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Personal Question ?Honest Answers All Pls? - 11/19/2004 1:50:02 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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This Question is for Doms, Dommes, Subs, and anyone who cares to honor me with a reply...
How common is Impotence among subs/slaves? I know that some people in this lifestyle don't care for intercourse, therefore that it is a non issue; but I do, and wonder if that's something one should ask a sub at 1st meeting?
I dated a sub a few times, for whom the last time he got an erection was years ago, and it was with Viagra (he's late 40s now); I don't find intercourse absolutely necessary if everything else is perfect, but am wondering if that is a common thing among male subs, or an exception.

The reason I ask, is because I also bought a cheesy (poor quality/poor acting) D/s videotape, and the slave on there (who looked like he was in his early 30s), couldn't get an erection either throughout the tape despite he/she taking matters into their hands.
I know this is a very personal question, and hope I'm not touching anyone's nerves, but it's something that I want to understand, and even as I would try not to take it personally, would wonder a little (as it's Not a problem I've ever encountered before entering BDSM).
Is it the age? Is it the submission? Is it common?
Ms M

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RE: Personal Question ?Honest Answers All Pls? - 11/19/2004 1:59:29 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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From My personal experience it is not common. However, I alsowill say that I do not milk. Many slaves claim they want orgasm suppression and even check off the box permanent orgasm suppression. Milking can help to achieve that, as can castration (which many seem to fantasize about!). Although there are medical reasons why a male does not rise to the occasion, I do feel that excessive orgasm suppression can contribute to impotency.
I'm not a doctor here, and I have not run into this situation Myself, but I am a firm believer that regular masturbation (to orgasm) at My feet, along with the satisfaction of other kinks may help in maintaining, not only prostate health, but keep the sexual organ itself vital. And, as a Domme, I feel it is also My responsibility to help ensure that the boy does not have performance anxiety or problems due to long term suppression, not only sexually, but mentally and emotionally. If a boy comes to Me healthy, I have a tendency to try to keep him that way.
Could be wrong here. So I look forward to keeping up with the responses on this one.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 11/19/2004 2:05:29 PM >

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RE: Personal Question ?Honest Answers All Pls? - 11/19/2004 2:16:57 PM

wyngedbyste

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/12/2004
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In my experience, Ms. M, it is quite common. When questioned, the subs/slaves who have the difficulty attribute it to the power imbalance in our relationship. For them, it feels wrong to perform what they feel is an aggressive act on their dominant. Their mind may be willing to try, but their body is making it impossible by not allowing an erection.

Byste

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RE: Personal Question ?Honest Answers All Pls? - 11/19/2004 2:48:03 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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Ms. M,
I wouldn't recommend many/any D/s videotapes as real life examples of people in the lifestyle. The reasons for the male slave's lack of erection could range from drug/alcohol consumption/abuse to this being his 10 movie shoot of the day, to his Master/Mistress just telling him not to.

In your experience with your sub, his admission that his last erection was "years ago" and was with the assistance of Viagra is very telling. If it was critical and important to him, obviously he could acquire more Viagra and his erection would occur again. What is his history in the lifestyle? Maybe a prior Mistress didn't allow him to achieve an erection or climax. I don't think his age has anything to do with it. And as far as its being 'common' - I don't think so, but I don't think it matters.

Of course all this assumes his lack of erection isn't further inhibited by physical reasons such as obesity or diabetes. Maybe having an erection and climax isn't essential to him enjoying a session.

There is an interesting dynamic I've experienced and witnessed in this lifestyle with regards to men. Similar to some woman, a climax or even an erection is not necessarily required for a man to enjoy himself. The mental exchange of power becomes it's own enjoyable and fulfilling intercourse.

You state in your profile your are fairly new to D/s. Keep in mind with all that you see, read, and experience; there is NO standard to live up to. No one path to follow. Try not to compare your life, your sub, or your desires with anyone else. You are a Domme - you're pleasure is unique to you. Seek that as your 'standard' without compromise and you'll find yourself much happier.

It comes down to you. What do you want? If sex is essential to you every time you engage in a lifestyle activity you may have to re-assess your compatibility with this particular sub. However, there are limitless possibilities, with or without tools and toys for him to please you without having an erection. I'd suggest to consider some of those options, and who knows, maybe that additional after-session activity without pressure to perform will generate a response.

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RE: Personal Question ?Honest Answers All Pls? - 11/19/2004 2:49:19 PM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
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The ability to eroticize pain is a learned behavior. Not all subs get hard or aroused from pain. The Domme must help to recondition the brains pain/pleasure synapses for that to happen. For some it comes easier than other. As for impotence. Much of it is mental. The postage stamp test to test for nocturnal erections is the best way to determine if it is biology or psychology. Both are highly treatable.

Ms. Eden

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RE: Personal Question ?Honest Answers All Pls? - 11/20/2004 11:10:38 AM

sting516

Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
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Now, if he doesn't break the ring on the postage stamps, you could just cut it off and use the stamps to mail the thing away!!

Just kidding.

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RE: Personal Question ?Honest Answers All Pls? - 11/20/2004 11:46:00 AM

proudsub

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

The reasons for the male slave's lack of erection could range from drug/alcohol consumption/abuse to this being his 10 movie shoot of the day, to his Master/Mistress just telling him not to.

Also a lot of medications can contribute to impotency.

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RE: Personal Question ?Honest Answers All Pls? - 11/23/2004 12:54:26 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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Thanks Merc, Wynged, Goddess, Proud, Maitress, Sting and all for your input, and sound advice.
I meant to write this thanks note days ago, but computer was F'd...
Good day all,
Ms M

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