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Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 10:52:11 AM   
Sirsswtsub


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/13/2014
Status: offline 		Hey, so I can not believe I am asking for help on this but I need it. I hope this is the correct spot to post this.

So here is my situation, I have been talking with Sir now since October. We met on CM and then began skyping and texting and talking almost daily. This past Tuesday we finally met up in person. I was a nervous wreak and acted like a complete idiot meeting up with him. I had to drive to a part of town I had never been too and it was just a mess. Now before any one judges me this next part I was given the option after we met for coffee and after the nightmare of a drive I decided I was not going to waste any time. We ended up in the back seat of my car with me giving him a blow job. ( Yes, I had friends in place to check on me and I was in contact with them a lot during our meeting, I felt safe though so do not worry)

Now it has been, not lying, over 7 years since I had given any one a blow job. Long story I don't feel like getting in to and being judged for. Any ways being that it was my first time in a long time and my first meeting with him I was well to say the least not the best at it. I did get him off twice but I could tell he was not really enjoying it. I did ask him for some feedback after I got home and he told me I should practice. I am sick to my stomach with the thought that I did not please him well enough and so now I am reaching out here for some tips and ideas on how I can give him a better blow job. What things can I work on to really really please him?

I am embarrassed to be even posting this but I so badly need assistance. If any one could give me some tips it would be great. You can also private message me about it as well.

Thanks

Sirswtsub
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 11:01:42 AM   
fluffyprincess


Posts: 64
Status: offline 		We're so alike...lol. Here's what I just learned...I moved way too fast, you moved way too fast.

I knew this guy for a month, only 1 month...and I handed out me calling him Sir before the time was right for it to be given to him. I handed out doing sexual stuff with him, before either of us got a chance to know each other, and if it would work out. While you do have a couple more months than I do in knowing your guy...do you know him?

I would say, buy yourself a dildo, and practice on it. The guy I was with said for me to practice as well...and he is right about that...but don't practice on somebody, practice on toys, get comfortable with doing it on a toy, and it would make it easier for you to get comfortable with doing it on a man.

(in reply to Sirsswtsub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 11:03:24 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		There's no one size fits all approach to any sex act. You will get better at blowing HIM, by blowing him. By listening to his breathing and moans and asking what he likes. And, importantly, by relaxing and not feeling like you're under pressure.

I know you've been talking for ages before meeting, and that builds up all sorts of expectations, but seriously, it's just sex. It takes lots of couples a few times to figure out what the other person likes so it's really good. It's not something you should be worrying yourself about this much. He liked it enough to let you do it twice, so it can't have been that bad, can it?

What should you work on? Your confidence. Confidence is sexy. Tell yourself that you have value beyond the quality of your first blow job.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Sirsswtsub)
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RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 11:06:31 AM   
Sirsswtsub


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/13/2014
Status: offline 		Thanks that its sorta true. Were in a unique situation so things a difficult for us to meet up a lot and no he did not mean practice on him or another man he suggested a banana or something else. I have been working with a toy but honestly I don't know what I am doing. When I was with him I did not feel like it was going that bad but the minute he left I knew it was all wrong.

(in reply to fluffyprincess)
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RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 11:11:50 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Of course the blowjob wasn't awesome - you have no idea what he likes and he hasn't told you what works for him. Everyone is different, and how are you supposed to know what he likes when he hasn't told you?

But you still managed to get him off twice - I say bloody well done!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Sirsswtsub)
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RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 11:27:09 AM   
Sirsswtsub


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/13/2014
Status: offline 		You know you guys are right, I do lack confidence in my self and my abilities. I always doubt my self but yeah I did get him off twice so I must have done something he enjoyed and it was our first time together so I shouldn't be so hard on my self. Its amazing how helpful other peoples opinions are. Why have I not posted here before? :-)

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 11:38:36 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		We welcome new posters with honest questions and open minds.

I think you'd do just fine round here

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Sirsswtsub)
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RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 12:06:20 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I have to ask, why on earth did you get in the back seat with this man? Is he married?

I have no problem with you jumping into a sex act with him, if that's what YOU wanted. I'm just not sure it is. I think you put out b/c you felt you had to. Let me ask you, how many times did *you* get off?

In my opinion you just told this man your worth, which is someone to go to for a blowjob, and someone with so little self respect he gets to humiliate you about how 'good' it was.

Practice indeed. How about practicing having some self confidence and self esteem?





_____________________________



(in reply to Sirsswtsub)
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RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 12:13:13 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I have to ask, why on earth did you get in the back seat with this man? Is he married?

I have no problem with you jumping into a sex act with him, if that's what YOU wanted. I'm just not sure it is. I think you put out b/c you felt you had to. Let me ask you, how many times did *you* get off?

In my opinion you just told this man your worth, which is someone to go to for a blowjob, and someone with so little self respect he gets to humiliate you about how 'good' it was.

Practice indeed. How about practicing having some self confidence and self esteem?






I have to agree with this. It was a tactical error. I also find it very telling that he doesn't want you to practice on him, but instead use a banana.

Just like women, every guy is different about what they like. Practicing on a banana won't help you to learn how to give HIM a better blowjob....and he's not willing to put in the time of effort to help you learn.

I think you're going to find that you're not going to have a relationship with this man beyond having a quickie.

CP is right. Take some time off and do some work on yourself. Come out strong and confident.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/16/2014 12:19:11 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
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RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 1:37:30 PM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		Why should you be judged? You wanted sexual contact with him, you got it - nothing wrong with that.

As regards blowjobs, why had it been 7 years? And that's probably going to be your answer as to why he said to practice.

Key thing is - you have to really enjoy it - if you enjoy it, he'll probably enjoy it.

Secondly, it takes time to learn what each new guy likes. But so long as you experiment and, once again, enjoy it, you'll be fine. Next time you go down on him, try different things, see what makes his cock harder. Some guys like it quite rough, some guys like it soft, some guys like it fast and pumpy, some guys like lots of licks. Just try different things and, if he starts to get harder and gasp a little, carry on and don't stop!

Have fun :-)

(in reply to Sirsswtsub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 1:42:37 PM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		It's up to him to guide you.
There should be no guess work involved.
If he can't communicate and show you what he wants are you supposed to read his mind?

Ps...
A man who takes you in the back seat for the first time....erm, red flag there...

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 1:55:09 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		If he came twice he DID enjoy it. Maybe his body language was odd because he was nervous about doing it in the back seat of your car.

I need more context about the whole "practice on a banana thing." Did he say, "Your technique needs work, practice on a banana" or did you express insecurity and he responded to this with the banana suggestion?

I had no problem putting out the first time I met a guy, but found that the majority of them would exclude me as relationship material if I did this, and so when I got back into relationship mode, I stopped putting out right away.

I also learned to meet really quickly, say within two weeks of initial contact, so as to not build up expectations and fantasies. Another rule that suited me well was to only consider local guys. If he's local and cannot meet within a few weeks, something's wrong.

Why did you guys wait so long?

(in reply to Sirsswtsub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 1:56:41 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		As others have said, you got him off twice, how bad could it have been? Most guys I have known, if they didn't think you did a good job the first time aren't going to go for a second the same night oor at the very least are going to give you some direction on what they would like better.

As long as YOU actually wanted sexual contact, I don't have an issue. However, I think that regardless of having skyped and texted for three months, you really don't know each other weel enough to call him"sir" or elevate him to that status.

Also, like chatte mentioned, what did YOU get out of it other than a likely sore jaw? You just actually met this guy for real, yet he already has made you feel bad and probably doesn't think he needs to impress you to want to continue at all. Practice on a toy or fruit, rather than practice together as a couple? Meh, I haven't been involved with anyone for about four years, so no BJ's for a little longer than that, but if some guy told me it wasn't any good (yet came twice) and suggested I practice by myself, I would likely suggest he take up yoga and gymnastics so he could become limber enough to suck his own dick. I know for sure he would never get the pleasure of MY lips going anywhere near his member.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 2:26:35 PM   
Sirsswtsub


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/13/2014
Status: offline 		Wow so many responses! Thanks for all the advice. Its a complicated situation but the reason we waited so long to meet was really all me. I wanted to wait. As for the back seat? well based on some of the feedback I have received I do no feel like being judged any more so I am just going to say its complicated and not get in to details. I think this is going to come down to communication with him about his needs and be being more secure with my self and my abilities.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 2:30:09 PM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsswtsub

Wow so many responses! Thanks for all the advice. Its a complicated situation but the reason we waited so long to meet was really all me. I wanted to wait. As for the back seat? well based on some of the feedback I have received I do no feel like being judged any more so I am just going to say its complicated and not get in to details. I think this is going to come down to communication with him about his needs and be being more secure with my self and my abilities.


Not judging you here. Simply stating that it's the kind if thing he should be showing more appreciation for, including the setting given to you, especially when you are nervous.

(in reply to Sirsswtsub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 2:41:58 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsswtsub

Wow so many responses! Thanks for all the advice. Its a complicated situation but the reason we waited so long to meet was really all me. I wanted to wait. As for the back seat? well based on some of the feedback I have received I do no feel like being judged any more so I am just going to say its complicated and not get in to details. I think this is going to come down to communication with him about his needs and be being more secure with my self and my abilities.

PLEASE don't feel we were or are judging you! I doubt there is even one of us that didn't think back to something we've done in the past that wasn't using OUR best judgment. Take all the responses for what they really are. A community of people reaching back to someone who reached out. The majority of those that posted here are pretty smart cookies and they cared enough to respond! You are worth a few minutes out of each of our day. :).

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to Sirsswtsub)
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RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 2:49:00 PM   
Sirsswtsub


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/13/2014
Status: offline 		I'm sorry if what I said come off as rude it was not my intention i really really do appreciate the feedback given. I just don't need to make is more complicated for my self by going any further in to details. I have read all of what every one has said and it has given me a lot to think about.

(in reply to Blonderfluff)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 2:54:17 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Is he worth all that you are giving?

Let's see... You are the one that drove a distance to an area you didn't know. You are the one, that had the car, you both got into. You were the one that was struggling with this first meet and what... did he do? Did he notice that you struggled? Did he apply himself like a caring dominant, to assure that you were comfortable because he wanted you suck him off? Did he put you first to ease you into things so that you would be comfortable in pleasing him?

It doesn't sound like it.

So we have an uncomfortable woman that wishes to please because damn... things just went sucky and he can't think of her and making sure you all get off to a good start... he degrades you and doesn't give you anything really to work with in assuring things go well and you are feeling secure in that you mean more to him than a backseat blow job?

He fails on all fronts. He needs to practice.

You on the other hand... may need to learn some self worth so that you can protect yourself from selfish men that claim to be dominant, when the only thing dominant about the man was... he had a cock.

Hugs... take care of you and make sure the man you wish to please... takes care of you as well and is worth all that you are willing to give.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 1/16/2014 2:57:27 PM >

(in reply to Blonderfluff)
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RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 3:00:35 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

The reason we waited so long to meet was really all me. I wanted to wait.


If you wouldn't have waited for a date with a vanilla guy, there's no need to wait for a date with a kinky guy.

Now, if this was your first date after becoming a widow or something, that's another matter and maybe littlewonder or other posters who have lost their husbands will weigh in.

(in reply to Sirsswtsub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Embarrassed but need help - 1/16/2014 3:03:19 PM   
Sirsswtsub


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/13/2014
Status: offline 		well actually had a I met a vanilla man on a dating site I would have waited as well, had nothing to do with the context of the relationship I just wanted to make sure I was ready it was my first time dating some one (hence the 7 years) so I wanted to make sure that he was worth my time. And I do feel like he was we do have plans to meet up again when our schedules both free up so I am optimistic things will work out.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 20
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