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Bdsm with kids? - 1/16/2014 8:49:11 PM

Lunabear1234

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Need help finding a way to have the kink with being a full time parent.. Keeper says it's to loud and we are keeping it vanilla.. Ideas? That are easy on the pocket book.. Thx

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/16/2014 9:23:01 PM

littlewonder

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babysitters

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/16/2014 9:41:42 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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Gags. They make it less noisy.

Also, make sure you lock the bedroom door.

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/16/2014 11:19:20 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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How old are the children? That will affect the answer.

Babysitters
Playing when they are at school/on playdates (this might mean changing your work schedule to be home)
Finding quieter play activities - skip the impact play
Gags/self control to stop crying out
Using layers of sound/going to the furthest point in the house

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/16/2014 11:36:42 PM

RavenKittenSub

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Chloroform, the chemical babysitter!

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/16/2014 11:51:57 PM

sexyred1

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 1:05:00 AM

LanceHughes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenKittenSub
Chloroform, the chemical babysitter!

Yeah, but alcohol is so much more readily available. LOL!

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 4:29:13 AM

Blueswordsman

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234

Need help finding a way to have the kink with being a full time parent.. Keeper says it's to loud and we are keeping it vanilla.. Ideas? That are easy on the pocket book.. Thx

I have 5 kids and had a 25+ year D/s bedroom relationship. The kids never knew shit.
You need rules.
1] Children are not permitted to enter mom & dad's bedroom without permission
2] Keep your bedroom locked. Tell your kids family records, mom's jewelry and valuables are hidden there
3] Have a locked box for you D/s accessories. preferably something that can't be opened or removed without ripping out the walls.
4] Only play when the kids are asleep.
5] Use the part of your bedroom that is furthest from you kids
6] Disguise your bedroom dungeon (hooks behind the mirror, in the high hats)
7] Beds do not need to squeak and vertical bed frames pose interesting possibilities
8] Every day household items have very dark potential. eg. collapsible pointer, hot sauce, pencils, etc.

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 5:10:16 AM

Greta75

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Probably need to know their age to give better suggestions.

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 6:32:58 AM

theshytype

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We have three.

They might hear a little. Even I heard my vanilla parents, being right next door. For that reason, I've always preferred homes where the Master bedroom didn't share walls with the other rooms.
I'm a pretty darn good lip biter when I need to be. Not waking the house up gives me good incentive. We wait until they're sleeping or not home.
We lock the door.
Hooks are hidden behind decorative pillows behind the bed.
Our bed doesn't make a sound and no headboard to knock against the wall.
Toys are on a top shelf in a box, where they can't reach, in our closet and they're not allowed in our closet.
Of course, there's always more happening on date night when they're not home but that makes date night even more special.

They've never questioned anything. Perhaps it helps that they see us play around and have fun (light wrestling, tickling) so noises and playing around isn't a completely strange idea to them.

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 6:46:29 AM

Blueswordsman

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Probably need to know their age to give better suggestions.

Three of our children were born after we explored D/s All five lived with us till college. Two still live with me. Not one kid ever had a clue.

In the earlier years we had D/s sessions 3 nights a week. Never during the day. We were never home alone. We laughed because our kids had parent radar. When one left the house another would come home. We had a mom & dad time rule. Our bedroom was our sanctuary. We watched TV every night in our room. The kids knew no to disterb us after nine unless it was a serious problem. We did have one advantage, our Master bedroom on the opposite side of the house. As clever D/s parents we were masters of sneaky kinky sex.

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 7:37:21 AM

windchymes

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Save the beating and screaming for when they're at grandma's for the weekend. Learn to be quiet, keep a pillow lightly on or near your face to bury it in if you can't control your vocals. When I had kids at home, high school age kids, I found having to be quiet and not make any sounds part of the fun.

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 7:38:50 AM

Greta75

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I guess any couple into D/S has to plan alot of things in advance way before they decide to have kids. I mean, the moment they choose to live together, they already got to kid's proof their house. Sound proof bedroom if possible! A multi storey house, so that kid's bedroom is as far away as possible from parent's bedroom etc. Or, well find a house layout where rooms are far away from each other.

I did see online once, a couple was blogging about their bdsm life and they had 3 kids. The mom even wears a choker type collar, that she claims her kids never suspected it was a collar collar. On top of that, they travel often to attend munches across the country. They had like an entire dungeon in their house but it was unclear how they manage to keep their kids ignorant. I guess it must be some kind of "spy house" with secret compartments.

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 9:28:05 AM

DesFIP

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Trade sleepovers once a month with a friend who has kids the same age.
Turn on the tv and/or the stereo.
Gags for the screaming.
But some stuff just is distinctive. Like spanking. That we do when nobody's home.

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 9:49:07 AM

freedomdwarf1

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FR~

It seems everyone on here wants to hide it away from the kids.
Just like putting stuff up and out of reach for when a 2yo is stumbling around.

We never did anything of the sort and never hid anything from the kids.
As they grow up they learn when it's 'parent time' and also not to poke their nose in.
In many respects, it's like kids growing up in a war zone. Whilst us as parents tend to get very protective because of the environment, the kids soon learn what to do and what not to do and often assimilate better than us adults give them credit for.

As long as the kids know that anything they happen to see or witness is purely adult fun and not abuse, they'll grow up with it and with a much more open and accepting/understanding mind than being molly-coddled and hidden away from them.
Obviously, you have to use a bit of common sense!
You don't have a full-on spanking session or a mini-orgy when the kids are running around at tea time!
And yes, there has to be some house rules (like parents' bedroom is a no-go area).

Nope, I think hiding stuff away from kids is actually doing them a disservice in the long run.

ETA: Taking this approach is A) better for the kids IMHO; B) doesn't cost one red cent!

< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 1/17/2014 9:50:17 AM >

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 5:29:13 PM

DesFIP

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For those of us who are single parents, engaging in impact play would cause our children to view the new partner as abusive. They might well call the police on our behalf.
Even if they did not, it would prevent the step parent from bonding with the child.

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 7:37:48 PM

LafayetteLady

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So fredomdwarf, I guess you think its perfectly ok to have sex in front of your kids as well? Face it, there are activities that are private and shouldn't be done in front of children. Do you shit with the door open, or do you tell the children that going to the bathroom is private and they also have the right to keep the bathroom activities private?

Plus, I'm tired of hearing how when you are open with your children about your intimate relationship activities, they are less inhibited. Children under 12 aren't great at secrets, so when you tell them that mommy crawling around on all fours is just fun, they see no reason not to share that information with their friends. If you tell them its all in fun but it is a private family matter they shouldn't tell anyone else, then you aren't encouraging them to be open, but rather telling them you are doing something others shouldn't know about.

While kink activities may make more noise than vanilla sex, neither is something to share with a child. Answering questions appropriate for their age, explaining that grown ups do things that are for grown ups only is a much more appropriate way to parent. Of course, making rules that mommy and daddy's bedroom is their private space is a good idea as well.

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 9:01:19 PM

ResidentSadist

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/17/2014 9:56:29 PM

Lunabear1234

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The kids range from 12-18 and we do not expose them to anything but a healthy happy home with honest answers given when asked. Bdsm play is kept private with the occasional swat on the butt (playfully) but we are having a hard time finding an outlet for impact play. Hence the op ;)
I can keep quiet but the sound of the impact cannot be muffled (booo) so we struggle.
Hope this help...

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RE: Bdsm with kids? - 1/18/2014 3:23:16 AM

MariaB

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I think its much tougher to hide with older kids. A domme friend of mine recently arranged a BDSM party and because she has three boys aged between 14 and 18 she made arrangements that they would go to their dads that night. The party was just starting to warm up when the 18 year old let himself in. What could she do?!? and so we all had a very vanilla party

.

I suggest you get yourself out to a BDSM club and leave the 18 year old at home babysitting. You could also look up dungeons for hire in your area or try and find like minded friends.

My sons were always protected from our kink, though I don't think we successfully hid everything! Children really don't want to know their parents sexual preference. My school girl best friends parents were swingers and she hated knowing that. None of us ever wanted to do sleep overs at her house because we thought her parents might come on to us!!

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