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A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 2:23:09 AM

Crashdaddy47

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Hi there,

I have got into an argument with my brother, a very intellectual guy, about 'dating' or contact sites or sites like this and I'd love to have a female perspective.

As a generalisation of course, it has usually been the male reproductive strategy to 'spread the seed' with as little emotional commitment as possible. And historically women have preferred the more discriminating, but emotional effort approach. Now I know lots of people are different and that IS a generalisation, but what I mean is this. It seems to be the male strategy on sites like this to send LOTS of messages without much content and then see who replies.

Reading a LOT of women's profiles and it seems like they HATE being bombarded with these pointless messages and would prefer less messages and more personalised content. I have seen a few women's profiles like - here one day and 150 messages in inbox, give me time to reply!!!

I believe that it boils down to a male/female thing and I think the way most sites work is geared towards the male strategy.

Now, he has given me lots of complicated mathematics as to why it has to be this way, but I still say if there was an alternative that forced men to take the 'female' way for a want of a better term it would be successful, certainly with some women

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to build one or anything!! I wouldn't have a clue.

I would just like to know if any women out there would prefer a system to force men to send less messages out and put more effort in? No idea how this would work, obviously!!! But theoretically?

Basically to shut him up, because I'm sure he's being very 'male' about it -which is ok I suppose, but he really is a guy that's easy to argue with!

So, forgive the generalisation and I do know that both men and women come in all sorts with all sorts of desires, so if I'm coming across as sexist I do apologise. Just taking a bit of a straw poll for the female perspective

Sorry for being long winded

Post #: 1

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 2:46:11 AM

sexyred1

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Well, your brother is correct and you are correct.

Unfortunately, there is no system that could be implemented to fix this and you cannot force someone to behave in a specific way.

And, I would not want one.

Why?

Because the current status quo helps to weed out those men who would not appeal to me.

If someone doesn't have the interest, time, patience or finesse to figure out how to speak to a woman, it helps to know that.

There is a spam filter which is triggered when a guy sends a ton of emails out generically and people report it.

(in reply to Crashdaddy47)

Post #: 2

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 2:59:48 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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fr

As annoying as it is to be bombarded with useless messages, at the same time it becomes a screening tool in it's own right. It's very easy to spot the generic messages, the one liners, the cock shots, the thoughtless messages, and the dudes who use a copy-paste message that they believe is so cunning it looks like it's written for the individual.

So yes, the layout of the site makes the 'spam everyone, surely someone will want my cock!' approach easy to implement, but ultimately, they're still contacting women, who will only respond positively to those who put thought into their messages.

Overall then, I guess I prefer the system to stay how it is. If the system forces all guys to put more effort into their messages it's harder to tell at a glance the ones who don't really care. I'd be more likely to waste my time responding to someone only to find out two or three messages in that they were one of 'those' guys.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 3

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 3:19:14 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
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This site has a spam filter that is triggered when enough recipients report messages from a sender as being spam or when a sender sends out a pre-determined amount of messages with the same text - or a combination of both. So this site does have something of what you are talking about, already instituted. As a woman, I love having the spam filter. However, you see men complaining about it often if you read the journals and threads in the forum.

I don't think your brother understands how much of a handicap it is to approach women like interchangeable relationship spot fillers by the bombardment approach. Anyone of worth will toss out the one liners and cut and paste drivel, so that the spammers end up with either a woman who will take anyone, or they end up with no one.

(in reply to Crashdaddy47)

Post #: 4

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 3:20:17 AM

Crashdaddy47

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Joined: 1/6/2014
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That's very interesting.

I hadn't actually thought of that. So basically, because these guys don't HAVE to pretend, they won't and that allows you to immediately know their type. And ignore them. Negative selection if you will

This pretty much confirms women are by far more sophisticated than men. I'm reasonably intelligent, but that had never even occurred to me

Damn, he was right after all :( But for the wrong reasons. He still thinks high numbers and low input is an effective strategy. I hope that doesn't make him a creep!!

Thanks for your contribution.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 5

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 3:22:32 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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He's definitely not right about the strategy. In all the threads we've had here about receiving messages, I've never once seen a woman say she liked getting those bombardment messages or that she met up with someone as a result of one. In fact, it's one of the most common complaints and I imagine most of his messages are deleted unread.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Crashdaddy47)

Post #: 6

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 3:24:49 AM

Crashdaddy47

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Well, that makes me feel slightly better, Athena!!

Thank you

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 7

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 3:27:31 AM

Blonderfluff

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I don't think it's effective for the men. But it's certainly an effective way for us to know who to block so they don't bother us again.
I get much less than 150 messages a day now that I've been here a while, and have liberally used the hide and block functions. This has made the messages I DO get closer to what I'm looking for.

Still get the wankweasels, though.

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to Crashdaddy47)

Post #: 8

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 3:33:11 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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wankweasels, love it.

OP this is what gets written at the top of messages in big red letters if someone sends out enough similar messages to trigger the spam filter:

*** The sender of this message has triggered our bulk content filter and has been prevented from sending additional messages at this time. We place these limits on our messaging system to prevent abuse and maintain the quality of our online community. You should not conclude that this user is fake or illegitimate merely because they have triggered the filter. ***

It pretty effectively deals with them, because a) who would respond after that? and b)even if she did respond, the offending party can't send messages for a while so they can't strike up a conversation.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 9

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 4:24:36 AM

Crashdaddy47

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Joined: 1/6/2014
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Ha ha!

I actually quoted some of your replies to them, as they are very interesting and he has NO doubt even considered the 'other' perspective

His reply:
"tell your girls they're not thinking about it hard enough. Bayes theorem! They're mistaking the relative size of the spammers population for effectively eliminating assholes." and a load of mathematical theory!

You can see why I say he's an easy guy to argue with!! He's an arrogant guy sometimes. Smart, but not as smart as he thinks

Thanks anyway for the contribution. It was an eye opener to me

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 10

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 4:28:39 AM

sunshinemiss

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Aren't there websites that allow one to write only a certain number of private messages per month? I thought there were.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Crashdaddy47)

Post #: 11

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 4:34:36 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Crashdaddy47

Ha ha!

I actually quoted some of your replies to them, as they are very interesting and he has NO doubt even considered the 'other' perspective

His reply:
"tell your girls they're not thinking about it hard enough. Bayes theorem! They're mistaking the relative size of the spammers population for effectively eliminating assholes." and a load of mathematical theory!

You can see why I say he's an easy guy to argue with!! He's an arrogant guy sometimes. Smart, but not as smart as he thinks

Thanks anyway for the contribution. It was an eye opener to me

And he's thinking about it too hard. It doesn't really matter whether our decision making is mathematically sound. Nevertheless it will exclude him, if he uses that method.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Crashdaddy47)

Post #: 12

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 5:25:01 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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We get a lot of threads here from men complaining that women do not reply to their emails. I invariably answer that if they will post a sample first mail, I'd be happy to critique it. In 3.5 years, only two men have ever taken me up on this offer. I suspect from the way that most complainers write that their first mails are lacking.

Some of our regular male posters get much higher response rates. I can tell from how they write that they would craft a message worth responding to.

quote:

I would just like to know if any women out there would prefer a system to force men to send less messages out and put more effort in? No idea how this would work, obviously!!! But theoretically?

I vote for no changes for the following reasons:

1. We already have the spam filter.
2. When I was looking, I liked the lame first messages because that was an instant screening device - I'd rather catch his inability to write on his first message then several exchanges in.

Tell your brother that the shotgun approach might work if a man has no competition, but when women are bombarded with these lame messages, they soon learn to be quick with the Delete key.

(in reply to Crashdaddy47)

Post #: 13

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 5:50:05 AM

searching4mysir

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Joined: 6/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Crashdaddy47

Ha ha!

I actually quoted some of your replies to them, as they are very interesting and he has NO doubt even considered the 'other' perspective

His reply:
"tell your girls they're not thinking about it hard enough. Bayes theorem! They're mistaking the relative size of the spammers population for effectively eliminating assholes." and a load of mathematical theory!

You can see why I say he's an easy guy to argue with!! He's an arrogant guy sometimes. Smart, but not as smart as he thinks

Thanks anyway for the contribution. It was an eye opener to me

He is forgetting one more factor. Especially on kink sites like this, men outnumber the women by a fair amount. We can afford to be picky because there will always be another guy emailing us.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to Crashdaddy47)

Post #: 14

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 5:59:41 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I love wankweasel too blondie!! Great term for them.

Females learn very quickly that the block and delete functions are their friend. I used to not block -- and I realized I was getting many repeat message from the same person, spaced a few months apart.

This is a text only format, so those who can adequately articulate a message will receive many more replies than those who can't. Which is not something your brother appears to be taking into consideration. The playing field as it were is not equal for all men, since 90% of the men don't have the verbal skills or the socialization skills (take your pick) to write good messages.

People with these skills tend to find partners, so they are no longer in the pool of people sending 'first approach' messages.

Which means that pool of people is more heavily laden with those with poor communication and socialization skills who send the same lame message over and over only to have it get deleted. There are always, of course, a small number of new people coming into that pool, who may or may not have the skills to write a good message.

BTW: This looks like I think it's only men who have poor communication and socialization skills. I don't think that's true, but I do think men are far more likely than women to write that first approach message.

_____________________________

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 15

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 6:18:59 AM

Crashdaddy47

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Joined: 1/6/2014
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That's a very good point, ChatteParfaitt

Of course it does make one feel a bit sad that women regard twattish behaviour as a useful tool to alert them to twats

It would be nice to think these guys would actually learn from their mistakes. It paints a bit of a bleak but, I suppose, realistic view point of male behaviour

Sucks to be a guy :)

Have given up arguing with him, though, because not only is he convinced you are all mistaken, he has sent me the mathematical 'proof' (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confusion_of_the_inverse if you're interested)

He is your classic high intelligence, low wisdom case

A bit of a humourless know it all.

Anyway once again thanks for all the really interesting input. If I was 'in the market' all this would be VERY useful indeed!

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 16

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 6:21:46 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Aren't there websites that allow one to write only a certain number of private messages per month? I thought there were.

Alt.com used to limit messages from men to three per day unless you bought a paid membership, with women having unlimited messages. This resulted in fun things like men with multiple profiles, and men setting up female profiles. Now the accounts are so crippled as to be useless unless you pay for a membership (I believe. I haven't visited Alt for years).

If we buy into your brother's argument, then you see three problems with men's messages:

1. Too many per day.
2. Too little time spent on messages.
3. Low quality of sent messages.

The first one is trivial to fix. Limit messages per day. OR, as collarme does, put a moratorium on messages once there have been reports that the messages are spam.

The second isn't really a problem. I have spent less than a minute on messages to people I know, with no issues.

The third gets messy. What defines quality of a message?

The second and third are attempts to figure out what parameters matter in determining the desirability of messages, from the recipients' points of view.

And tell your brother from me, as a math kinda guy myself, that presenting inherently mathematical concepts so that they can be understood by nonmathematical people, is a very useful art form.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 17

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 6:23:47 AM

xxblushesxx

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www.extralunchmoney.com

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 18

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 6:33:31 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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Actually, I already thought up a solution to this problem, but needed a technical expert to help get the plan rolling. It involved requiring males to wear a SHOCK COLLAR in order to use the internet, and We on the other end would have a button (similar to the little Windows, or perhaps F8, etc)
that would give him a good FRYING if he offended. If someone on the computer tech side can help Me design this, I think it will be a big seller.

As for your brother's theory of males' bombarding strategies: I had a male friend once who happens to be quite the "player". I'm talking a different gal every week, and often sex the first night (I was actually keeping count out of scientific curiosity, it was that crazy). Anyway, he had one time confessed his strategy, "I learned it in salesmanship training: Ask 10 people to buy something. Nine say no, but one might say YES...and then you ask another ten, and so on. It's just a matter of asking as many people as possible...and I use this same strategy with women. Ask ten women out, nine might say no, but one says yes...then you move on and ask the next ten women, and so on..."

Incidentally, this guy is poor as dirt, still lives with his mom at age 40, has never had a full time job in his life. Yet using the above strategy he has more sex partners than the average man...however he also makes a lot of enemies that way and has screwed himself out of a lot of relationships (and professional contacts) that could have improved his life. He will die lonely and poor, so NO, I don't recommend this approach when trying to reach out to someone for a relationship. Eventually word gets around (boys, many of us Dommes are FRIENDS and we compare notes on you bozos) and you end up burning up what chances you could have had.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Crashdaddy47

I would just like to know if any women out there would prefer a system to force men to send less messages out and put more effort in? No idea how this would work, obviously!!! But theoretically?

Basically to shut him up, because I'm sure he's being very 'male' about it -which is ok I suppose, but he really is a guy that's easy to argue with!

< Message edited by MAINEiacMISTRESS -- 1/13/2014 6:36:27 AM >

(in reply to Crashdaddy47)

Post #: 19

RE: A female perspective? - 1/13/2014 6:34:40 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

And tell your brother from me, as a math kinda guy myself, that presenting inherently mathematical concepts so that they can be understood by nonmathematical people, is a very useful art form.

Might also mention that mathematics as a field of study falls short of explaining human preferences and attraction.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 20

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