Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (Full Version)

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playfulsub213 -> Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/17/2014 8:34:16 PM)

Hi there A/all. I have a weird question that may stimulate some sort of discussion. My question is, if you were on another site other than a bdsm site and you were looking for a LTR with a Domme/sub, would you tailor the profile to attract the right type of person? By that I mean, I am a big believer in the Law of Attraction principle. Is there a way to tailor the profile on a vanilla dating site that you would try to attract what you are looking for without really mentioning BDSM activities but at the same time hint that in my case that I am submissive?

I know strange question but thought I would find out your opinion on it anyways. Thank you all for your positive comments on me introducing myself and on my profile. [:D]



TNDommeK -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/17/2014 8:41:08 PM)

Im on several other sites, and all mention my lifestyle.



FriendlyMuppet -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/17/2014 10:07:15 PM)

I've posted on other sites and tend to mention that I'm a submissive, or at least that I'm mostly submissive in relationships, without going into detail. I've had a few women contact me, inquiring further, and for the most part the responses have been mostly positive. I figure it probably also keeps other women from contacting me who aren't interested in such things, and I've always felt that is probably for the best, as my submissive nature is very much a part of my natural disposition.



playfulsub213 -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/17/2014 10:24:02 PM)

Thanks for your replies!



DarkSteven -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/17/2014 11:25:16 PM)

My OKC profile says simply that I like to take charge in bed.



FieryOpal -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/18/2014 3:57:25 AM)

On Match my header originally read: Seeking More Than a Vanilla LTR

Then within my profile text I did specify that I am "feminine-assertive" and want a masculine-acting, romantic gentleman who knows how to be submissive and how to treat a lady with the proper degree of respect.

After getting repeatedly messaged by clueless, horny dudes and out-of-state 50 Shades wannabe Doms saying they were coming to my area soon to visit and that we should hook up (to which I replied, "WTF?"), I changed my header to: Dominant Woman Seeks Submissive Man for LTR. Problem solved.

Somewhere in your profile, you should spell out "submissive" or "sub" for those doing a search for those key words.



GoddessManko -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/18/2014 4:35:42 AM)

DEFINITELY use as many lifestyle familiar keywords as possible, do not beat around the bush, you're better off being explicitly clear with NO pictures (if worried about discretion), than vague with an arsenal of attractive photos. Most guys who are submissive at heart will care more about you being a Domme[sm=ballchain.gif] than the photos, there are lifestyle guys on vanilla sites (probably due to frustration seeking on lifestyle sites), and they will keyword search and reach out if they can find you. :)
[sm=ballchain.gif][sm=ballchain.gif][sm=domme.gif][sm=domme.gif][sm=domme.gif]



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/18/2014 4:41:18 AM)

fast reply

Not that I'm looking, but I would just come right out and say it. Better chance of getting what you want if you're up front about it.

In my case I'd probably just let people know that I'm kinky and looking for someone adventurous and take-charge in the sack (perhaps a joke about spanking?) since I don't require power exchange out of the bedroom to be satisfied.



kalikshama -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/18/2014 6:08:15 AM)

quote:

if you were on another site other than a bdsm site and you were looking for a LTR with a Domme/sub, would you tailor the profile to attract the right type of person?


Absolutely - I met the Dom of my Dreams on OKCupid. I was completely out as kinky but I would advise a sub male to be more circumspect in his profile.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/19/2014 12:01:16 AM)

Most advice you have been given says to just come out and say you are kinky but, unless I am reading it wrong, you asked how you can tell people you are kinky without actually using kink terms. Yes, there are ways to tell a lady you are sub without saying sub/submissive/bottom/ etc. You could call yourself a people pleaser. Say that you are an old fashioned romantic. Say that you get your greatest joy from making the woman in your life happy. Say that you were raised to believe that women should be "in charge" Or that you have always found yourself to be a passive person and are very attracted to women that are a little more aggressive. Good luck.



FieryOpal -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/19/2014 12:53:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Most advice you have been given says to just come out and say you are kinky but, unless I am reading it wrong, you asked how you can tell people you are kinky without actually using kink terms. Yes, there are ways to tell a lady you are sub without saying sub/submissive/bottom/ etc. You could call yourself a people pleaser. Say that you are an old fashioned romantic. Say that you get your greatest joy from making the woman in your life happy. Say that you were raised to believe that women should be "in charge" Or that you have always found yourself to be a passive person and are very attracted to women that are a little more aggressive. Good luck.

Other buzz-word phrases:

Any variation of wanting to "treat you like a queen"

"I believe in chivalry and have a romantic heart, mind and soul to give."

"That special woman in my life is/becomes my world and my everything."

Anything having to do with "wanting to belong" completely to another

Actual quotes from vanilla dating sites (to give some idea, not for using verbatim):

"I love giving pleasure and seeing the response of my lover. That is where I get the majority of sexual satisfaction from. I'm not out to make love to myself or for myself, to me it's all about my lover."

"I love giving oral. I can't help it, I love to see the response of my lover as I'm giving her pleasure."

"I'm willing to explore almost anything that [she] wants that will strengthen our bonds."



StrongSpirit -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/19/2014 11:35:37 AM)

I have met a wonderful submissive woman on OK Cupid, who I am dating [:D]

OKC has the advantage of letting people answers questions that reveal:
1) Your kinkiness level
2) Your Dominance level.

You do NOT have to tailor your profile, particularly if you honestly answer OKC's questions and it correctly displays your kinkiness and dominance/submission on their handy meters. I do suggest at least hinting at your proclivities. (see Fiery Opal's buzzwords for examples).


That said, it depends a lot on how into the lifestyle you are. If you are full on active, have a gimp suit proudly displayed in you living room, have BDSM pictures proudly displayed all over the place, work/own a sex shop, and spend all your time at clubs/conventions, then you should talk a lot more about it then if you are on the down-low, so to speak.




AlphaFemsRule -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/19/2014 11:40:11 AM)

Here's what's worked for me: be honest without being explicit. The profile I have here is pretty similar to the one I've used elsewhere, except on other sites I've removed the frank references to sexuality, fantasies, etc.




playfulsub213 -> RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites (1/19/2014 11:59:34 AM)

Thanks everyone for your wonderful answers! It has generated some really good discussion thank you.



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