RE: new master seaking lessons

RE: new master seaking lessons (Full Version)

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ivone57 -> RE: new master seaking lessons (4/29/2014 12:13:39 PM)
just one question, how can you call yourself a Master if you dont know anything.... just saying your a Master does not make you one....

LordHeimdall -> RE: new master seaking lessons (4/29/2014 2:34:58 PM)
The same way a new pet owner can call themself a pet owner or a new parent can call themself a parent. It does not mean I know everything about being a Dom/Master, anymore than new parents/pet owners know how to be those things. There are good and bad. The key to anything is having the self discipline and willingness to learn to become better. Why do you think I'm here?

Bhruic -> RE: new master seaking lessons (5/4/2014 8:28:10 AM)
It depends on what you are looking for schooling in. For technique, tools, and safety, books are a good start... along with all the other suggestions. But D/s, Master/slave dynamics are mainly about - in my opinion - the emotional, Psychosexual power dynamic. How that dynamic works and what it entails can be subtly, or dramatically, different for every person. The only way for that dynamic to work well between you and your sub is for you to have open and frank conversations with each other about what appeals to you both, and about who you are as people. No stranger can teach you what you need to know to satisfy your particular sub, nor can they teach your sub what you need. Being open and vulnerable about ones secret desires, fears, and inner psychological needs is something many people find very difficult to do. As the Master it is, by default I would say, your responsibility to take the leadership role in making such conversations happen. In my opinion, that is a true test of Mastery... anyone can swing a whip.

crazyml -> RE: new master seaking lessons (5/8/2014 4:13:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: amaidiamond MasterOfMothersBasement Oh yes!

lovesobedience -> RE: new master seaking lessons (5/21/2014 11:32:18 PM)
I really agree with what Bhruic said. Basically, you as Dom or as Master, take the lead. That places the burden of responsibility squarely on your shoulders. While your sub needs to communicate their needs and wants clearly, you, as the one with the potential whip/knife/(insert other play devices here) have the responsibility not only to play safely, but in areas that require a certain level of delicacy, for lack of a better word, you bear the brunt of mistakes. While your sub/slave may endure the literal physical pain (unless you are empathetic, in which case you may be able to feel it as well), the consequences for going to far in cutting someone, or tying rope too tight and resulting in an amputation (extreme, I know, but possible when you don't have enough information/know enough about what you are doing) will end up being yours. All possibly extremely dangerous/permanently disfiguring/dismembering/death kinds of outcomes will be your responsibility. Even if a sub/slave wants more, you need to know your own limits with how far you go, as well as what their body can handle. It is certainly a learning process the whole way through. That being said. Just because someone is newer or a young Dom or Master doesn't mean you are not one. It just means you have pretty much all learning to do. :)

Killerangel -> RE: new master seaking lessons (5/22/2014 3:30:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordHeimdall The same way a new pet owner can call themself a pet owner or a new parent can call themself a parent. It does not mean I know everything about being a Dom/Master, anymore than new parents/pet owners know how to be those things. There are good and bad. The key to anything is having the self discipline and willingness to learn to become better. Why do you think I'm here? Calling oneself a Master generally denotes mastery of the subject you are claiming. For many people, laying claim to that title implies that you have the learning, experience, and skill to back up your use of it.

Killerangel -> RE: new master seaking lessons (5/22/2014 3:38:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovesobedience <snip> That being said. Just because someone is newer or a young Dom or Master doesn't mean you are not one. It just means you have pretty much all learning to do. :) Having all learning to do really negates the concept of calling yourself a Master for most people. If I'm interested in figure skating, I can't call myself a figure skater until I've at least started the sport and tried it out while learning about it. Calling myself a student of figure skating or an enthusiast might be closer to the truth. That being said, there's nothing wrong with wishing to learn, that's fantastic. Using the term Dom/Dominant or top would probably be closer to the truth in the case of a new person learning his/her way around than using the term Master. If I met someone who called himself Master So and So, I'd think that he had some serious experience and skill.

BecomingV -> RE: new master seaking lessons (5/22/2014 11:47:17 AM)
First, kudos for reaching out to improve yourself. In the Leather Community, mentors are available. If you go over to Fet, you can find groups there and a way to hook up with a mentor near you. There are "Houses" and "Families" and they have a strict hierarchy, based on two things: experience in skills and commitment to character traits of Dominance. Your OP shows that you are strong enough to start the journey to Mastery. The first pillar of Dominance is Humility. The feedback you are getting about using the honorific, "Master," when you haven't earned the title, originates from the historical existence of the Leather Community. And, please, don't attach a vanilla meaning to the word, "leather." It means something else in BDSM. So, I suggest checking Fet.

SweetlySadistic1 -> RE: new master seaking lessons (5/27/2014 7:52:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ivone57 just one question, how can you call yourself a Master if you dont know anything.... just saying your a Master does not make you one.... quote: ORIGINAL: LordHeimdall The same way a new pet owner can call themself a pet owner or a new parent can call themself a parent. Umm, the difference is the pet owner IS a pet owner and the parent IS a parent, and not just because they call themselves one. When someone calls himself a "Master," it's expected that he will know what he's doing in some way, shape or form, that he's "mastered" his dominance. But if he has to ask us to teach him, clearly he hasn't. I ask people to teach me things but, then, I don't go around saying I'm a Mistress either. SweetlySadistic1

misterbang -> RE: new master seaking lessons (5/28/2014 3:10:51 AM)
I was thinking about making a topic about this subject as well since I would like to get better in being a master. For me it is better to view it, not read it. Has anyone recommendations for videos or cams which I can view and learn from? I haven't searched for it yet, but it looked like a good place to start asking around here. thank you

Gauge -> RE: new master seaking lessons (5/28/2014 11:54:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordHeimdall The same way a new pet owner can call themself a pet owner or a new parent can call themself a parent. It does not mean I know everything about being a Dom/Master, anymore than new parents/pet owners know how to be those things. There are good and bad. The key to anything is having the self discipline and willingness to learn to become better. Why do you think I'm here? First of all, welcome. Second of all, forget the titles, people get too fucking hung up with what they may mean or do not mean, if your desire is to be called Master then that is what you want, no matter if you are just starting out or you have been doing this for years. An honest person calling themselves Master and admitting that they are learning is far better than someone who calls themselves Master and hasn't a clue. As far as earning that title, well isn't that true of anything? My slut calls me Sir, and sometimes Master, the funny part is that the only thing that I asked of her in regards to a title was to call me Sir, she calls me Master because she feels I have earned that. You have the right attitude about learning, and it seems that you are starting out correctly by asking questions and doing research. Good luck to you.

Bhruic -> RE: new master seaking lessons (6/1/2014 6:49:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetlySadistic1 quote: ORIGINAL: ivone57 just one question, how can you call yourself a Master if you dont know anything.... just saying your a Master does not make you one.... quote: ORIGINAL: LordHeimdall The same way a new pet owner can call themself a pet owner or a new parent can call themself a parent. Umm, the difference is the pet owner IS a pet owner and the parent IS a parent, and not just because they call themselves one. When someone calls himself a "Master," it's expected that he will know what he's doing in some way, shape or form, that he's "mastered" his dominance. But if he has to ask us to teach him, clearly he hasn't. I ask people to teach me things but, then, I don't go around saying I'm a Mistress either. SweetlySadistic1 I understand the point you are making, but as it is getting a little semantic, I'd have to disagree a little. For use of the word master in the sense of mastery in an area of endeavor, you are of course right. In the world of BDSM, the terms master and slave are used - firstly I think - to denote a particular variety of dominant/submissive activity, with its own trappings and practices. Thus it seems natural to me for people to use the terms master or slave to describe themselves as a way to denote that that is their area of interest. I don't think anyone here, or elsewhere in the community, assumes that when someone calls themselves a Master, that means they have achieved mastery of the personal trait of dominance over another. In fact, this site is replete with people criticizing each others' qualifications for designating themselves as either master or slave... a behavior that I find ironically insecure. And what is the criteria for calling oneself a master or a slave anyway? The terms can mean a constellation of different things to different people. The only people who know for sure if the label fits will be the two people in such a relationship. So I'd say... if you identify with the idea of the master in that dynamic, then call yourself a master... what you do afterwards will determine if you are a good master, a bad master, or a masterful master.

AntiS0cial -> RE: new master seaking lessons (6/3/2014 3:34:14 AM)
Here's a question - what does your partner want? A 24/7 authoritarian who controls their every move? Someone they can worship in the bedroom but cuddle with on the couch? The occasional rough-stuff? Figure out what each side actually wants before assigning titles.

Bhruic -> RE: new master seaking lessons (6/3/2014 6:45:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AntiS0cial Here's a question - what does your partner want? A 24/7 authoritarian who controls their every move? Someone they can worship in the bedroom but cuddle with on the couch? The occasional rough-stuff? Figure out what each side actually wants before assigning titles. Is this a question to me? or did you just happen to hit reply on my comment? Its probably best not to put labels on other people, and if you are labeling yourself - which was what we were talking about - presumably one knows what one wants.

Arturas -> RE: new master seaking lessons (6/3/2014 9:11:29 PM)
quote: if any experienced masters would teach a young novice it would be greatly appreciated You can learn the tools of the trade with books and with classes at the local lifestyle club. The rest you learn by trial and error. It helps to have a submissive who is experienced and admires you before you become that person you strive to be. For example, the simple act of hair pulling is not so simple and an experience submissive can help you learn this skill as well as others, many others, all of which will soon give you the confidence you must have to be the person you want to be and the person she turns to as her equal, her Dom, her lover and best friend who just so happens to light her fires in that oh so amazing way you can and no one else will ever.

dirtyfoucker -> RE: new master seaking lessons (7/8/2014 7:48:00 AM)
Really good list

dirtyfoucker -> RE: new master seaking lessons (7/8/2014 7:52:08 AM)
There is a big difference between being a Dom and a Master, to me a Master is very switched on knows exactly what he wants and the confidance inspires a certainty in the Sub/slave, I would classify myself as a Dom personally not a master because I am only now getting deeper into the mental side of power and power exchange. I feel the term master implies a better understanding of that.

igor2003 -> RE: new master seaking lessons (7/8/2014 11:35:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Killerangel quote: ORIGINAL: LordHeimdall The same way a new pet owner can call themself a pet owner or a new parent can call themself a parent. It does not mean I know everything about being a Dom/Master, anymore than new parents/pet owners know how to be those things. There are good and bad. The key to anything is having the self discipline and willingness to learn to become better. Why do you think I'm here? Calling oneself a Master generally denotes mastery of the subject you are claiming. For many people, laying claim to that title implies that you have the learning, experience, and skill to back up your use of it. It's my own opinion that the origin of using the term "master" in BDSM comes from the days before abolition when the owner of slaves was known as the master. He may have been a good master. He may have been a bad master. His learning or ability had no bearing on whether he was a "master" or not. It's also my opinion that when someone carries on about how you can "only be a master" in the BDSM world if you have learned a high degree of skill in the handling of slaves it's usually someone that wants to think of themselves as being better than everyone else. This from Dictionary.com: an owner of a slave, animal, etc. an employer of workers or servants. This from Merriam-Webster: a : one having authority over another This from The Free Dictonary: b. The owner of a slave. This from Webster's 1913 Dictionary: A male person having another living being so far subject to his will, that he can, in the main, control his or its actions; - formerly used with much more extensive application than now. And the list goes on... While there are other definitions of the word "master" that do involve a person's relative skill level, as these definitions show that the skill level is not necessary for the term to apply to someone in a BDSM context. And as I said...this is just my opinion. Yours may (and probably will) vary.

subrosaDom -> RE: new master seaking lessons (7/8/2014 11:54:14 AM)
I would agree with Musicmystery. Titles are bestowed on you/earned by others. It's like hearing someone say "I am honest and trustworthy," because then you know the person is a liar. You might ask why my name includes "Dom" -- and that's more for identification, since there are so many names on here. Dom isn't a title or honorific any more than "man" or "woman." But I wouldn't use Sir/Lord/God or Master -- one exception being an exceptionally humorous name that conveys your natural dry wit. Hence, LordGodoftheUniverse is so over the top (it's probably too long, though) that it might work -- IFF you had an appropriately witty profile. Having said all that, LordHemdall is a pretty cool name and I think it's got some depth (as opposed to YourLord, e.g. -- you'll turn some people off but the Norse allusions will work for others. quote: ORIGINAL: Musicmystery I don't know you, so this isn't a judgment of you. But generally, having to announce you're Master/Lord/Sir is not a good sign. Dominance will show naturally, and attract the appropriate people. Arrogance will (generally) repel them. When dominance and arrogance are mixed, it depends on the girl and the kind of girl you think you want. Since CM doesn't allow name changes, though, you're stuck with it, short of scrapping your profile and starting over.

FieryOpal -> RE: new master seaking lessons (7/10/2014 2:16:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit <snip> Finally, I find that people tend to focus on one of three areas - sensation (pain), control (domination, roleplay), and humilation. It sometimes helps people to think about which they are looking for and work for there. Without giving it a whole lot of in-depth thought, this sounds about right. There could be another aspect, or else secondary motivations. I would like to hear what others have to say about humiliation, however, because I'm not so sure this is necessarily a separate entity from control. I do find that apart from the domination-control aspect, those who are into humiliation also seek to incorporate associated sensations, with or without concomitant pain (meaning they are not into sado-masochism), such as with mild face-slapping, and/or hair-pulling, name-calling, etc. OP, this being the Internet, I personally feel people can have fairly broad leeway in choosing their screen names. Just be mindful in the future, and perhaps on another kink site, that there are those who take things more literally than others, and taking on an honorific can always backfire on you because this is how we lead before getting the opportunity to make that first impression in a more personalized context.

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