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sunshinemiss -> RE: attention (1/13/2014 3:49:45 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: highhopes4us
Thank you for the reply. I have had a major life change just 1 year ago......I guess I didn't realize that it was making me feel insecure.. I have spoken to my Master about my feeling needy and insecure lately and he understood and told me I am his slave and I should never forget that..............
Life happens. We feel secure sometimes and insecure others. That is reality. If you have been having a major life issue that happened a year ago, it's time to start seeking some support about it. Time simply does not heal wounds. It is a necessary part of healing, but without the work put in of facing and dealing with an issue, time simply passes while wounds continue to gape.
You told him that you have a legitimate and long term concern. His response is that you are his and don't forget it? Really? How is that helpful? It may ease the immediate discomfort of a symptom, but it certainly isn't addressing whatever is creating the insecurity and neediness.
I feel insecure because...
After my child graduated high school, I became ashamed that I never finished high school... then take a GED class (or whatever the equivalent is in your country) and remedy that.
I have gained 10 kilos after menopause... then see your doctor, exercise, and change your eating habits.
You are looking at other women, and I don't feel pretty... then enjoy decorating your body for its inherent value, act like an adult in the relationship, and be a supportive partner... and figure out (with him) if he IS looking and whether it is a healthy enjoyment versus planning to end the relationship.
My children have left, and I have empty nest syndrome... then pick up a hobby and make sure you maintain some healthy connections with your children.
I'm exhausted all the time... then check with your doctor for medical issues and take care of your health.
I can't manage my money and hit an age milestone which smacked me in the head about retirement... then take a finance class hire an accountant, or read some books and get your finances in order.
Someone was mugged in my neighborhood last year, and I'm afraid of being mugged... then attend a self defense workshop or learn a martial art.
You see, insecurity and neediness come from a vast array of reasons. Time doesn't simply heal these things. Actions and mindset do. I would find a response such as, "You belong to me and that won't change" to be not only trite but an insult to my intelligence and a red flag that he was not paying attention to our relationship or the gal he's supposed to be involved with. And then I'd wonder what the fuck was going on in our relationship, and would appreciate that insecurity as an appropriate red flag as a warning that something was out of whack... and I'd make damn sure we as a couple addressed it and worked toward fixing it or saying goodbye in a healthy way.
High hopes are not enough... focus and attention, intention and action are what make things work.
good luck,
sunshine
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