming sexual or crossing into any of our other kinkyness.

Edit: silly touch screen I pressed to post befire I finished typing