Suggestions??

Suggestions?? (Full Version)

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wantitnow569 -> Suggestions?? (7/5/2006 8:31:35 PM)
Okay, so i've been one of those people for a while now, who is content with just reading these things rather than contributing...However, recently it appears that i may need some guidance, support, advice, whatever....Here's the deal: ...My Mastrer and i are getting ready to meet, we've been talking for about 3 months now online and stuff..and i have some issues because of my past that interfere occasionally with my ability to be sexual...For example i'm not able to have an orgasm... and....occasionally, while having sex i will end up just "losing it" (crying, etc)....While i try really really hard not to allow my past to interfere with my ability to enjoy the present, sometimes i think it's beyond my control..... i guess i'm looking for some suggestions on how to deal with this.... and yes, i think i have talked with my Master about this.... thanks, want it....

ownedgirlie -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/5/2006 8:49:48 PM)
All I can really tell you is to focus on him and follow his guidance. It is good he knows this about you. Communicate as much as possible to him - hold nothing back. If you trust him, remember that trust and depend on it.

OTKkindaGirl -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/5/2006 11:14:44 PM)
i cannot begin to even imagine what kind of past you have had and far be it from me to compare yours to mine, but just the brief glimpse you have allowed is enough for me to know that it can't be to far off base from my own. it's easy to put subconscious pressure on yourself when meeting somebody that you feel a connection with but be aware of the chemistry or lack of. sure it will be exciting to meet and you can have a "first meeting" only once. don't let it cloud your judgement. i am going to separate the issues of this first meeting with worry of your sexual performance and "lack" of orgasms combined with tears. sounds like you are still mourning what has happened to you in your past. i truly understand this and it is normal. it took me years to accept my past and a few years to learn to relax enough to actually enjoy sex. the only thing that can beat the memories of the past is to focus on the present by relaxing, breathing, and focusing on your partner when you feel yourself starting to slip back in time. closing my eyes use to be a trigger factor for me, so i would open them and look at my partner, sometimes beg for a slap on the ass to bring me back to the here and now moment. the "losing it" part is something i also continue to deal with. each person is different and i don't know if i have been of any help at all. nothing helps beat the past more than communicating and realizing the triggers and either working through them or avoiding them until you can work through them. a good Master knows this. i am here, all you have to do is write, if i can be of any help at all just let me know. good luck to you and meeting your Master! i hope all goes well for you both.

Estring -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/5/2006 11:40:59 PM)
You don't mention whether you have received or are receiving professional help for your issues. Hopefully your Master will be supportive and patient with you. Good luck.

wandering4u -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/6/2006 2:45:07 AM)
Slow and easy! And just don't "think" you explained it - really take time and talk to Him. Time spent now may save a lot of time and problems later!

feastie -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/6/2006 4:14:34 AM)
Might be wise to take some of the pressure off by not planning sex on your first meeting... It is ok to say, "I'm not ready"

MstrssPassion -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/6/2006 4:31:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie Might be wise to take some of the pressure off by not planning sex on your first meeting... It is ok to say, "I'm not ready" I'll second that! & I will add that if you feel you have explained that you have some issues with sex & he is still leaning toward sex on a first meeting... he isn't being compassionate or considerate toward your problems & could just add to them. Not a very good example of a master.... more like horny man looking to score or possibly someone with a huge ego thinking he is just the man to make you orgasm. quote: wantitnow569: i try really really hard not to allow my past to interfere with my ability to enjoy the present, sometimes i think it's beyond my control..... (I'm curious to know just how many of the men in here that identify as master would press a woman to have sex based on just these words alone.) These are your words. If you feel like you are not in control, you're not ready to be engaging in any sexual activities. I also curious as to whether you have sought out help with this. Another thing... don't EVER be satisfied with being of the mind that you THINK you may have mentioned something, especially something as important as this. If you are truly wanting to have a presence in your life that is a master you are going to find out real fast that you are going to have to reveal every dark recess of your soul. This person is going to need to know every tick, twitch & thought that you have within your being. All of this takes time & 3 months is nothing... 3 months combined with no real time interaction is a lot more than nothing. Slow down & get to know this person you feel you wish to give yourself to completely. Is REALLY someone deserving of something so precious as you? Don't let this screen name you picked be the means to your end. Be patient & wait for the "IT" you "WANT" to happen when it is time... "NOW" is not always the best time for it to take place.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/6/2006 6:39:57 AM)
I've got four words for you: "Go see a therapist." If you've been traumatized in the past and it interfers with your ability to be close to someone in the present, you're more fucked up then you think you are.

KennelDeSade2 -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/6/2006 6:49:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wantitnow569 .... and yes, i think i have talked with my Master about this.... thanks, want it.... If you "think you have" then you haven't talked about it enough, or need to talk about it enough to come to an actual understanding. Otherwise you are just begging for one of those "landmine" events to crop up when you and he are least prepared to deal with it.

wantitnow569 -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/6/2006 7:14:27 AM)
MrDiscipline44 titleAndStar(817,0,0,false,"","") I've got four words for you: "Go see a therapist." If you've been traumatized in the past and it interfers with your ability to be close to someone in the present, you're more fucked up then you think you are. I just wanted to "thank You" for this response....hmmm...i'm sorry was there somewhere in my post where i asked to be belittled, put down, or judged??? i must've missed that part... And just for Your information, i'm completly aware of how fucked up i am...

wantitnow569 -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/6/2006 7:17:07 AM)
I just wanted to thank (most) all of You for Your responses, encouragement, and support... i have done therapy for a long long time, and am currently in it again... Although this is not an issue i'm in the least bit comfortable discussing with my therapist... Thanks, Want it

juliaoceania -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/6/2006 9:17:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wantitnow569 I just wanted to thank (most) all of You for Your responses, encouragement, and support... i have done therapy for a long long time, and am currently in it again... Although this is not an issue i'm in the least bit comfortable discussing with my therapist... Thanks, Want it This is why therapy didnt work for me, I couldn't discuss my sexuality with my therapist. I broached the subject with him once in an indirect way, asking him what he thought about being "submissive" in a relationship and his response let me know it was "not okay" to be this way. I quit going soon after and learned how to deal with anxiety on my own. I would suggest that you find out as soon as possible if this therapist can be trusted. It is the hardest to talk about the things that bother us the most.

MstrssPassion -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/6/2006 3:33:10 PM)
Then both you & the OP just have not talk to the right therapist yet. My partner & I run a support group for the transgender community... These people MUST seek out therapy in order to successfully transition. Many come to us & tell us the horrors they went through while trying to find the right therapist. For whatever problem you are having, there will be a RIGHT therapist out there for you. If you need a kink aware professional... there are ways to find them. If you need a therapist for sexual issues, they are out there. You just need to do your research & not throw your hands up & say... Nope it doesn't work for me... I already tried once.

MstrssPassion -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/6/2006 3:44:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wantitnow569 it appears that i may need some guidance, support, advice, whatever You asked, people answered. MrDiscipline may have came across a little harsh... but no harsher than having a glass of cold water tossed in your face which may have just been his way of giving you a wake up call. When questions are asked from a bunch a strangers (& you did ask for us to reply in many ways as I noted in your quote above), you are gonna get a lot of answers that may seem strange to you. You can't expect to get an answer you want to hear every time. You say you know you have some issues & you have made an attempt to get help. All you can do is follow through with it. If you truly want to get involved with someone... someone that you may wish to have as a life mate... the best thing you can do for this person & yourself it resolve as much of the negative issues you have in your life before getting involved. It really isn't fair to dump all of that on someone & it is typically sudden death in new involvements. If sexual involvement is very delicate for you then you really don't need to put yourself in a position of additional heartbreak if your current problems prevent a new relationship from taking hold. In fact if one were to end due to your recognized issues you would most likely feel guilt. This would add additional negative issues... something you obviously do not need in your life. I hope that some of this actually resonates as honest friendly comment... it is the manner in which I offer it. Good luck to you

tangria -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/6/2006 5:56:40 PM)
like you, i usually just read the forums and rarely post----so many here are so much more eloquent and experienced than i that i usually have little to add to their already wise contributions. i also met my "one" online and have gone thru the fears, the what-ifs, the doubts. He has been patient, understanding, and steadfast in His love for me, when there have been times i probably didnt deserve it. that is why i know in my heart He is my One---and yes we have met r/t but are not 24/7 yet. i guess what i am clumsily trying to say is that if this person is the one for you, he will listen, and enable you to seek the help you need, because in the end it will make you a better partner in the relationship. and i echo the other posters in not rushing anything you dont feel ready to handle. youve already made a start by acknowledging a problem and seeking help, dont give up now. best of luck to you, and peace.

RavenMuse -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/7/2006 3:12:56 AM)
First off, in line with the other comments, something like proffessional counciling may help AND given you have talked with your potential Master, hopefully he will approach the matter with care and understanding. So you have problems orgasming... is that really such a big deal? Sure it is nice, but it certainly isn't the main course. Giving and recieving pleasure, having fun, enjoying giving him pleasure and him enjoying you.... Doesn't 'need' orgasm' Occassionaly you 'loose it'... fine, use that, instead of beating yourself up and wasting time feeling guilty, look at what triggered the reactions, look at where inside you the feelings came from. Talk to your Master about those things, talk to a councilor about those things, hell, if you have to then find someone from here you feel you can trust and talk in email about it.... but talk it through, give yourself permission to get it straight in your head and stop just reacting negativly to to rather than dealing with it. Accept that it maybe something you need help to deal with, that isn't a weakness, it isn't a burden on someone else, it is simply a likely fact.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/7/2006 9:52:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wantitnow569 MrDiscipline44 titleAndStar(817,0,0,false,"","") I've got four words for you: "Go see a therapist." If you've been traumatized in the past and it interfers with your ability to be close to someone in the present, you're more fucked up then you think you are. I just wanted to "thank You" for this response....hmmm...i'm sorry was there somewhere in my post where i asked to be belittled, put down, or judged??? i must've missed that part... And just for Your information, i'm completly aware of how fucked up i am... Sheesh, you try to help some people............

SirDarkside357 -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/7/2006 2:12:42 PM)
(I'm curious to know just how many of the men in here that identify as master would press a woman to have sex based on just these words alone.) My opinion, no true Master would. Darkside

ehlovindom -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/8/2006 10:14:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: wantitnow569 I just wanted to thank (most) all of You for Your responses, encouragement, and support... i have done therapy for a long long time, and am currently in it again... Although this is not an issue i'm in the least bit comfortable discussing with my therapist... Thanks, Want it This is why therapy didnt work for me, I couldn't discuss my sexuality with my therapist. I broached the subject with him once in an indirect way, asking him what he thought about being "submissive" in a relationship and his response let me know it was "not okay" to be this way. I quit going soon after and learned how to deal with anxiety on my own. I would suggest that you find out as soon as possible if this therapist can be trusted. It is the hardest to talk about the things that bother us the most. FIND ANOTHER THERAPIST. Seriously, if you can't be open and completely honest with your current therapist, then find another one or else you are only wasting your time and enriching your therapist's bank account. I knew someone who went through 7 therapists until she found one who she trusted enough to discuss the issues she NEEDED to discuss. After weekly sessions for many years with the other 6 therapists, she only sees the seventh every few months. Her monetary loss was more than compensated by my friend's well being.

Seekingoneslave -> RE: Suggestions?? (7/8/2006 12:52:55 PM)
You've received some really good advice here. None of us can even pretend to be in your situation or experienced what you have. You're the only one who can feel what you do feel, and in that respect, listen to yourself...if you're not comfortable doing something, don't do it. That said, every relationship (lifestyle or otherwise) is different and the two (or more) people in it can set it up anyway they choose, but there's no rule that says it has to be sexual. If you and he want it to be, great; that's your prerogative. It doesn't have to be, though. Again, I'm not in your shoes, but I've always found it's not the action, but the person you're with who makes it special. It's hard, really hard, but talk to him. Let him know exactly where you stand and with what you're dealing. If he's the one for you, he'll help you and guide you to an area where you're more comfortable. If you need someone to talk with, my door is always open. I wish you all my best.

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