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njlauren -> RE: New Mistress seeks lessons from Masters (1/25/2014 7:41:58 AM)
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There are plenty of books out there as others posted and they are great resources. The key to this is consensuality, and even though he says he wants you to humiliate him,cuckold him and so forth, keep in mind that at this point, it is all fantasy to him, and as so many others have pointed out, the reality can be quite different. To be honest, it is quite easy to get lost on both sides of this, the sub who "wants to be done' the way he/she wants, or the dominant who gets so caught up in the role they forget about the sub's feelings and emotions. Yeah, I know, it goes against the image of the dominant in total control, the cruel dominant getting their way, the sub with no rights/a slave, but while there are relationships like that, it is because the sub/slave and dominant both want that.
On a board scale, the questions are easy, the devil is in the details to me:
1)Is this bedroom only or is it lifestyle? If lifestyle, how much do you control with him? If you cuckold him, is that something that happens in the bedroom, or is it something where you date other guys/gals, is the sex with the other person always with hubby watching?
2)To what level do you take things? With humiliation, I have met few subs IRL who are into total humiliation (the ones who say they are, generally are online types, who think they are IMO..). I assume you are a married couple in love, and humiliation quite honestly in my opinion is something that can easily make the love go. You husband might fantasize about humiliation, about being cruelly humiliated, but when the reality hits, it may not be so good for him...likewise, you can get into it, enjoy doing it, and go over the top, and believe me, it cause train wrecks because you could be loving it, and he is hurt and seething.....
This kind of thing is especially true of cuckolding, which from reading and also from a few cases where I knew couples into this, it can grow from something that turns both people on into something that destroys the marriage. One of the more common things is that domme not only enjoys it, but also ends up losing respect for her husband in the bargain, it can get ugly as hell, saw a couple of bitter divorces over it (interestingly, in one case, the wife after the divorce finally realized what had happened, they ended up married again, after a lot of counseling, other one husband and wife hate each other to this day). It is why safewords are so important, and keeping each other in mind. I say that, because the sub can be just as guilty, he can get caught in the fantasy of it, push you harder and harder to do what he wants, and it can be to the point that he pushes you and either you say 'whoa,he is topping from the bottom' or he pushes you, than resents you for doing it, or you get to the point where i noted before, you could lose respect for him.
It doesn't mean not do it, it just means that you and he both have to read each other and understand that there is a loving relationship (I hope) underneath this and what you are doing could shoot that to hell. It is why another poster told you to wait with the cuckolding thing (it can make great fantasy conversation, like if you have your sub tied up, tease him with what you are going to do, find a guy with a big dick, take him home...you get the drift...), or with humiliation stuff, because as much as your H might think he wants to do it, it is very possible it goes from being part of the game, either in his mind or in what you are doing, to being 'real', and that hurts.
I wish you well, the biggest piece of the advice I have is keep in mind that the D/s, while "real", is a layer on what I hope is a loving relationship, and sub and domme have to keep in mind that this is the person they love and that the relationship whatever form it takes is supposed to be about both keeping the others needs and desires in mind at all times, and being careful of not hurting them.
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