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nothing - 1/30/2014 1:58:56 PM

cocoloco2013

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Nothing

< Message edited by cocoloco2013 -- 1/30/2014 2:50:06 PM >

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/30/2014 2:05:07 PM

freedomdwarf1

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Did you not meet and discuss everything before you foolishly decided to sign something and let yourself be collared??

If his ill-health is a deal-breaker, I would tear up the contract (not that it's enforcable anyway) and send it back to him.
Then cut all ties and contact.

Next time, don't throw common sense out of the window just because it's kink.

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/30/2014 2:06:43 PM

KnightofMists

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Yes.....

But one question you need to answer for yourself. Would you have become his slave if you knew the truth? If the answer is no... Then you need to seriously think about changing the relationship to what you would if accepted if at all. If yes... Then you need to find the way to reconcile and forgive him as well as understand why he felt it necessary to lie.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/30/2014 2:08:18 PM

kalikshama

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Your contract and collaring are not the issue - the big lie is. How long have you been seeing this guy? I'd be pissed if I made a serious commitment to someone and then he sprang a serious illness on me. I'd have problems trusting him.

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/30/2014 2:09:24 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cocoloco2013
serious problems! This changes everything for me and my children who know him as mummy's boyfriend :(.

Really? What kind of health problems? Syphilis? Yeah, I can see your point. Multiple sclerosis, or cancer? Sure, he should have told you, but I don't see why your children would love him any less. Kids are often more mature about things like that than adults are.

Sounds to me that he was insecure because he knew how you would react. And, sure enough, you reacted predictably.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/30/2014 2:10:44 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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I'm assuming he hid pre-existing conditions from you? And not that he found out immediately after you committed?

But yes, a lie is a lie. Contracts are just paper. If you feel cheated, walk away.

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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/30/2014 2:12:28 PM

cocoloco2013

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Thanks for your views..we've only been together a couple of months..maybe too soon to have signed contracts. ..it felt right though..and no I would not have if I'd known about health problems beforehand. .he somehow forgot to mention those! Looks like I'm back to square one. .lessons learnt about taking it really slowly x

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/30/2014 2:19:33 PM

snappykappy

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I have always let one know about my health problems before I had my right lung tx because I wanted them to know and some even called me damage goods and I accepted that because it was their choice to proceed or not to

but heck they only gave me 1-2 weeks prior to my tx which was nov 9, 2009 so I relish every second of every day and I thank God the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit multiple times a day and my donor matthew who gave me a second chance and all those involved with the tx process

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/30/2014 2:30:22 PM

freedomdwarf1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cocoloco2013

Thanks for your views..we've only been together a couple of months..maybe too soon to have signed contracts. ..it felt right though..and no I would not have if I'd known about health problems beforehand. .he somehow forgot to mention those! Looks like I'm back to square one. .lessons learnt about taking it really slowly x

It doesn't always have to be really slowly, but you have to make sure you ask all the right questions and get all the answers before you make any sort of commitment.
Something as important as his health you should have asked about before you even met him.
Seems like you went into this with rose-tinted glasses and sub fever.

Always, always... use common sense.
Ask all the usual questions that you would if it is/was a 'nilla thing.
Kink comes a poor second; friendship, compatibility and all the normal stuff comes first.

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/30/2014 2:31:43 PM

kalikshama

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Speaking of asking the right questions, did you two discuss finances?

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/30/2014 2:35:19 PM

cocoloco2013

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Yes we had friendship and all that first..he just neglected to tell me about his health. As his slave we discussed finances. He stayed part time with me but wanted me to move in with him..glad I didn't uproot the children now. We could have been really stuffed if he dropped down dead.

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RE: nothing - 1/30/2014 2:55:55 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
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From: Portland oregon
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Married.....

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/30/2014 3:02:35 PM

Milesnmiles

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cocoloco2013

Thanks for your views..we've only been together a couple of months..maybe too soon to have signed contracts. ..it felt right though..and no I would not have if I'd known about health problems beforehand. .he somehow forgot to mention those! Looks like I'm back to square one. .lessons learnt about taking it really slowly x

Like freedomdwarf1 said; "It doesn't always have to be really slowly, but you have to make sure you ask all the right questions and get all the answers before you make any sort of commitment."
Here is a book that was written for Doms but has a list of questions that would remind you of things that you should cover.
Dom's Guide To Submissive Training Vol. 2: 25 Things You Must Know About Your New Sub Before Doing Anything Else... by Elizabeth Cramer
Question #7 is; Do you have any health concerns I should know?

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/31/2014 8:44:58 PM

littlewonder

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top 10 important questions to ask

1. Are you married/dating? Watch his mannerisms extremely well.If you're not very good at reading body language then do some checking around. Google will tell you LOTS of things.

2. Were you married? In a deep relationship? If so, how long since it ended? If he/she starts talking badly about their ex, leave now...run, don't walk.

3. Do you have any health issues?

4. Are you employed? Are you financially secure?

5. Do you have any children? Do you want children?

6. How do you feel about_______ (whatever is important to you)

7. What is your religion?

8. How do you get along with your parents? Do you live with them?

9. What about pets? Have any? Want any?

10. Do you have friends/social life? Are you happy?

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/31/2014 8:54:40 PM

ElectraGlide

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Cocoloco thats why waiting atleast one year, in a full time relationship before being collared is a great idea. I am not knocking you, just good advice to newbies wanting to be collared.

< Message edited by ElectraGlide -- 1/31/2014 8:55:27 PM >

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/31/2014 8:55:23 PM

Rawni

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People have told me not to tell men at first, that it overwhelms them and some even suggested I should trick them... get them to feel for me and then tell them.

I found those answers distasteful. If telling someone right away scares them, they haven't got what it takes to be with me.

My health may be bad, but my honor is in tact. I won't trick anyone.

To talk about moving in with someone, within three months and collaring them and not talking about it first? Whoa... that is just wrong. To meet the kids without this being known... huge no.. no in my book. I would be pissed if someone did that to me... then again... not sure three months of a beginning honeymoon of love is a bases for any of this.

As Littlewonder says... ask.

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/31/2014 9:01:55 PM

inmate822210

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I'm not saying it shouldn't have come up over the course of a few months, or weeks even, but really, if you have a chronic condition, sometimes people don't need to see that about you right away. I can't attest to a fatal condition (and I could see the difference in something that is communicable), but it's nice to have people judge your personality and what isn't wrong you before anything else.

Of course I will admit that I'm incredibly biased on this as I do have a chronic physical condition. But if I went through everyone with at least ten posts on here, I could Dx at least 80% with some sort of psychiatric condition. Do I think that percentage of people are unworthy of talking to? Of course not. But are they better folks for concealing or simply not knowing their misfortune than someone who clearly does? That I'm unsure about.

I didn't mean that to insinuate that any particular person has issues, or even a majority. If you look in a certain light, though, you can always find something wrong with someone--especially when it comes to health.

I cannot do a lot of things Dommes regularly expect, and I never lie about it. I don't think omission is always lying when it comes to health, either. Where does it start and begin? If you had PTSD when you were 15 and are now 45 and over it, must you disclose that because you might still have a nightmare out of the blue? It's just a bit blurry to me, that's all.

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/31/2014 9:06:38 PM

DesFIP

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I was upfront about my chronic conditions during the talking stage, before meeting. If they were beyond what he wanted to deal with, then why waste more time chatting? Why waste my time chatting if he's just going to change his mind once he knew the truth?

So yeah, I believe in laying it all on the line as soon as possible.

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 1/31/2014 9:21:08 PM

littlewonder

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I didn't go out of my way to tell Master about my issues. They would just naturally come out during our conversations. I mean we talked/talk about everything! It always surprises me when I hear people say they didn't talk about this or that. So what exactly DID you talk about? Sex? I mean, how long can you talk about sex before you get bored? I wanted to know everything about him.

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RE: recently collared then told by Master he is ill !! - 2/1/2014 7:19:07 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

top 10 important questions to ask

1. Are you married/dating? Watch his mannerisms extremely well.If you're not very good at reading body language then do some checking around. Google will tell you LOTS of things.

2. Were you married? In a deep relationship? If so, how long since it ended? If he/she starts talking badly about their ex, leave now...run, don't walk.

3. Do you have any health issues?

4. Are you employed? Are you financially secure?

5. Do you have any children? Do you want children?

6. How do you feel about_______ (whatever is important to you)

7. What is your religion?

8. How do you get along with your parents? Do you live with them?

9. What about pets? Have any? Want any?

10. Do you have friends/social life? Are you happy?

Other relevant queries...
-Do you have a medicine cabinet full of anti psychotics
-Whats your arrest history? Any prior restraining orders?
-Have you ever assaulted/stalked anyone?
-Are you on probation or parole?
-Whats your family like?(Like exes, I listen reeeeeeaaaaaaaaal close to these answers,not so much the fam itself, but how the person responds to said fam)
-STD's? Now? Ever? Plans for the future?
-Do you have to shave your face daily?
-Were you ever a man pre-snip?

ETA-Oh yeah.My personal favorite and one based on a real experience on here-"Do you have all your original appendages?"

< Message edited by Kana -- 2/1/2014 7:42:34 AM >

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