Losing a pet (Full Version)

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Runningkc -> Losing a pet (1/29/2014 9:28:30 AM)

I will start this by saying that I'm not asking any particular questions here, I'm just trying to get through this grieving process. Feel free to share your own pet stories. My two dogs, Jax and Oakley, are like my children. They go everywhere with me, they get to work with me all day every day, they sleep next to me in bed. Two weeks ago Oakley was hit by a car. I saw the entire thing, and was just powerless to stop it. I heard the impact as she was hit by a car going at least 70, and saw her writhing out on the road as she screamed. I was probably 200 yards away when it happened. I sprinted out to her, and picked her up to get her back to my truck. She went into shock within about 15 seconds, but she made it all the way to the emergency vet. As I carried her into the vet, she died in my arms.

I am not dealing well, I still cry every day and think about her constantly. Jax is devastated, and in a state of depression as well. I just don't know how to help us both heal from here. They become such family members, and it just sucks. Fuck. It sucks so bad. Does anything other than time help?




MissKittyDeVine -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 9:42:13 AM)

One of my cats had to be PTS through illness last year. I was in pieces. Still devastated. What helps is knowing that I gave her the best home possible during the years she was with me. I have some wonderful memories of her, they are so vivid that it feels in a way that she is still with me.



Greta75 -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 9:53:30 AM)

My eldest cat who have faithfully been with me for 14 yrs passed away 2 years ago. She was the healthiest cat I ever had, and never ever fallen sick. The only time she needed to see the vet was for her sterilization and that was it! Ironically, when she had issues, everything disintegrated so fast. It was like one week she's fine, and next week, she's bag and bones, her cheeks sunken in and she could barely move. The vet said that she's suffering from I can't remember was it kidney or liver failure, there is no cure and she's in pain and suggest euthanasia. I ask the vet what if we just put her on steroids and pain killers and let her die a natural death at my home. The vet said, it's gonna be ugly, her bones will cut through her flesh, she will die in alot of pain. So that day, I carried her in my arms for the last time, while the vet stick the needle into her. She died in my arms and I was crying.

But I know that I wanted to be euthanized if I was in the same condition and I hope a love one would do the same for me.

I still have her picture on my desktop and in many places where I can always see her.

It helped me to know that at 14 yrs old, she is like 79 yr old in cat years or something.

And personally, I'd like to be dead by that age.

But I know this is different from the way your dog died, which was premature by an accident.

I think if my cat died that way, and not by illness, and old age, I would have a harder time dealing with it as well.

Personally, I'm the type who'd find a replacement puppy or something to focus my attention on. I mean, it's not replacement for who was lost, but it makes me concentrate and be responsible for a new life. That usually helps me.

I know it's different for many people. I have a girlfriend who after losing her cat, never wanted to have a cat again, because the lost of it was too painful.

And it is hard, each of your pets have their individual endearing personalities that can never be replaced by another.

That is life and death is part of it. Just have to accept that.



Rule -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 10:01:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Runningkc
I am not dealing well, I still cry every day and think about her constantly. Jax is devastated, and in a state of depression as well. I just don't know how to help us both heal from here.

Grieve and move on.

Your other dog is reflecting your mood. It will be best for him for you to grief briefly so that he can move on too.


Too, you now also represent weakness to that dog - because of your grieving - and according to the dog whisperer that is a bad combination that will damage your relationship with the dog and cause him psychological problems. In fact it might be healthier for him to reside elsewhere and be away from you while you are grieving.





anniezz338 -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 10:01:49 AM)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think you are still in shock yourself. It's one thing to have a pet die but to witness it so brutally is very tragic.

Of course time will help. But I don't think anything else will help. Take comfort that the last sound she had was hearing your voice. That is very important. It comforts them at their time of need.

I had to put down a 14 year old cat who had a chronic desease. I was devastated and felt like I had lost the love of my life. I got a copy of rainbow bridge with his pawprint . It is framed in my living room with a photo of him tucked in the corner. I made a donation to the local animal shelter in his name. For weeks afterwards I swore I could still feel him jumping on the bed. And I had a ton of dreams.

Take comfort in knowing she knew how much you loved her. And how much she loved you. So many precious animals don't get that.

edited: he for she



Kirata -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 10:08:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Runningkc

I am not dealing well, I still cry every day and think about her constantly. Jax is devastated, and in a state of depression as well. I just don't know how to help us both heal from here. They become such family members, and it just sucks. Fuck. It sucks so bad. Does anything other than time help?

You are not alone. In time, it won't always be so much in the forefront of your mind, and that helps. But even years later, anything that stimulates those memories and feelings will send you into tears. There is no resolution. You just learn not to dwell on it. I'm so sorry.

K.




SeekingTrinity -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 10:11:33 AM)

Im so sorry for your loss [:(]. If it's any consolation, I know how you feel.

A year ago in November, I lost my black cat Mr. Pooh to cardiomyopathy and it was kinder to him to let him go than force him to live because I couldn't let him go. I had him ever since he was a 2 month old formerly feral very sick kitten and he shared my life with me for 10 years. It felt like my heart got ripped in half the day I held him in my arms and just repeated "I love you" over and over again as the vet euthanized him. I had him cremated and brought what was left home. I didn't think it honestly would, but found that it provided some measure of comfort. The animal cremation place also did a paw print impression.

I grieved for him, as you will grieve for your fur baby. It does stop hurting so overwhelmingly as time goes on. It's not that we forget about our departed fur babies, but we are able to think about them and remember the good times without the same level of devastating pain like you feel right now. Though they are gone in a physical sense, they never leave our hearts and our souls.



Runningkc -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 10:11:43 AM)

As much as I wish there was an on/off switch for grief, there isn't. I wouldn't be posting here if I were able to just "get over it, and move on". Also, I don't know of any animal that is accustomed to being with his owner 24 hours a day, that would function BETTER not being with their human at all. In my opinion, that is ludicrous.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 10:30:28 AM)

Cry when ya wanna, smile when you can. Remember to breathe in and out. Grief chooses its own timetable and you just have to roll with it as it goes.

Sorry for the loss of your furbaby.



anniezz338 -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 10:39:11 AM)

In case you haven't read Rainbow Bridge yet.

http://petloss.com/rainbowbridge.htm



Kirata -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 11:23:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Runningkc

I don't know of any animal that is accustomed to being with his owner 24 hours a day, that would function BETTER not being with their human at all. In my opinion, that is ludicrous.

I agree, but Rule has a point. You still have a life with the furry pal who is still with you, and he or she needs you. Grieve by all means, but grief comes in waves. The friend you lost would not want to see either of you so unhappy. Surely you know that. So between the waves of grief, play a game of catch and retrieve, share a meal, snuggle together, remember that you still have each other, and don't let yourself feel that there is something cold or selfish about making the best of those moments.

K.



MariaB -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 12:02:20 PM)

RunningKC, I am so, so sorry you had to go through this. Our furry babies are like children and the loss of a pet through old age is devastating enough but I can't imagine what you are going through. Time will heal the pain and your grief will become more bearable but it will always hurt. Keep in mind that Oakley probably knew nothing and his passing was quick and thankfully in the arms of his beloved owner. Think about the good times, the happy memories and the joy Oakley brought into your life.

Tomorrow our eight month old puppy, Jack, is going in for major surgery. He has Perthe's disease and is having the femoral head and neck cut off his right back leg. Only weeks ago he was bouncing about as puppies do but the last two weeks he is crippled with pain. I'm terrified that the anaesthetic will kill him as I lost my two year old Irish Wolfhound to a minor op when he was only 2 years old. The thing is and this may sound awful but I have prepared myself for the worst, for my own sanity of getting through the day tomorrow, I've had to do that.

You had no time to prepare and the shock of something being so final in such a short space of time is very hard to bare.

Sending you a hug and my thoughts.



TNDommeK -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 1:58:36 PM)

I still think of my Dutchess. I felt her last breath and she fell asleep.

I'm so sorry. Really, I couldn't imagine seeing that. But your other dog IS feeding off of you. They will have separation anxiety. It's up to you to comfort your other fur baby.

Oh and that rainbow poem, has me ballin every time.



windchymes -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 2:09:04 PM)

I know many will disagree with me, but I recommend NOT waiting too long to get another dog. It does not have to be "replacing" her, that can never be done, and there will always be an empty spot that she once filled. But since there are so many dogs needing homes, why not make another spot that will bring both you and Jax the love and joy once again?

Long time ago now, I had to put my 12 yr old dog down because he had cancer. Saddest day of my life. I grieved, but I couldn't stop myself from reading the pet ads in the local paper and I saw one for a "doggone dog" that was a rescue and had some minor health issues, as well as some separation anxiety, and they were having trouble placing him. I felt the tug, but told myself, no, it's only been two weeks since Cosmo, I need to wait before I get another one. Then the next week, same ad. I just had to call, and I did, and went to see him, and we bonded right away. Turned out he had been brought in to the same vet where we put Cosmo down on the same night. I took him home that night, and he was my bud for 10 years before he got sick. It was the right decision for me.

I know you'll do what's best for you and Jax, I'm just saying not to wait TOO long if you feel the yearning simply because protocol says you have to. I give you my deepest sympathies, I cannot even imagine the horror of seeing it all happen.



NuevaVida -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 2:16:34 PM)

What a horrible thing to witness. My heart goes out to you.

I like the idea of playing with your other dog when possible.

Otherwise, grief really does suck but you have to allow it to process. Take care of yourself as well as you can. Exercise will help process all that adrenaline your body produced in that moment.

Sending you good thoughts.



Rule -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 2:25:29 PM)

I recommend that you consult a good dog psychologist before you do anything else and as soon as possible.



ElectraGlide -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 2:28:36 PM)

At one time I had two dogs, I took them hiking often, when the one dog got to old too hike, I did not take either, because they were a pair and the old one would get mad and fight the other if he did not go. When the older one was put down due to age and bad health, the younger dog grieved very hard. So I started taking the younger dog hiking often again. It seem to help his grieving. When the younger one got older and went through the old age thing like the other one, we waited about 3 months and just got one new dog.



cloudboy -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 4:29:02 PM)

Providing love to a new pet helped me after our cat, George, died in APR. We got a new kitten in JUL.

I think seeing your dog hit by a car in the fashion your described is particularly horrible and unthinkable. I once helped rescue a dog that was hit by a car in my old neighborhood. He had tags and I went and found his owners who were able to save him. Your story had no such happy ending.



fucktoyprincess -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 4:55:53 PM)

This is a terribly sad thing to have witnessed and I'm very sorry for your loss.

It's okay to be grieving. It's only been 2 weeks. I think it will take a lot more time for you to recover from this. Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do to speed up the grieving process. Grant yourself permission to fully grieve. There is nothing wrong with that (and each of us is different in how we process extremely stressful sad events like this).

Eventually, the pain won't be so raw. No one else can predict how long that will take. But I can certainly say that it will take longer than just 2 weeks. As long as you are still getting on with other aspects of your life I would not worry. Jax is also entitled to his own time to grieve. Eventually, both of you will feel better.

Wishing you both the best.



DarkSteven -> RE: Losing a pet (1/29/2014 5:10:34 PM)

My sympathies.



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