Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Under consideration


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Under consideration Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Under consideration - 1/18/2014 12:52:30 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		When I used it, it was shorthand to say I was talking seriously to someone and therefore wasn't going to talk to or meet someone else yet. Because I'm not good at juggling multiple relationships. Even multiple potential relationships.

He didn't use it for the same reason he didn't link me on his profile. Because as a guy nobody ever wrote him out of the blue anyway. Since guys don't get the deluge of email that females do, they don't need to look for any possible thing to slow it up.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 1/18/2014 12:53:08 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Domnotlooking)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Under consideration - 1/18/2014 1:43:20 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

What's the issue?

Vanillas use the term "engaged" for the exact same thing. It means that both parties are exploring a commitment.


You're thinking of being "pre-engaged" where you get a "promise ring", where you get to be giddy with excitement with a blingy on your finger, but aren't SURE you're going to get married. It usually happens after you've "gone steady" and wear a class ring wrapped in fuzzy yarn to fit your finger. Or, if you were in a fraternity or sorority, somewhere after in the middle of "lavalliere'd" and "pinned".

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Under consideration - 1/18/2014 5:43:00 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

You're thinking of being "pre-engaged" where you get a "promise ring", where you get to be giddy with excitement with a blingy on your finger, but aren't SURE you're going to get married. It usually happens after you've "gone steady" and wear a class ring wrapped in fuzzy yarn to fit your finger. Or, if you were in a fraternity or sorority, somewhere after in the middle of "lavalliere'd" and "pinned".

Going steady or still determining whether you want to go steady probably describes it best. I don't do a collar of consideration because when I do decide to collar, there's nothing tentative about it from my point of view. I can see where a Dom wouldn't want other Doms hitting on (no pun intended) his prospective girl and wanting her to wear such a collar while they're at a BDSM venue as a way of signaling "hands off." I don't find this to be an issue with a male sub. I wouldn't take a prospective sub out for public play in the first place.

Now, this doesn't mean my collared sub doesn't have to pass a probationary period of say three months. (Yes, that should work both ways, theoretically.) This would more accurately be the "going steady" phase from my F/m perspective.

Since I tend to be rather old-fashioned in many respects when it comes to dating, and believe that women in general should play harder to get in order to best protect their interests (which I had to learn the hard way, not being sensible enough when I was younger to take my mother's sage advice), I would advocate that a female submissive not allow the Dom (who is not as of yet officially her Master) she has under her consideration take liberties with her until she has been officially collared. If she permits it, then she should make sure she gets hers in the process and that their encounters don't become one-sided.

(This means no gratuitous bjs in the backseat of a car unless that's what she customarily did while out on her vanilla dates. Not recommended if she wants to be taken seriously as steady girlfriend material instead of a mere booty call.)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Under consideration - 1/18/2014 6:20:35 PM   
youthinkso121


Posts: 73
Joined: 10/18/2013
Status: offline 		under consideration and engagement have no similarities. under consideration, normally means im interested, will keep chatting to others and we might meet at some point.

Or do you get engaged to someone you haven't met???

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Under consideration - 1/19/2014 8:01:44 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

This means no gratuitous bjs in the backseat of a car unless that's what she customarily did while out on her vanilla dates. Not recommended if she wants to be taken seriously as steady girlfriend material instead of a mere booty call.




(My agreement should not be taken as an indication that I am sex-negative, but rather that I am acknowledging the reality that most men won't treat a women as steady girlfriend material if she acts like a fuck buddy. So, whether she wants a LTR with a vanilla or kinky man, she should act like a girlfriend, not a booty call.)

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Under consideration - 1/19/2014 8:51:20 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


Now, this doesn't mean my collared sub doesn't have to pass a probationary period of say three months. (Yes, that should work both ways, theoretically.) This would more accurately be the "going steady" phase from my F/m perspective.


(This means no gratuitous bjs in the backseat of a car unless that's what she customarily did while out on her vanilla dates. Not recommended if she wants to be taken seriously as steady girlfriend material instead of a mere booty call.)



I'm now envisioning you sitting down at your desk at the end of three months giving him a written performance review.

And as I recall we were all over each other in the car on that first date. We've been together now for over ten years. Being on the same page sexually was important for us to know.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Under consideration - 1/19/2014 9:01:07 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

This means no gratuitous bjs in the backseat of a car unless that's what she customarily did while out on her vanilla dates. Not recommended if she wants to be taken seriously as steady girlfriend material instead of a mere booty call.




(My agreement should not be taken as an indication that I am sex-negative, but rather that I am acknowledging the reality that most men won't treat a women as steady girlfriend material if she acts like a fuck buddy. So, whether she wants a LTR with a vanilla or kinky man, she should act like a girlfriend, not a booty call.)


Amen! Sex may get him in the trap for awhile, but he ain't gonna take you home to Momma.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 1/19/2014 9:02:14 AM >

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Under consideration - 1/19/2014 10:30:12 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

we were all over each other in the car on that first date. We've been together now for over ten years. Being on the same page sexually was important for us to know.


And I was married for 18 years to a man I fucked eight times the night he walked by my dorm room door and I invited him in to help me change a light bulb.

That doesn't change the reality that for most men, me putting out in the absence of courtship would have excluded me as marriage material.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Under consideration - 1/19/2014 11:07:44 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

This means no gratuitous bjs in the backseat of a car unless that's what she customarily did while out on her vanilla dates. Not recommended if she wants to be taken seriously as steady girlfriend material instead of a mere booty call.




(My agreement should not be taken as an indication that I am sex-negative, but rather that I am acknowledging the reality that most men won't treat a women as steady girlfriend material if she acts like a fuck buddy. So, whether she wants a LTR with a vanilla or kinky man, she should act like a girlfriend, not a booty call.)


Amen! Sex may get him in the trap for awhile, but he ain't gonna take you home to Momma.



Yup. Gotta agree with this. Any man I ever fucked on the first date only saw me as one thing....a one night fling, a whore or a fuck buddy. They were definitely not going to take me home to meet momma. When I met Master, no matter how much I wanted him to fuck me the night we met, he held off. I was actually very glad he did and I saw him as someone entirely different after that night. He wasn't just the hot guy who I wanted to fuck that night. He became a man I could respect and who understood courtship.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Under consideration - 1/19/2014 2:33:58 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I hate those things!
What is it,...like an engagement announcement in the newspaper or something?

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Under consideration - 1/19/2014 2:38:01 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
That doesn't change the reality that for most men, me putting out in the absence of courtship would have excluded me as marriage material.


The difference here is that I am not now, and haven't been since my sophomore year in college interested in 'most men'. Just the ones that are right for me.

And that I've always had damned good people picking skills. So I could move at whatever speed mattered to me, because of that.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Under consideration - 1/19/2014 3:09:01 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		FR:

What many appear to be missing out on is that under consideration is something the d-type does to the s-type. It's not mutual. It's a way to get her to stop talking to other men while he plays the field and doesn't have to commit. I've seen this time and time again online, which is why I don't like the usage.

Of course both should be mutually under consideration -- and this is yet another way for doms to convince the clueless newbie it's okay for him to have his cake and eat it too.



_____________________________



(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Under consideration - 1/19/2014 3:54:11 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Now, this doesn't mean my collared sub doesn't have to pass a probationary period of say three months. (Yes, that should work both ways, theoretically.) This would more accurately be the "going steady" phase from my F/m perspective.

(This means no gratuitous bjs in the backseat of a car unless that's what she customarily did while out on her vanilla dates. Not recommended if she wants to be taken seriously as steady girlfriend material instead of a mere booty call.)


I'm now envisioning you sitting down at your desk at the end of three months giving him a written performance review.

And as I recall we were all over each other in the car on that first date. We've been together now for over ten years. Being on the same page sexually was important for us to know.

How did you know this?

No, I don't mentally ABC grade him either -- it's more like Pass or Fail , Mediocre/needs improvement , et al. Every once in a while you get lucky and he's an Outstanding! But, that's rare indeed.
You did give me an idea, DesFIP, about putting up a chart to paste shiny little metallic-colored stars (or smileys).... Nice visual progress reference guide....

Listen all, I'm not against getting swept away in the throes of passion, but there has to be an unequivocal level of trust and respect that has been established somehow already in place. This does have to do in large part with being astute in one's people[partner]-picking skills. I'm sure your man (and kalikshama's man) wasn't one-sided with you either, and if he had been the sort of guy who wasn't about pleasuring you as much as you were with him, he would and should have been dead in the water-- like a dead, bloated stinking white-bellied fish, putrid and rotten to the core.

Any man who exhibits slutty behavior or calls himself an ass slut or whatever is a big turn-off for me. I'm the only one who gets to say that to him in private on rare occasion. I don't even want him to consider himself my slut, but that's just me. Kind of sounds like fingernails scraping across the chalkboard (messing up my progress chart ).

In fact, if a male submissive I've just met in person wants me to collar him on the spot and start an orgasm control regimen before I could care less about the state of his dick, as one did a couple months ago, this can put me off. Not so much his over-eagerness to be Insta-Dommed (most of them are like that anyway), but mainly due to how pushy he was. I don't like pushy people, especially pushy males.

(Edited for clarity)

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 1/19/2014 4:18:41 PM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Under consideration - 1/19/2014 8:14:47 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

The whole "under consideration" thing has always baked my noodle. Is "under consideration" used to give a D time to think of more hoops for the /s to jump through, or is it a way to sequester an /s until the D figures out they can't do any better?

Why isn't the D "under consideration"? The /s has much more options than the D.

Maybe the D should be "under contemplation" instead.

Any thoughts?

Exiled


Why would you bake your noodle?

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Under consideration - 1/19/2014 9:02:50 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I'm a sub, and I do use "under consideration" for D's

I mean, there are many words for it. Everybody has to go through a trial period to ascertain compatibility and chemistry right?

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Under consideration - 1/20/2014 2:17:35 AM   
IvoryPearls


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/7/2013
Status: offline 		Thanks for asking this question - and thanks to everyone for the answers.

I had been pursued - and I mean pursued - by a Dom:

A. whose wife/sub left him this past August
B. whose divorce hasn't even really been initiated yet
C. who was convinced I was the one
D. who lives 1200 miles from me

I liked him very much; he's handsome, educated and we share a number of common interests. But he leaned so heavily on me. I can't even begin to describe it. I kept telling him he was pushing too hard and I was not comfortable with it at all. One night, I happened to leave chat just as he came in and he sent me an excoriating email and stopped speaking to me. This was approximately January 9th of this year.

I saw yesterday on FetLife that he's taken someone "under consideration". I honestly didn't know what that meant, but learning this makes everything very, very clear. Not only was he not being honest with me about how he felt about me, he was probably giving her the same rush he was giving me. She, apparently, was more comfortable with it than I.

IP~

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 36
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Under consideration Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109