How NOT TO approach a Domme (or any sane person)

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How NOT TO approach a Domme (or any sane person) - 1/22/2014 8:48:25 AM

MissessMia

Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2013
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Community Service Reminder (Real IDs have been removed to protect the guilty)

I have no doubt this topic has come up before but these are the kinds of socially inept buffoons that most of us deal with regularly. This is by far not the worst example but it is the most recent.

The following is an example of how NOT to approach anyone.

1.) Don't ask for information they probably don't want you to have the first day you correspond with them.
2.) Don't approach them with weirdly phrased conversations that you think makes you sound more slavish. It doesn't. You sound insane. Be a real person and be respectful. That is all I want when getting to know a stranger through social media. I want to believe you are sane and safe to possibly progress further with. If you sound loopy, we're done here.
3.) Don't fly off the handle because you are not at the top of the To Do list. Seriously, especially as a submissive, making demands reveals your true self. Letting you sit and stew awaiting a response is a great way to weed out the emotionally and socially challenged.

To the idiot in question:

Unfortunately instead of accepting that your approach is completely whacked, you would rather live in denial and believe EVERYONE else is a fake.

Stay out of my inbox.

SINCERELY,
Mia

< Message edited by MissessMia -- 1/22/2014 8:53:04 AM >

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RE: How NOT TO approach a Domme (or any sane person) - 1/22/2014 12:20:43 PM

Ilyrium

Posts: 189
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Whew! I hope that wasn't me!

:)

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RE: How NOT TO approach a Domme (or any sane person) - 1/22/2014 3:12:15 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia

3.) Don't fly off the handle because you are not at the top of the To Do list. Seriously, especially as a submissive, making demands reveals your true self. Letting you sit and stew awaiting a response is a great way to weed out the emotionally and socially challenged.

I disagree. Just because someone is submissive doesn't mean that they're submissive to you. Until a power dynamic has been agreed upon expecting someone to behave submissively towards you is out of line on your part. They are not in a power dynamic with you and are free to make all the demands they want. That doesn't mean that you have to give into those demands and I think making demands of a stranger is tacky....but it doesn't mean that they're not a submissive. If someone put that attitude towards me, I'd have the opinion that you didn't understand boundaries. Which means you might wish to rethink throwing the "emotionally and socially challenged" stones about.

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RE: How NOT TO approach a Domme (or any sane person) - 1/22/2014 4:06:44 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia
Letting you sit and stew awaiting a response

Maybe you were pissed off when you wrote this, but, honestly, it sounds really high school. If you're excited to write someone back, why not do it? And if you're not too interested, why write them back at all?

Life is hard enough without playing relationship games.

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RE: How NOT TO approach a Domme (or any sane person) - 1/22/2014 4:45:43 PM

igor2003

Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia

Letting you sit and stew awaiting a response is a great way to weed out the emotionally and socially challenged.

That might work for you, but I personally think you might be missing out on some very good connections by waiting. For me, if I write to someone that I'm interested in, no matter what kind of relationship I might be looking for, if they don't write back in a relatively short and reasonable period of time I'll assume they aren't interested, I'll move on, and what may or may not have been will never be realized. Emotions and social ability has nothing to do with it. Ya snooze, ya lose.

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RE: How NOT TO approach a Domme (or any sane person) - 1/22/2014 7:05:11 PM

LookieNoNookie

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Those appear to be two distinctly separate, and in many cases, quite divergent questions.

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RE: How NOT TO approach a Domme (or any sane person) - 1/23/2014 4:51:57 PM

nowhereforgood

Posts: 17
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Points 1 and 2 are true enough, but I have to agree with OsideGirl, RedMagic1 and igor2003 on point 3.

Isn't it a bit in contrast with point 2, where you say that one should approach you normally, without any slavish tones?

I still don't have any experiences in the lifestyle, but as a person with switch tendencies, I at least can assure you I wouldn't submit to anyone willing to introduce me.
I'm satisfied with my life and my achievements, I have high confidence and self-esteem. I will never approach someone in a slavish attitude to search for a domme, because I don't desire just serving someone. Master and slave are roles, not permanent states of mind which fully characterize people: I don't play any of them on a regular basis, and certainly not with random strangers. I need to build trust and respect first. If I come to think you don't respect me, it's over. If, for whatever reason, I start to think you do not deserve my respect, it's over. If, even with my trust and respect, I think you aren't a good match for my gift, you will remain just a friend in my mind and not my mistress.
That said, if my first impression of you is that you don't care to answer my message in a reasonable time, I will assume you're not interested enough to deserve my friendship, let alone my submission.

< Message edited by nowhereforgood -- 1/23/2014 4:52:36 PM >

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RE: How NOT TO approach a Domme (or any sane person) - 1/23/2014 5:10:23 PM

fluffyprincess

Posts: 64
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I love #1...I've got a few crazies on here, asking me to give them my SSN as well as pretty much everything else I could give them about myself. lol.

Oh yeah, people totally hand out their SSN to strangers. It's a common thing.

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RE: How NOT TO approach a Domme (or any sane person) - 1/23/2014 5:25:51 PM

nowhereforgood

Posts: 17
Joined: 1/3/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyprincess

I love #1...I've got a few crazies on here, asking me to give them my SSN as well as pretty much everything else I could give them about myself. lol.

Oh yeah, people totally hand out their SSN to strangers. It's a common thing.

Now THAT's creepy!

(in reply to fluffyprincess)

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RE: How NOT TO approach a Domme (or any sane person) - 1/24/2014 5:30:36 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia

Community Service Reminder (Real IDs have been removed to protect the guilty)

I have no doubt this topic has come up before but these are the kinds of socially inept buffoons that most of us deal with regularly. This is by far not the worst example but it is the most recent.

The following is an example of how NOT to approach anyone.

1.) Don't ask for information they probably don't want you to have the first day you correspond with them.
2.) Don't approach them with weirdly phrased conversations that you think makes you sound more slavish. It doesn't. You sound insane. Be a real person and be respectful. That is all I want when getting to know a stranger through social media. I want to believe you are sane and safe to possibly progress further with. If you sound loopy, we're done here.
3.) Don't fly off the handle because you are not at the top of the To Do list. Seriously, especially as a submissive, making demands reveals your true self. Letting you sit and stew awaiting a response is a great way to weed out the emotionally and socially challenged.

To the idiot in question:

Unfortunately instead of accepting that your approach is completely whacked, you would rather live in denial and believe EVERYONE else is a fake.

Stay out of my inbox.

SINCERELY,
Mia