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mtsilence -> RE: Master Vs Dom (11/21/2004 3:19:55 PM)
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[:)] THis discussion seems to pop up on every single BDSM chat or web site out there. It also raises its head more then once in a while in the Real Time BDSM communities and prompts at least a few groups to have open discussion about this very thing. What is the difference between a Dom and a Master? I most often say a Master is defined as such, by a group of his peers, based on his knowledge, skill, and application of his Mastery. This statement I am sure will be met with much argument and debate. Some saying there are no schools to "graduate from” so how does one gain Mastery? On the other hand, is it merely that if the submissive starts referring to their Dominant as their Master, makes it so? This posting does not have anything to do with what you choose to call a Dominant in your personal relationship.
I am writing this from my standing as a real time submissive, who has engaged in and enjoys BDSM activities; therefore, what I write is based solely on my personal observations and experience and NOT as some assumed expert on the subject. It is of my opinion, based upon my personal training received from several wonderful Dominants and Trainers, as well as my friends in this lifestyle and my study over the past seven years.
a) A Dominant is a person with a dominant trait in their personality.
b) A Master is a Dominant with substantial knowledge, has practiced real time Mastership which may or many not include BDSM experiences and they are recognized as a Master amongst their peers. These two areas clearly do not mean the same.
c) A Master does possess dominant personalities. However, it does not convey that all Dominant's have earned the title of being a Master. To clarify the topic of Dominant verses Master, we can review Webster’s II New dictionary, which defines some of the words we associate with this lifestyle and this posting.
Dominate verb 1. To influence, control or rule by superior power or authority. 2. To occupy the most powerful position in or over.
Dominant: adj. 1. Having the most control or influence.
Domineer: verb 1. To rule over arbitrarily or arrogantly: tyrannize. 2. To be bossy or overbearing.
Master: noun 1. One with control or authority over another or others. 2. Someone of great learning, skill or ability. 3. One who teaches or mentors.
As to the idea that there are no schools from which ‘Master’s’ can graduate from, please do not leak that out to the Leather Community who since the late 1930s has been using the strict and serious training process to ensure its members are fully versed in their protocols and ideals. Also, please do not tell that to the Gorean sub section of BDSM that has gone to great lengths to create trainers and training for their Masters and Kajirea. While more then a few Dominant’s hit the scene without any real training, the best find mentors and instructors, they gain access to knowledge not just from books, but also from real life people who have been there and done that (so to speak). There are also numerous workshops and retreats not just in the United States but also around the world offering information and training regarding techniques and styles and systems within BDSM. With all these, it is easy to see that yes indeed one can earn the title Master through effort. Moreover, the best do earn it much to their own amazement! I state this because I have witnessed over the years several members within the community who never styled themselves as Master or Mistress so and so, suddenly find members of the community referring to them as such. Primarily, because they had displayed their honor, dignity, skill and personal self-discipline in the BDSM community and in their BDSM relationships over the years in such a way that the community acknowledged their position within its ranks.
Additionally while many will snicker at those who title themselves Lord or Lady, before you jump on that wagon, do the courteous thing and ASK them why they chose that title. You may get more of an education then even you were prepared for! I have known several Lords who chose that title not as some pomp and circumstance silliness, but because of serious research and review of the Title Master and the ideals that when behind Mastery and self. A Lord is NOT a Master; however, he is in a position of extreme trust. He has responsibilities over people and property and if he is living true to a code of Honor and Chivalry (much forgotten in this modern age), he is bond by the ideal of ‘Nobles Obligese’ (Nobility Obliges) in which it is through noble and honorable actions one continues to hold and earn honor. You may sneer at these few as you please, but if they consistently show their value and honor, then rethink your view of the title. Just as you should rethink the view of the title for those self-proclaimed Mistresses and Masters who are anything but in their comportment when in public or on line in a chat room or posting on some message board.
With that side note out of the way, I will maintain that one does not become a Master, simply by tacking on the word "master" onto their name. Mastery of anything, takes time, study, dedication and practical application.
As a submissive, I can assure you I shall not be submit to anyone simply because they think they are a 'Master' because they are ‘domineering.’ I personally find a ‘domineering’ nature to be the reflection of a very self-centered personality and that it has nothing to do with the actual BDSM lifestyle.
Most in the BDSM lifestyle, be it online or in real life, will find at least once we have all come across the phrase ‘Safe, Sane and Consensual.’ With that in mind, no one should submit to somebody simply because they have told you they are a Master. If you are going to submit, remember that your life is at stake, those who are reckless, wild, and undisciplined in themselves can do you lasting harm. If your life is at stake, due to a medical condition or some health issue would you take yourself to a first month medicinal student, who has only read a few books and has no real experience? I would think that most of us would prefer to go to a doctor, somebody who is educated, trained, with practical experience in medicine and is also known amongst his peers, as being skilled and knowledgeable and capable in their practice of medicine.
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