no confidence

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megthirty -> no confidence (1/12/2014 9:07:49 PM)
is that fine for a sub

Focus50 -> RE: no confidence (1/12/2014 10:20:35 PM)
Dunno about "fine" but it's understandable if you're talking about a lack of experience as a newbie in this lifestyle. And something to savor as a dom giving instruction to a first timer, btw.... [8D] But kudos for a new member having the courage to ask on a public forum - 99% wouldn't. [:)] Focus.

littlewonder -> RE: no confidence (1/12/2014 10:26:58 PM)
It's good for everyone....dom, sub, vanilla, twisted, white, black, green.....

DarkSteven -> RE: no confidence (1/12/2014 10:36:42 PM)
I prefer subs with confidence, but that's just me. There are others who prefer subs that have none. That said, welcome to the site, and I suggest you make your profile visible.

FieryOpal -> RE: No Confidence in a Sub (1/12/2014 11:02:01 PM)
A male sub who lacks confidence in himself overall is not an attractive trait. I don't look for female subs, but if I did, I would still look for a certain self-assurance because neediness and clinginess often accompany this condition. If he weren't confident about his abilities in a few areas, that might be workable as long as it didn't involve fundamental trust issues. A touch of shyness and modesty, on the other hand, can be quite attractive. Even a turn-on, so it really depends how one interprets these signs. Your emphasis is on NO confidence, which implies immaturity and low self-esteem issues. To this, I would have to say not only is that NOT "fine," it's a big red flag. I'm not into Mommy Domming.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: No Confidence in a Sub (1/12/2014 11:22:34 PM)
~FRing it~ As the others have pointed out, the context in which you view your lack of confidence matters. As an example, both my guy and I are confident by nature. However we were not initially confident in our submission to each other when we first began. For perspective, we both logged significant years as dominants. But this was the first foray into the submissive side of things.

Greta75 -> RE: No Confidence in a Sub (1/12/2014 11:44:59 PM)
Fast Reply I think a sub who has no confidence is in danger of ending up with an abusive dom who will exploit that weakness. Most good doms are drawn to subs with confidence I think. So, I'd just say, choose wisely, be careful, and the most common advice in this forum is, choosing a dom should be no difference to choosing a man in a vanilla relationship.

crazyml -> RE: no confidence (1/12/2014 11:49:21 PM)
It depends what you mean by "confidence". If you're referring to self-confidence then, I'm with DS - some Doms will actively seek out subs who lack self confidence. Some of these Doms do it because they want to help their sub grow and find confidence, a small number do it because it makes it easier for them to control the sub in question. For my part, I have a very strong preference for subs who was confident, independent and generally sorted.

sexyred1 -> RE: no confidence (1/13/2014 12:28:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: megthirty is that fine for a sub Perhaps you should ask if no confidence is fine for anyone. The answer is no. Everyone should have a healthy degree of confidence, it helps with all life issues.

sunshinemiss -> RE: no confidence (1/13/2014 3:26:03 AM)
Confidence comes from experience, from growth, from success, from learning from failure. Some people have been beaten down (metaphorically or physically) and have to build back up to neutral before they can even begin to scale that mountain. People with no confidence generally have an awful lot of baggage to manage or get over. They often haven't figured out who they are. They are at an amazing apex of possibility. I follow a blog by a gal who writes about doing a martial art. She started doing it and truly sucked. She was overweight, slow, uncoordinated. She decided that somebody in her class had to be the bottom rung of talent, and she was choosing to be fine being that person. Regularly showing up and practicing meant that she started to succeed in small things. She could finally do a simple forward roll. She could have someone choking her without panicking, she could get through an entire practice without resting. With each small success, her confidence grew. Is she great? No. But she is happy. She has learned the success of sticking with something as well as actual benchmarks. She is a person with great confidence. By accepting her suckyness, she gave herself permission to learn and room to grow into a higher level belt. Personally, I don't want people in my life with no confidence. I want people who believe in themselves and who can match my own confidence and can lend me some of theirs when I have my moments of doubt... and who can borrow some of mine when they have moments of weakness - because they are strong enough to allow themselves to be human. The only people who want a partner with no confidence is either an abuser or a bully or a person with a savior complex. Thanks, but I like people healthier than that in my world. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. best, sunshine edited - grrrrrammar

VideoAdminChi -> RE: no confidence (1/13/2014 1:13:54 PM)
megthirty - I imagine you got an email from Support telling you what you need to fix in your profile. Make the fix and write Support back. Once your profile is visible, I suggest you start a thread asking for profile advice.

MercTech -> RE: no confidence (1/13/2014 1:16:14 PM)
I'd tend more to develop some confidence in a sub so that I would be proud to all her mine.

sunshinemiss -> RE: no confidence (1/13/2014 3:41:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MercTech I'd tend more to develop some confidence in a sub so that I would be proud to all her mine. So... you wouldn't be proud of having a sub who already has confidence? Well, me and all my friends are certainly not right for you. Have fun. sunshine

ExiledTyrant -> RE: no confidence (1/13/2014 4:52:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: megthirty is that fine for a sub No confidence due to inexperience or do you not posses the ability to feel confident about anything? Exiled

FrostedFlake -> RE: no confidence (1/13/2014 6:48:57 PM)
If you lack confidence it is because you suppose you aren't good enough. That is either real or imaginary. If it is real, then something can be done about it. And something should be. That is not a value judgement. It is merely a fact. Far tougher to deal with than real shortcomings are faults we create in our minds. Because we have first to get out of our own way. That starts with noticing we are in it. The question was, "Is a lack of confidence fine for a sub?" The answer isn't even "No." The answer is, "You are in your own way. Get out of it."

Blueswordsman -> RE: no confidence (1/14/2014 3:12:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: megthirty is that fine for a sub In my opinion, your partner should fulfill you and make you feel wonderful about yourself. Unless no confidence is your thing, he/she should be encouraging and praising you as well as correcting you. Blue

crazyml -> RE: no confidence (1/15/2014 8:53:48 AM)
Yeah, but even with you sassy chicks, there's a buzz to be had from that glint in your eye as you say "Thank you daddy" when we praise you.

anniezz338 -> RE: no confidence (1/15/2014 9:44:02 AM)
I had a lack of confidence because of my childhood with a sadistic alcoholic father. Needless to say it has affected everything in my life. But I tell myself I have to consider the source, my father was just an asshole and loser. I feel to boost your self confidence is to interact with as many people as possible and do things that you want to do but fear, like skydiving, bungee jumping, etc. Do some volunteer work, go to most all invitations to events that you recieve, change up your wardrobe, maybe a job change. Do things that you feel you are not good enough to do. Do more things that take you out of your comfort zone. As far as is it is fine for a sub? I believe not. A lack of confidence is not good for any areas of your life, including your relationships.

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