How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him?

How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (Full Version)

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ThoughtBubble -> How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/13/2014 3:06:50 PM)
Right now, I'm in the most fulfilling relationship of my life - it's the first time I'm actually able to explore my submissiveness with someone who values it vs telling me to be more assertive, aggressive, etc. The thing is, I'm finding that I'm quite a bit more submissive than I'd originally thought. I can take a great deal of pleasure in having dinner ready, or doing his laundry, or cleaning around the house... I think he enjoys it too - like it's a continued manifestation of our d/s - but he often asks if I'm truly enjoying it. Part of me is embarrassed by how much I do - I mean, hello cliched gender roles! - but I feel a sense of contentment doing things to make him happy/make his day run smoother/etc. ie, it's never a hardship. But, I guess I'm just having trouble conveying this to him... Has anyone been in a situation like this? Or any advice on how I can convince him that none of what I do for him is a chore? Instead, it really makes me happy?

kalikshama -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/13/2014 4:21:48 PM)
A Dom may never understand why you enjoy this, nor does he need to, just that it does. There are lots of things about Doms I don't understand, but I'm glad we have them! Yay for his yang to my yin!

ExiledTyrant -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/13/2014 4:33:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThoughtBubble Right now, I'm in the most fulfilling relationship of my life - it's the first time I'm actually able to explore my submissiveness with someone who values it vs telling me to be more assertive, aggressive, etc. The thing is, I'm finding that I'm quite a bit more submissive than I'd originally thought. I can take a great deal of pleasure in having dinner ready, or doing his laundry, or cleaning around the house... I think he enjoys it too - like it's a continued manifestation of our d/s - but he often asks if I'm truly enjoying it. Part of me is embarrassed by how much I do - I mean, hello cliched gender roles! - but I feel a sense of contentment doing things to make him happy/make his day run smoother/etc. ie, it's never a hardship. But, I guess I'm just having trouble conveying this to him... Has anyone been in a situation like this? Or any advice on how I can convince him that none of what I do for him is a chore? Instead, it really makes me happy? Have him read the stuff in this quote box. Exiled

littlewonder -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/13/2014 5:46:59 PM)
You can't. He either accepts it or he doesn't. Maybe ask him why he thinks you might not be enjoying it. Are you giving off vibes possibly? Don't look happy?

DarkSteven -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/13/2014 7:19:54 PM)
Maybe over time, he'll begin to accept it.

DesFIP -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/13/2014 8:00:43 PM)
Just as this is the first relationship you've had where your partner values your submission, this is probably the first relationship he's had where someone truly is devoted to pleasing him. It's natural that you're both a little insecure and learning about yourself and each other. Just keep reassuring him. But don't do it in general terms. Be specific. If it's having him come in and say "wow, how awesome the place looks. Thank you" that sends you, then tell him so he knows that what is feeding you is him responding either verbally and/or physically. I imagine you wouldn't enjoy it as much if he didn't even notice.

Themaster1191 -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/14/2014 10:54:39 AM)
Just look him in the eyes and tell him the truth, with love and respect.

windchymes -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/14/2014 12:19:31 PM)
Smile more while you're doing it? [:)]

ResidentSadist -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/14/2014 12:38:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes Smile more while you're doing it? [:)] That was my answer. Let him see your joy.

MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/14/2014 4:22:02 PM)
~fr~ Maybe one way is to not wait for him to tell you to do something, but to ask. "Master, can I please do the laundry? Master, can I please do the dishes?" And if he asks about this odd desire say, "I'll do whatever you want me to, but this would make me happy." That's just off the cuff.

StrongSpirit -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/20/2014 10:39:53 AM)
You can also try ASKING him permission to do things for him. Can I please do you your laundry? May I make you dinner?

RC21 -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/20/2014 11:50:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThoughtBubble Right now, I'm in the most fulfilling relationship of my life - it's the first time I'm actually able to explore my submissiveness with someone who values it vs telling me to be more assertive, aggressive, etc. The thing is, I'm finding that I'm quite a bit more submissive than I'd originally thought. I can take a great deal of pleasure in having dinner ready, or doing his laundry, or cleaning around the house... I think he enjoys it too - like it's a continued manifestation of our d/s - but he often asks if I'm truly enjoying it. Part of me is embarrassed by how much I do - I mean, hello cliched gender roles! - but I feel a sense of contentment doing things to make him happy/make his day run smoother/etc. ie, it's never a hardship. But, I guess I'm just having trouble conveying this to him... Has anyone been in a situation like this? Or any advice on how I can convince him that none of what I do for him is a chore? Instead, it really makes me happy? I have been on the other side of this. The receiving end. Unfortunately I didn't understand it either. And it was not explained to me, while I really wanted, no needed to understand what she got out of it. I would say try to explain to him how it makes you feel, what you feel and think when yo do these things (a great sense of pleasure, I don't really consider a feeling).

MercTech -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/20/2014 3:29:44 PM)
Has your dominant ever had to deal with someone that plays the passive aggressive card? Have you ever run across someone that will over-do for another person? A person who does things neither wanted nor needed over and over and over? Then, throw out "Why won't you do "X" when I have done "Y", "Z", and "Q" for you?" Some submissive personalities will use this technique to manipulate a dominant they get into their life. And, if they don't get what they want, the techniques for manufacturing a crisis are infinite. It may not be you but a past experience that has your dominant reluctant to accept a lot of personal service.

ARIES83 -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/20/2014 3:57:10 PM)
Sounds like he's just checking to make sure your still happy... Nothing wrong with that, in moderation. If it becomes excessive it may start to be a turn off... So I'm thinking you want a way of reassuring him that all is well with your situation. Hmmm... If you are genuinely happy doing something, like getting dinner ready etc... Next time he prods you to see how your holding up, give those examples. I guess try to put his mind at ease... He could be thinking it's too good to be true, in which case congratulations to both of you! However, I think it's possible for feelings like that to fester and become full blown insecurities, if they aren't addressed. Someone up there said something along the lines of "try smiling more"... I don't really like that advice as I hear it quite a lot myself.. I can't smile for no reason and that's just the way it is... And honestly that's the way it should be! My face isn't a mask, and nor should yours be! Personally, if it was me... I'd want your face to perfectly reflect your feelings, that to me is a very attractive quality. Someone also said, it might be worth asking him what gives him the idea your not happy. That may be another good idea...

Kana -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/20/2014 5:43:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThoughtBubble Right now, I'm in the most fulfilling relationship of my life - it's the first time I'm actually able to explore my submissiveness with someone who values it vs telling me to be more assertive, aggressive, etc. The thing is, I'm finding that I'm quite a bit more submissive than I'd originally thought. I can take a great deal of pleasure in having dinner ready, or doing his laundry, or cleaning around the house... I think he enjoys it too - like it's a continued manifestation of our d/s - but he often asks if I'm truly enjoying it. Part of me is embarrassed by how much I do - I mean, hello cliched gender roles! - but I feel a sense of contentment doing things to make him happy/make his day run smoother/etc. ie, it's never a hardship. But, I guess I'm just having trouble conveying this to him... Has anyone been in a situation like this? Or any advice on how I can convince him that none of what I do for him is a chore? Instead, it really makes me happy? Is he fairly new? This sounds like one of those issues. Give it time. Let things roll...though you may want to mention from time to time how much doing the little things satisfies you, see how he adjusts. It's my bet he sees it and worries less about things...

DebTheBrunette -> RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things for him? (1/23/2014 10:25:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 Someone up there said something along the lines of "try smiling more"... I don't really like that advice as I hear it quite a lot myself.. I can't smile for no reason and that's just the way it is... And honestly that's the way it should be! My face isn't a mask, and nor should yours be! Yeah bit Stepford like ...innit x

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