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Kind of a Brat? - 1/29/2014 12:25:51 PM   
like2dom82


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/11/2014
Status: offline 		I am new to all of this. I am in a relationship with a very dominate man. It's what I didn't even know I needed and wanted in my life. That said it is still a struggle.
I have always been the dominate figure in all of my relationships. Not on purpose but that's just kind of my personality.
I really like and love letting him take the lead, but at 31 I still struggle with what that means in a relationship.
I know I will never be a woman who just completely backs down, but I would like to figure out how to be both in our relationship.
I don't know if anyone has had a similar experience and can shed some light. I do have a good friend who I recently found out is the dom in her relationship
and gave me a glimpse into the other side. Just trying to figure it all out because our relationship is pretty amazing!

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RE: Kind of a Brat? - 1/29/2014 1:07:50 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Welcome to the forums.

I'm going to start that there is a difference between being a brat and someone that is an alpha or strong willed.

I'm not typically a submissive person and tend to identify as an alpha. Right up until I come up against someone that is more dominant than I am.

I'm logical, a problem solver and very capable of being in charge. He uses that to his advantage. He also expects me to speak up if I see something won't end well or I have questions about the decision. That doesn't mean that he'll do what I want, but he will listen.

It takes time and trust for things to even out. When I hit rough spots, I reminded myself that I agreed to be the submissive partner in our relationship and counted to 10. And honestly, some of the smallest stuff was the hardest to let go of.

So, I would just suggest keeping the lines of communication open and giving it time.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to like2dom82)
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RE: Kind of a Brat? - 1/29/2014 1:16:42 PM   
like2dom82


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/11/2014
Status: offline 		I think you nailed it! He called me a brat once but he also has said he's never really been with such a strong woman before. Thanks BTW....Talking about all of this is super helpful. I am so new I was even uncomfortable just joining this site. The small stuff has been the hardest for sure and you also nailed it...He will listen but that doesn't mean anything will change and I def need to remember I chose to be submissive. Thanks!

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RE: Kind of a Brat? - 1/29/2014 1:43:00 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		I am not an alpha by personality but circumstances forced me to BE the alpha in many relationships. Strength of character is never a bad trait. A brat misbehaves to get attention or to cause other people discomfort or to manipulate. Your not a brat if you are standing up for what you believe is right or to prevent someone else from using you for their own gain with no thought to the consequences for you.

(in reply to like2dom82)
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RE: Kind of a Brat? - 1/29/2014 1:52:01 PM   
like2dom82


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/11/2014
Status: offline 		Agreed!! I think he confused that initially. Though he is clearly understanding that I'm not trying to manipulate him or get attention. It's weird....we worked together years ago. I was in a position of authority over him and he remembers me being really "bitchy" and "mean" as he puts it. We bumped into eachother 5 years later....both divorced...and well here we are. Part of me thinks that he's not quite over me being that way to him 5 years ago. What I think he hated the most was not that I was mean to him but that I really didn't even know he was there for the most part. We've talked about that....I do my best to help him through that but ultimately he will have to get over that part on his own. Life sure turns out way different then you could imagine! But that's what makes it great!

But in my opinion that's why he says I'm a brat....not because I am now....but because I was then. I was for sure that person 5 years ago.

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RE: Kind of a Brat? - 1/29/2014 1:53:18 PM   
like2dom82


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/11/2014
Status: offline 		And I too am alpha by circumstance....I know exactly what you are saying. I do find it hard to let that completely go though. It has almost become like a comfort blanket to me. I know I don't want to be that way but I don't know how to be any other way....if that makes sense

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RE: Kind of a Brat? - 1/29/2014 2:25:32 PM   
Thaz


Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline 		Where's the challenge of being Dom to a doormat. Nothing wrong with either strong Alpha Subs or Brats but they are very different ..or can be :-)

(in reply to like2dom82)
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RE: Kind of a Brat? - 1/29/2014 2:59:57 PM   
like2dom82


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/11/2014
Status: offline 		Hahahah exactly!

(in reply to Thaz)
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RE: Kind of a Brat? - 1/30/2014 9:04:39 AM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		Hello and welcome to the discussion side which I see has been going well. You have come to a really good place to ask questions and to learn WIITWD. Many of the people on this side are couples and I would say almost all that chat here have a real good understand of the lifestyle. Have a question ask away someone almost has an answer and when they don't its been known for a few to help get the answer. Glad you decided to join us, hopefully you will stick around and become one of the posters here as well.

may the new year be good to you.

_____________________________

~misty~

Been here since 2004

Fear has two meanings: "Forget Everything And Run" or "Face Everything And Rise." The choice is yours!!!!!

(in reply to like2dom82)
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