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Titles Ahoy - 1/28/2014 6:55:39 PM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline 		A friend of mine described themselves as a "Martyr" when referring to themselves in a conversation as a Dominant Masochist. I'm pretty new to all this stuff still, and are there titles like this I didn't know about, or is she making them up?

And on a side note, can you even be a Dominant Masochist or a Submissive Sadist?
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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/28/2014 7:02:05 PM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		"Dominant masochist" and "submissive sadist" sound counter intuitive, even oxymoronic but hey, if someone can be a Catholic Athiest . . . why not?

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/28/2014 8:33:53 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		Well if they are a switch it could fly. But otherwise the two do not go well together

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/28/2014 9:58:28 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
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Status: offline 		I have known dominants who also enjoyed pain, but it was not their primary directive.
I myself am a submissive who is also sadistic.  I am not a switch.
In the world there are many combinations, this is no different.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/28/2014 10:01:28 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		Titles, schmitles. I like you, you like me, we work something out and have fun. We don't need no stinkin' titles around here!

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/28/2014 10:17:38 PM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline 		Love your philosophy, MistressDarkArt!

I was just curious if there were like 100 different titles out there in some form of list. Would be funny to see.

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/28/2014 10:52:03 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Your friend may be making up the 'Martyr' self-appellation because I've not heard that used before as a label. She is right about there being Dominant masochists. There's a distinction between sado-masochism and D/s in that they are not inclusive. I am not a sadistic Domme for instance. Not all submissives are masochists, and masochists are not necessarily submissive. Think of it more as Top/bottom where whoever is doing the Topping is not always a Dominant, and a bottom is not always an s-type.

I know of a Dom who likes to get caned by his slave and of another one who has his sub-wife flog him regularly. A way for them to experience subspace? -- I can only speculate. There are Dommes who enjoy receiving anal, which is not BDSM, and does not entail domination. (For example, a lesbian or bi Domme who has her sub use a strap-on.)

As for a submissive sadist, believe it or not I actually know one. In fact, I was disputing this with him because I could hardly believe it myself. Now, before you say he must not be a genuine submissive, I have also gone back and forth with him about whether he might be a switch, and he won't budge from insisting 95% of his sexual fantasies involve his submission (the other 5% is vanilla), that the idea of being Dominant does not arouse him. The sadistic part comes into play when he Tops during impact play. He would prefer to be Topped, but when the occasion arises, he enjoys delivering a pleasurable experience to his bottom, more in a service Top capacity.

It's hard for me to understand these sado-masochistic incongruencies, but I cannot quite fathom sado-masochism to begin with, being more into D/s than I am into BDSM.

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/29/2014 12:15:30 AM   
MistressDarkArt


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


I know of a Dom who likes to get caned by his slave and of another one who has his sub-wife flog him regularly. A way for them to experience subspace?


I'm a life-long dominant; I don't switch. One of the first things I train my partners to do is flog my back, butt and thighs. Why should they get all the good stuff? It's pain relief for me and very therapeutic. Not subspace, per se, but the same relaxation/enjoyment as a good massage.

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/29/2014 5:54:57 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

A friend of mine described themselves as a "Martyr" when referring to themselves in a conversation as a Dominant Masochist. I'm pretty new to all this stuff still, and are there titles like this I didn't know about, or is she making them up?

And on a side note, can you even be a Dominant Masochist or a Submissive Sadist?

Well I'm a bit confused, why is she a martyr?
In my opinion, people can be a lot of things, so what if some of them conflict... I'm sure there are conflicted people out there.

I don't think there are any rules set in stone where this stuff is concerned.
But try not to buy into Labels and Titles... just because someone calls themselves something doesn't mean jack.

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/29/2014 5:57:17 AM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83


quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

A friend of mine described themselves as a "Martyr" when referring to themselves in a conversation as a Dominant Masochist. I'm pretty new to all this stuff still, and are there titles like this I didn't know about, or is she making them up?

And on a side note, can you even be a Dominant Masochist or a Submissive Sadist?

Well I'm a bit confused, why is she a martyr?
In my opinion, people can be a lot of things, so what if some of them conflict... I'm sure there are conflicted people out there.

I don't think there are any rules set in stone where this stuff is concerned.
But try not to buy into Labels and Titles... just because someone calls themselves something doesn't mean jack.



This.

My child calls himself an expert driver.

NOT.

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/29/2014 6:03:14 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland

My child calls himself an expert driver.

NOT.



I hate it when I snort tea out of my nose and it gets all over the monitor and keyboard!! Plus it hurts, and not in a good way. I am no martyr.

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/29/2014 6:15:36 AM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline 		Yeah, I was curious about that, too.

Her explanation was she likes to be in control 99% of the time. Every now and then, though, her sub decides to grow some balls and and top her. She doesn't "break character" and she says that was part of it. Some part of her just needed to lose and to hurt for it. She "maintained her dom personality" while her masochistic needs got met. It's interesting. I was curious whether she'd have any difficulty finding subs who'd be interested but she seems to.

I suppose the martyr bit being she's a dominant person, fighting to the end as her pain is delivered, but taking the licks and getting a kick out of it despite her protests.

< Message edited by pg4g -- 1/29/2014 6:17:36 AM >

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/29/2014 7:04:26 AM   
HipPoindexter


Posts: 188
Joined: 12/20/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

A friend of mine described themselves as a "Martyr" when referring to themselves in a conversation as a Dominant Masochist. I'm pretty new to all this stuff still, and are there titles like this I didn't know about, or is she making them up?

And on a side note, can you even be a Dominant Masochist or a Submissive Sadist?


Tell your friend she sounds like a dork. Ha ha ha. "A Martyr." So dorky.

Also tell her I feel her pain. People wanna think and talk in very black and white terms and so many people try to cram themselves into a rigidly defined role just to fit in. It takes some chutzpah to try to explain to people that you're a little of this and a little of that especially when they stare at you blankly and wait for you to stop talking and then say "Um. So are you a sub or a Dom(me)? CHOOSE ONE!"

I remember years ago hanging out with some terribly dull self-described "lifestylers" and people would say, "Poindexter, you're not really a masochist. You're clearly a Dom." And I'd say "Look. It's complicated. I'm a dude who likes to be in control but also gets off on being hurt and fucked around with. Part of me really hates it, which only makes it even more fun. Do you get it?" And they'd say, "Um. So are you a sub or a Dom?" And I'd shake my head and go play some GTA Vice City or something instead because fuck people who can't parse complexity. They're boring to play with anyway.

So you should learn something from your friend. People are complicated and urges are complicated and life can be very confusing when you're a filthy maso who also likes to be in charge of a relationship and even more confusing when you try to explain that to people.

Note: A lot of lifestylers are pretty awesome. It was this particular clique that was awful.


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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/29/2014 8:51:10 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I'm a Dominant but I also like to bottom once in awhile for some downright painful floggings. They're good stress relief for me and, this makes no sense but, the painful floggings are pain relief for my fibromyalgia. At the same time, I can be awfully sadistic with someone. There are all sorts of different combinations out there.

NBMG

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/29/2014 5:20:59 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So if a dominant sticks the flogger into the sub's hands, tells him/her to flog just the shoulders until told to stop, and enjoys it - isn't that someone who enjoys pain and wants it done to their specifications? Of course subs can enjoy topping others without taking control of them. And dominants can enjoy heavy and painful sensations.

Him telling me to buy chocolate ice cream is him making the decision. Him telling me to really massage his lower back hard is him being dominant. Topping and bottoming have nothing to do with power exchange.

I've known some subs who get off on suffering for another, as opposed to enjoying the pain themselves. I guess that's where the martyr label would apply.

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/30/2014 9:26:56 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Marc2b

"Dominant masochist" and "submissive sadist" sound counter intuitive, even oxymoronic but hey, if someone can be a Catholic Athiest . . . why not?



Oh boy here we go again.... If I tell my girl to whip me until I tell her to stop, who is in charge?!?!? Some ppl are clearly cluelsss!

BadOne

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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/30/2014 10:33:02 AM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
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quote:

Oh boy here we go again.... If I tell my girl to whip me until I tell her to stop, who is in charge?!?!? Some ppl are clearly cluelsss!

BadOne


I didn't say they were counter intuitive and oxymoronic, I said they sounded that way.



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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/30/2014 10:35:00 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Marc2b

quote:

Oh boy here we go again.... If I tell my girl to whip me until I tell her to stop, who is in charge?!?!? Some ppl are clearly cluelsss!

BadOne


I didn't say they were counter intuitive and oxymoronic, I said they sounded that way.




Sorry I read your post wrong

BadOne



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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/30/2014 4:07:51 PM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
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quote:

Sorry I read your post wrong

BadOne


We're Good.



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RE: Titles Ahoy - 1/30/2014 4:33:20 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		*FR*
Does anyone else misread the title here as:

Titties ahoy?

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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