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kalikshama -> RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave (1/27/2014 4:28:40 PM)
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Good read; a little depressing. Glad we're happily monogamous, lol. My fav section below.
http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-called-you-a-unicorn-hunter/
1. No Rules. State desires and needs. Make requests. Don’t dictate, discuss.
2. Security through Investment. You don’t remain secure or “Protect the Preexisting Relationship” by limiting what happens with others, you do it by continually investing in your preexisting relationship.
3. Minimize “The Box”. Don’t put restrictions on people who don’t exist, much less ones who do. Allow each relationship to grow into it’s own, natural expression.
4. Specificity. Use specific criteria to search for what you want, but remain open to what you might find.
5. Share “Deal-Breakers” early. When something truly is non-negotiable, it needs to be first date material. Don’t over-dramatize this, a simple, clear statement should suffice.
6. Communicate expectations repeatedly. When you find expectations cropping up, say them out loud. Often people assume that everyone is on the same page and are shocked when later they find that it is not the case. Allow expectations to shift as situations change.
7. Be out! Do this as much as possible. Your entire life will reap benefits as you are able to be more and more open, honest, and congruent. The biggest benefits you will experience will be internal. It is truly transformative.
8. Fairness does not mean Equality. Treat people with kindness and understanding. Try to avoid quid pro quo negotiation, these situations are frequently indicative of underlying problems.
9. Every person involved is equally important as a human being, even if they don’t have equal significance in your life. Don’t act as if you are entitled to a privileged position, or one relationship is entitled to privilege over another.
10. Complete disclosure. With every interaction bring your entire person. Be congruent, open, and honest with each person you are in relationship with. If you ever feel you can’t do this, you have gone of the tracks badly. The relationship is broken and needs to be repaired or discarded.
11. Don’t start out by dating together. Yes, I’m saying, “Don’t be Unicorn Hunters”. Each of you will have an astronomically higher chance of finding what you are looking for if you stop trying to have 1 magical person fulfill 2 distinct and ofttimes contradictory roles. You just might find someone who likes your partner and you will have found your natural fit while effectively sidestepping many of the pitfalls and traps listed herein.
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