HELP!!! Please

HELP!!! Please (Full Version)

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Serenebreaths -> HELP!!! Please (11/19/2004 10:44:43 PM)
I am very new to this ....... Never have I had a relationship with a Dom/Master. I have read everything I can, and learn from whom ever I think has the knowledge. I cannot get on my knees when told to do so by someone whom I just have had a 5 minute conversastion with.... I wont submitt online... Is this a requirement? Any information, Advice I would be so very thankful for.......... Sincerely, Serene [image]local://upfiles/64373/D5B79DB8E3784593A2F4A47DDF724D68.jpg[/image]

stef -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/19/2004 11:05:51 PM)
The only 'requirement' is not to jump into anything you're not 100% comfortable with. You don't have to submit to anyone online, or someone that you just met. Anyone that insists upon either of these is only interested in meeting their own questionable needs. Take as much time as you need and ask as many questions as you like. ~stef

Serenebreaths -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/19/2004 11:32:20 PM)
I am very frustrated at this point........ I have had many question what I seek... I know what it is I am willing to do and how far I will go. And that is a personal choice. Thus far I am just about 99.9 % sure these are wannabe Dom's. Is this normal to find this?

Estring -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/20/2004 12:18:46 AM)
If anyone tells you to submit to them immediately, or calls themselves a Master, they are to be avoided.

sweetpleaser -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/20/2004 3:50:48 AM)
I agree with Estring--they are wannabees. There are some very intelligent and experienced Doms on this site so you have come to the right place.[:)] (Sweet guys too) When a prospective Dom asks you what you want or how you see yourself, he is wanting to see if he "fits" with you. As I am sure you are learning, there are so many aspects of this lifestyle. Some Doms may enjoy a painslut and if you are not, it won't work between you. I think it is helpful while you are learning about yourself to keep a notepad handy and jot down notes of what you like and what you want to avoid. It is okay to be anyway you want to be. Enjoy the journey!

Interesdom -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/20/2004 5:16:05 AM)
As has been said, there is no requirement for you to get on your knees after 5 minutes (or ever) and certainly no requirement for you to submit online. (My personal bias is to NOT submit online - I have difficulty relating to girls who's first 'submission' is only online as they tend to have skewed ideas.) You are a woman who clearly has some knowledge of herself so trust your instincts a bit more. I realise that when going through a life-changing phase (any such change but especially this one) you tend to wonder about yourself and have doubts: is it the old you getting in the way or the new you just not used to things? My advice is to stay with your feet on the ground. At worst, you won't get the fullest benefit from the new life you are entering but it will help you to ensure that you are in control - until you don't want to be! [;)] Your profile is very open and you'll get all kinds of top writing to you from pure sadist to 1950s husband material. I suggest you write more in there about what it is you seek. your thoughts on what your life will be like and BDSM activities that particularly appeal to you and repel you. If you need a hand with your profile, feel free to write me privately: I seem to be good at writing sub's profiles! Best wishes.

cynnacent1 -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/20/2004 5:52:39 AM)
Serene: i am in agreement with what many here have stated: The ones you are referring to are clearly nothing more than wannabes. A 'GOOD' Dom will not require you to submit upon first contact, and no where is it written that you must comply. Any GOOD Dom will be very concerned with what it is you like, and desire, and are seeking as well. Any GOOD Dom will be very concerned with what it is you do NOT like, do NOT desire, and are NOT seeking. Any GOOD Dom will take the time to ensure that both his and your preferrences regarding BDSM compliment each other. Any GOOD Dom will preferre that you submit simply because 'you' wish to and have decided to. Any GOOD Dom, and most importantly, the RIGHT Dom for you will not only want you to submit, but will in his own ways provide you with the strong desire to WANT to submit to him. Much should be established prior to any agreement to your offering to submit to anyone, regardless. The main point however should be that 'you' be the one to decide when that time and person (in your opinion) is right for you. No one has a right to any claim of anyone's submission to them until it has been OFFERED. The one who will submit should ALWAYS be the one who will CHOOSE when to submit, or not to. i found my Master here. Others have as well. Seek the one who is deserving of that title (as you define it for yourself) & who is best for you. There are GOOD Doms to be found here at collarme. Settle for nothing less. P.S. Remember to use the block feature if the wannabes get to be annoying and/or persistant. [;)]

OneNubianMan -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/20/2004 7:06:40 AM)
Hello, As sfgrrl has already mentiond, nothing is required. It is about you and your education and growth and usually those who demand anything from you online are there to simply get off and feed their own fantasies. Keep reading, studying and chatting. When chatting with folks, use your common sense. Take your time and I do wish you a pleasurable journey.

INSIDEYOURMIND -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/20/2004 8:15:39 AM)
serene, A real Dom will make you want to get on your knees, while a wannabe will try to convince you to get down. There are good Doms on this site, the emails you get from the imposters will actually make it easier to determine who deserves your time.

Voltare -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/20/2004 11:24:04 AM)
Serene, As others have already pointed out, there are many (many many many) people here for reasons other then to find a real life Ds or Ms relationship. And of those who are actually seeking, many are looking for things that are not compatible with what you want as well. Having said that, any sort of online interaction can be seen as similar to real life interaction - does the person interest you? Do you enjoy conversation with them? Are they polite? Are they aggressive? Are they open, or do many hide parts of themselves (i.e. refuse to speak on the phone or give you their real first name) while demanding to know your most intimate secrets? Many people forget their common sense when they are here. You're doing well to pay attention to yours. A tip, too, people who participate on these message boards often reveal a lot of their own personality - if it's something you enjoy, read some of the threads here, and add your own thoughts if you like. It might give you a bit of an advantage. Good luck! Stephan

Lordandmaster -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/20/2004 6:48:27 PM)
A good rule of thumb is that if it doesn't feel right, don't do it. If someone asks you to get on your knees after a five-minute conversation, and you don't feel moved to obey--then don't obey. One day someone will tell you to get on your knees and you'll obey. Until then, you're free. Lam

Serenebreaths -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/22/2004 7:00:08 AM)
Thank you all so very much!!!!! Seren

masterdougyes -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/22/2004 11:55:16 AM)
Most everything has already been said but I would add one important item. Never ever meet anyone for the first time except in a very public place, never play on the first "date" and always, until you know someone very well, always set up a safe call. One thing I require of the girls I mentor is that they get information from the person they intend to meet before the actual meeting. This includes full name, address from Drivers License, phone number to contact the person. All of this information together with the meeting place and times are given to the safe call. If a Dom is unwilling to provide a reasonable request, they are probably not a good bet. Yes, you might pass up someone of value, but your own safety is the most important. Often, I also ask for local references, the names of people in the local BDSM scene where they play or that can vouch for them. This is a hard one for a new submissive to check out but many of us on lists such as this have contacts and will be willing to help you with validating claims from your new Dom.

MemphisDsCouple -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/22/2004 12:30:35 PM)
quote: I am very frustrated at this point........ I have had many question what I seek... I know what it is I am willing to do and how far I will go. And that is a personal choice. Thus far I am just about 99.9 % sure these are wannabe Dom's. Is this normal to find this? ummmm.... well..... (Trying to break this to you gently)..... the truth is...... that while you say you know what you are willing to do and how far you will go, probably you do not. When you're with the right person, I think you will find you eagerly go where you would not have dreamed of going before. (In due time, of course. Not all at once.) When you find a man who knows what he is doing, and with whom you "click", you won't even need to tell him what you will or will not do. He will explore you. In fact, that is a big part of the joy and eroticism for me - exploring a woman. Then, with that knowledge and experience with that individual woman, I can bring out more than she realized was there. At least that's the way it has worked for me The right man can teach and guide you to new things. Finding the right man is key. Obviously. And, judging from what I read, finding the right man is a very difficult thing to do. The flip side of that coin is just as true. Finding the right woman is just as difficult a thing to do. As a newbie, my free advice to you is to not waste time on online bs. Find someone you can meet in the flesh and have a couple drinks and dinner and just date a little. And talk. And learn about each other. Let nature take its course. If the guy is all in a rush, he's probably too shallow for you anyway. (But I'm not telling you to be stand-offish if the chemistry is right.) Chemistry is the thing. You'll know it when you find it. The internet is a good place to make contact with someone like-minded. After that, I find I need flesh contact. Good luck!

Kinkypupper -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/30/2004 1:14:04 AM)
If the "demand" something or an actio from you.. walk the other way. If they cannot respect YOU as a person.. walk the other way. If you meet them and they immediately assume YOU are theirs.. RUN the other way.. In "my" opinion a "Dom" has to earn respect and your gift. and it is just that a GIFT. A Dom cannot do anything with anyone that they have not been freely offered FIRST. You offer a great gift. It should be treated as such.

lovingmaster45 -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/30/2004 2:45:27 AM)
I have a suggestion. Get off the damn computer and meet some real people. You are only wasting your time and the time of others as long as you sit at a console and wring your hands with your woe is me attitude. Get moving girl and have some fun.

Nvernilla -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/30/2004 2:08:54 PM)
I have heard this problem expressed often, I don't see why someone would be so stupid as to say something like that, especially to someone who had no reason to even tolerate this kind of treatment. I've never seen a book of rules and would probably laugh if I did, so no I dont think you have to put up with this. These are people with inner problems anyway I feel so you need to use the BLOCK button on them...Mike

CloudThrasher -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/30/2004 9:33:37 PM)
Submission can only be given; it can never be taken. Also, there is no such thing as online submission. Now that you've done some reading, have spoken to some, the biggest task of all lies before you. While others may be able to give advice and offer their perspective, the answers to your questions will only be found within yourself. Knowing who you are, what you desire, and what you need will prepare you for when you meet the man or woman to whom you are willing to offer you submission and who will be deserving to receive your gift. One trap I would advise against is placing too much value on terms like dominant/Dom/Master or submissive/sub/slave. The relationship that evolves between any two people is always best defined by themselves and not others.

proudsub -> RE: HELP!!! Please (11/30/2004 10:50:55 PM)
quote: Also, there is no such thing as online submission. Some here will disagree with you on that. It's something that has been discussed here a lot. Here is the most recent thread: can o/l work?

Falcor64 -> RE: HELP!!! Please (12/7/2004 3:18:15 PM)
Serene, There's lots of great stuff here. I'd just like to add a clarification and a point: 1. Everything happens in a D/s relationship according to YOUR consent, and that consent is YOUR choice to give. Nobody can demand anything of you just because you identify as sub/slave/bottom. 2. As said before, a GOOD Dom is going to spend time getting to know you. Part of that is finding out where your limits and interests lie. (Note: a limit is somthing you won't do or allow done to you.) If that works, and you decide to play with this Dom, then comes the NEGOTIATION, where you and your Dom discuss what you are both willing to do. As above, what you are willing to do is your choice; there is NOTHING that is required of anyone. For example, some subs like collars; some have no interest in them. That's their call; a Dom who "must" have a collar on their sub is not for them. It's just as simple as that. As others have said, do ONLY what you are comfortable with. Over time, you'll probably find your limits change. Perhaps you now think floggers are evil, but later get interested in them. That's ok. It happens with any activity. A GOOD Dom will respect this process AND your limits as you have currently defined them. Oh, and from what I've heard from subs I've known, the CHUDWAHs (Clueless Het-Dom Wanna Be's) out there generate LOTS of email. Expect to have to sift through the garbage to find someone worthwhile. Regards, Falcor quote: ORIGINAL: Serenebreaths I am very new to this ....... Never have I had a relationship with a Dom/Master. I have read everything I can, and learn from whom ever I think has the knowledge. I cannot get on my knees when told to do so by someone whom I just have had a 5 minute conversastion with.... I wont submitt online... Is this a requirement? Any information, Advice I would be so very thankful for.......... Sincerely, Serene

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