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OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 3:23:48 AM   
NHBDSMgirl


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/29/2012
Status: offline 		Had someone join in our play time and they tied me very loose, and this didn't put me in the mood. I'm in good shape and muscular so I need to be bound tightly or I can get loose. But when someone who is binding me keeps asking if I'm OK, this kind of blows the situation for me, takes the realism out of the scene. Am I different?

Tanya





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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 3:29:54 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		No, I think what you want is pretty normal. If loose bindings spoil the fun, and regularly checking in on you spoils the fun, perhaps it's best that you only play with people who are very experienced with rope and who know you well so they can judge your reactions. It seems like the only way you'll get both tight bondage and fewer check ins, short of playing with someone who just doesn't care about your safety.

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 5:08:48 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Hi, Tanya! Welcome to the site.

It was his or her first time tying you. So they were more concerned about you being okay than you getting off. Keep playing and letting that person know what you like and can take, and it'll get better. Two people need time to adjust to each other.

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 5:32:44 AM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		In their defense, rope play can be quite dangerous. Done wrong, one can cut off circulation, lock in knots, or in extreme cases cause skin necrosis. To find that happy medium between kink and cartoons, you really have to know the person and they you. Hey, think of it as an excuse to talk and hang out in a non sexy-time situation

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 5:49:38 AM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		While too many check ins can spoil the mood, if the person has never played with you before they are extremely considerate.
It seems obvious that the two of you had not spoken about this in advance, that's not to say that you didn't talk about play, rather than to say you both have no idea what the other one was up for, or what it would be like to play with the other one.
Now that you know for certain, wouldn't now be the best opportunity to speak openly about this?
you can only improve communication skills by opening up the lines.

If you are concerned that this is an ego buster, you can start off by enthusiastically discussing the fact that you would like to have more play time, and that you would like to give more to this person.

Eta:
I don't know susie Astley....lol.


< Message edited by Toysinbabeland -- 1/10/2014 5:53:02 AM >

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 6:12:20 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I'd be concerned if a new partner played at 100% and didn't check in. If giving feedback during a scene spoils the mood for you as it does for me (unless critical, of course), do say something afterwards, or before the next time.


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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 6:28:45 AM   
HipPoindexter


Posts: 188
Joined: 12/20/2013
Status: offline 		Checking to see if the ropes are too tight should be done condescendingly and with a villainous laugh. Nothing kills the mood faster than a nebbishy solicitousness.

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 7:18:54 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I do see what you're saying, there is a delicious thrill from being tied tight where you can't escape, even if you try. But common sense and communication HAVE to enter into it. Maybe you could get together again in more of an educational casual setting and experiment with the ropes, let them see how tight you can actually be tied before it turns bad, and how long you can be tied before problems with circulation start to happen. Then when it comes time for a real scene, everyone can let loose and really get into it without being quite so careful.

Personally, I get a delicious thrill when people are educated and concerned for my welfare

Another thought, if there is a bdsm group in your area, many times there are rope experts around who would be glad to mentor you all a little, maybe teach you some tricks you don't know yet

< Message edited by windchymes -- 1/10/2014 7:20:23 AM >

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 9:24:02 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I find rope play dull and frustrating. I am an escape artist and if someone is wanting to tie me and I am getting bored I will slip those knots quickly.
The best way for me to endure someone's need of "art", I let them know I will escape unless I am bound with leather or metal cuffs, shackles or someone else forcing me still while they practice their craft.


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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 9:28:03 AM   
talander


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/8/2014
Status: offline 		god I love being tied even if I can escape I wouldn't just cause of my sub side, but learning to escape cuffs would be handy giggles,

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 9:44:33 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Did you tell them ahead of time that you like tight bondage?
Did you agree to speak up if there was a problem, like a limb going numb?

If not, then part of this is your fault. The rigger is not a mind reader. If his usual partner has wrists that go numb every time the rope is tight, then he's going to tie them looser.

You need to negotiate for what you want.

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 10:04:20 AM   
NHBDSMgirl


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/29/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for your input.

Tanya





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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 10:12:13 AM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		It comes with time and practice. One person I do rope with, the first time he tied me, I almost didn't feel the ropes (we were both inexperienced, but aware). Over time, with lots of feedback from me, and ideas from him, it's gotten to be amazing. For me, those first sessions where he was overly cautious and solicitous of me are what make me able to let go further now than I thought I would. I know he is aware of my body and it's limitations from experience, so I know I can trust him to not push me further than I can handle. At the same time, he knows he can go further because he trusts me to tell him when something isn't working, or if I'm having a problem.

I'll second the public workshops and sessions. It's easier to learn and grasp the subtleties in person, rather than from a book (at least for tightness). Plus, if it's a workshop or open practice, usually the focus is on practice, *not* playing, so he may feel less anxiety about creating a good scene for you, and focus more on learning how to do it more effectively for you.

And, um.... this may not apply to you if you're experienced with rope, but read up on it yourself. If you're being tied, it's your body that will be damaged if things go wrong. You need to be able to recognize the beginnings of wrongness (cold, tingling, numbness, lightheaded, etc.) and communicate that immediately to your top so they can address it. Your body means you get to live with the consequences of mistakes.

Happy roping!!

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 11:04:19 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Communication is the key.

A dominant will often base exactly how they work on you by previous sessions and tend to go easier with someone they haven't played with before. I've noted that one person's excruciating may be another persons "it tickles".

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 12:46:25 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NHBDSMgirl

Had someone join in our play time and they tied me very loose, and this didn't put me in the mood. I'm in good shape and muscular so I need to be bound tightly or I can get loose. But when someone who is binding me keeps asking if I'm OK, this kind of blows the situation for me, takes the realism out of the scene. Am I different?


I have 3 personal bondage rules when tying someone up.

First is no chance of her escaping. I'm a "control freak" and I regard bondage as a physical expression of my control over her. She's welcome to try and get loose all she wants - and usually only the first time or two is sufficient to imprint in her mind who's in charge here (IF I've done my job to standard). What I won't have is any nonsensical rules about how the girl's not sposta untie herself etc. If she can, I've screwed up.

Second rule is her safety. I want her restrained/immobile/helpless AND vulnerable etc. But I absolutely don't want her harmed or damaged or even distracted from sliding into sub-space. Normally we say "safety FIRST" but then the safest practise is not to tie anyone up at all; which defeats the purpose.

And this is probably where your partner is; that it can be a difficult to balance both rules, esp if they're new at it. My experience of subs is that they like to be tied tight and such that they can't escape themselves. Because otherwise they have exactly what they don't want; a level of control over their situation, and thus a real downer for their sub mindset....

When done, I do occasionally check in verbally with her, esp if we're new together, but otherwise I do it visually (skin colour) and with touch. The latter is done like she's just meat to maintain the control atmosphere - a rough tug at the bindings or just grab her hand or foot to know her skin isn't cold etc. Conversely, if she's not sliding into sub-space then that's when I do ask questions. Cos subs are also reluctant to say a knot is too tight or itchy etc for fear of being untied (god I love subs!).

As was suggested, you need to discuss with your partner pre and post scene. It's important you both enjoy this from your opposite perspectives.

Btw, my 3rd rule is mostly for me. That the bondage must be aesthetically pleasing to my eye (neat, tidy, functional, NOT excessive for the purpose etc) without distracting from her greater bound beauty.

Focus.

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 1:25:57 PM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Is the picture you ? because if it is, the binds look like a single strand of 6mm nylon sitting fairly tightly on a major nerve.

I love tying a person tightly but I wouldn't do it with a single strand of 6mm nylon. I'm really glad he checked in on you regularly and didn't tie that particular bind tighter that what it already is.

If you love rope and you want to be bound tightly, I suggest you both go along to some rope workshops and actually learn the ropes.

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 1:41:45 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Looks like both median and ulnar nerve could be affected median more likely than anything, the test being back of hand, and little finger numbness and obstruction of moving fingers side to side for ulnar, and palm skin and thumb for median.  Any cold or clammy hands and that is off, way before the nerve buzzing.

But yeah, more wraps and spreading that would be way good. 

Dunno M, but that looks like good old clothesline cotton to me.  But you are the munificent maven of ropes.... so I wont be adamant.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 1/10/2014 1:46:09 PM >

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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 1:49:14 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: talander

god I love being tied even if I can escape I wouldn't just cause of my sub side, but learning to escape cuffs would be handy giggles,


police cuffs?  cut you one of those nylon ties, and wedge it into the space where they lock and the locking mech.  push lightly tighter, it will help the nylon crawl up on the ratchet and pawl, then push the nylon "zipstrip" in towards the lock itself, done-ie!!!!!

If you got old windshield wiper blades, inspect them closely, you will see a metal stainless steel skeleton perimeter in them, tear it out, clip it in half, and shorten it, and use that instead of the zipstrip, no fucking around with that one. slick as can be.

But ductape your thumbs to your palm and you would be fucked for any of that eel stuff.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 1/10/2014 1:55:30 PM >

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 1:56:55 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: talander

god I love being tied even if I can escape I wouldn't just cause of my sub side, but learning to escape cuffs would be handy giggles,


police cuffs?  cut you one of those nylon ties, and wedge it into the space where they lock and the locking mech.  push lightly tighter, it will help the nylon crawl up on the ratchet and pawl, then push the nylon "zipstrip" in towards the lock itself, done-ie!!!!!

If you got old windshield wiper blades, inspect them closely, you will see a metal stainless steel skeleton perimeter in them, tear it out, clip it in half, and shorten it, and use that instead of the zipstrip, no fucking around with that one. slick as can be.

Damn, Ron.
That's scary and sexy at the same time.


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RE: OK to tie me tight... - 1/10/2014 1:59:35 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I have not always been a man of such hella refinement and couth. You could use a bobby pin as well, but boy you gotta have alotta practice with that little fucker, and it hurts cuz its so small to jam it in.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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