My small town

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inmate822210 -> My small town (1/30/2014 2:11:15 PM)
My first couple posts on this account have been a bit on the serious side, and I just wanted to bring some levity to the forums about my own personal rustication that others can probably relate to in their own lives. Just a basic synopsis: I rusticated about two years ago to our family farm so I could be closer to the Mayo Clinic. I wasn't prepared at the time for the extreme culture shock, but now it's just humorous for me. It's small things in small towns--like I wear a designer sports coat and cufflinks and get called a fairy by the guys with the camo jackets and hunter orange snow caps. Naturally I think of them as cavemen, however, the reality is that PC is completely out of the question and now we just have an understanding of how we look at each other. It's almost cordial at this point! But, this post comes down to being released from the hospital earlier today, being halfway home (about 30 miles from the nearest Walmart), and realizing that I'd need some chips or a high salt food to accomplish the recommendation that I increase my salt intake to 5-10g per day to increase my blood volume with the aide of a Rx. I hadn't thought of this after being discharged as I simply wanted to get home, so I left myself with only one option-- The small town grocery store! This is a truly amazing place, and I mean that with the utmost sincerity. People are often hostile towards me because I didn't grow up in the small town, but I disregard it mostly and just keep a positive attitude. Besides, I did say it's amazing. When I first moved here, I was scouring the aisles for pop, and lo-and-behold, I actually found a case of Crystal Pepsi on the shelf in the back. I was giddy beyond belief! From there, I also investigated other local grocers to find rare things, amongst my favorite, a can of Slice in one of the coolers. That hasn't been around in a decade! But for this trip, it really comes down to one specific place: the chip aisle. Ironically the very same as the magnificent pop aisle/milk aisle/produce... not important! And there I was, pale as a ghost trying to buy some chips. However, it quickly became a complicated matter when one of my beloved cavemen began staring at my lackadaisically put together outfit after the hospital. I'm not the paranoid, "people are looking at me type", but this transcends that. I immediately noticed him grab for a bag of the ultra-super deluxe flavor smashing Ruffles. We don't have chips in 2014, we have manhoods on the line! Naturally I went into a panicked state as I wanted to make a bold counter-statement. So I sauntered up and down that aisle, looking at every last item. Andy's Hot Fries... don't want to die; Tostitos? possibly, but I couldn't find anything but mild salsa (not a strong statement), and then they appeared: Extreme Doritos Chipotle. I snatched that bag with my hubris intact and quickly got in the checkout line, fully assured that I had secured my manhood for the day... Got home... Omg, these are burning my digestive track! What in the world was I thinking?! Now they are high in sodium, but it's the fickle human psyche. I have a doctorate degree and nothing to prove; regardless, there are just these moments in social interaction where you lose yourself and have to not wimp out ;) Is there a point to this post? Beyond that I personally cannot tolerate Extreme Doritos? Not really, but it's a little insight to my day that makes me chuckle at my own silliness come day's end.

kalikshama -> RE: My small town (1/30/2014 2:26:09 PM)
inmate - I've been really enjoying your posts. Welcome to the asylum! [sm=welcomewave.gif]

inmate822210 -> RE: My small town (1/30/2014 4:18:55 PM)
I don't want to promote my own thread by bumping this cough cough, but I do appreciate that fine "Welcoming" animation :)

dcnovice -> RE: My small town (1/30/2014 4:24:59 PM)
FR Have you read Dakota by Kathleen Norris? It's her account of moving from NYC to the farmhouse she'd inherited from her grandmother. Warmest wishes for your health!

popeye1250 -> RE: My small town (1/31/2014 1:26:02 AM)
Inmate, a nice read but you and me DEFINATELY have differant senses of humor. Custom sportscoats and cufflinks in a small town with camo wearing guys? Can we say "Metrosexual?" Ever hear the saying ,..."when in Rome?" You have to "out -camo" the camo guys! Coverall jeans and Grizzly red should do the trick! And if you drive a VW or Lexus,....burn it, "chick car!" The Camo guys see you driving something like that and they're going to start making comments about how "purty" your lips are. Keep us informed. More later, Jethro

theshytype -> RE: My small town (1/31/2014 4:14:55 AM)
Love your post! I can, somewhat, relate. I'm not from a large major city, more on the outskirts of, but am from a place where metrosexual men run rampant and women are continuously trying to out-fashion the next (though I'm not sure women differ too much from big city to little town). They do seem as if two complete different worlds. I now know how my husband felt when he moved from his small town to my big city. In my new little town, I have felt a little out of place. Especially at the grocery store. I thought I was dressed-down in my cute designer coat, jeans and heeled boots. Throw jeans in the mix, the outfit has to be casual, right? Not so much. Men don't really seem to mind and seem more...polite. Yes, camo and coveralls are popular attire. My favorite time was when three local men were installing some services in our home. We were chatting and one asked if I was "sick of it yet". I looked at him, confused. He clarified. Apparently, he's met a few people not-so-accustomed to a small town that shortly thereafter left. I love it, though. It's quiet, so much less traffic, and people overall seem friendlier.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: My small town (1/31/2014 4:22:55 AM)
After 20 years in Chicago (the city, not a burb) I now reside in a town of around 100,000 when the students are in school. I love my little town, though I admit I go into Indy for any serious clothes shopping. There's like 4 cars in line and these folks think they have a traffic problem. I kid you not. The downtown is so slow you can easily find parking across from the courthouse. As far as what you wear, I am always making a serious fashion statement here, and that's when I'm in my sweats. Sometimes I miss the hustle and bustle of the city, but Indy isn't that far away. My sub and I have some tentative plans to go down and do some shopping and such. But a few times a year does it for me. I like my traffic and parking 'problems.' BTW: Welcome to the discussion side Inmate, I hope you stick around.

theshytype -> RE: My small town (1/31/2014 4:31:59 AM)
quote: BTW: Welcome to the discussion side Inmate, I hope you stick around. Oh yeah, and I ditto this.

inmate822210 -> RE: My small town (1/31/2014 9:54:22 AM)
Hey, let's ease up on the metrosexual thing! I don't mind it being bisexual, but there's a certain level in business where you are as good as your clothes at business meetings. A good suit isn't good enough--it needs to be tailored right. At least that was my experience. You may have me on the french sleeves and cufflinks, but again, it's one of those things in the business I was in (head researcher for a lab). And my town has 375 people. I can't out-camo the camo! As Michael Bolton in Office Space said, "Why should I change? He's the one that sucks!" I appreciate the kind comments and general discourse that has ensued my posting. It's nice not to have something get aggressive. Thank you all :)

DesFIP -> RE: My small town (1/31/2014 11:13:09 AM)
Inmate, if you do have an occasion to buy a new coat, I suggest a basic Carhart. Not so much for the fashion, although my 20 year old makes his father's look chic. But because if you're going to shovel snow or rake leaves or caulk windows, all the things homeowners do, the thing is indestructible. I know the coat my son liberated from the closet must be over 25 years old. It went into the washing machine and emerged looking brand new. And he splits wood by hand in it!

inmate822210 -> RE: My small town (1/31/2014 11:19:38 AM)
I have never heard of that brand, but I will Google it certainly.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: My small town (1/31/2014 2:57:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: inmate822210 My first couple posts on this account have been a bit on the serious side, and I just wanted to bring some levity to the forums about my own personal rustication that others can probably relate to in their own lives. Just a basic synopsis: I rusticated about two years ago to our family farm so I could be closer to the Mayo Clinic. I wasn't prepared at the time for the extreme culture shock, but now it's just humorous for me. It's small things in small towns--like I wear a designer sports coat and cufflinks and get called a fairy by the guys with the camo jackets and hunter orange snow caps. Naturally I think of them as cavemen, however, the reality is that PC is completely out of the question and now we just have an understanding of how we look at each other. It's almost cordial at this point! But, this post comes down to being released from the hospital earlier today, being halfway home (about 30 miles from the nearest Walmart), and realizing that I'd need some chips or a high salt food to accomplish the recommendation that I increase my salt intake to 5-10g per day to increase my blood volume with the aide of a Rx. I hadn't thought of this after being discharged as I simply wanted to get home, so I left myself with only one option-- The small town grocery store! This is a truly amazing place, and I mean that with the utmost sincerity. People are often hostile towards me because I didn't grow up in the small town, but I disregard it mostly and just keep a positive attitude. Besides, I did say it's amazing. When I first moved here, I was scouring the aisles for pop, and lo-and-behold, I actually found a case of Crystal Pepsi on the shelf in the back. I was giddy beyond belief! From there, I also investigated other local grocers to find rare things, amongst my favorite, a can of Slice in one of the coolers. That hasn't been around in a decade! But for this trip, it really comes down to one specific place: the chip aisle. Ironically the very same as the magnificent pop aisle/milk aisle/produce... not important! And there I was, pale as a ghost trying to buy some chips. However, it quickly became a complicated matter when one of my beloved cavemen began staring at my lackadaisically put together outfit after the hospital. I'm not the paranoid, "people are looking at me type", but this transcends that. I immediately noticed him grab for a bag of the ultra-super deluxe flavor smashing Ruffles. We don't have chips in 2014, we have manhoods on the line! Naturally I went into a panicked state as I wanted to make a bold counter-statement. So I sauntered up and down that aisle, looking at every last item. Andy's Hot Fries... don't want to die; Tostitos? possibly, but I couldn't find anything but mild salsa (not a strong statement), and then they appeared: Extreme Doritos Chipotle. I snatched that bag with my hubris intact and quickly got in the checkout line, fully assured that I had secured my manhood for the day... Got home... Omg, these are burning my digestive track! What in the world was I thinking?! Now they are high in sodium, but it's the fickle human psyche. I have a doctorate degree and nothing to prove; regardless, there are just these moments in social interaction where you lose yourself and have to not wimp out ;) Is there a point to this post? Beyond that I personally cannot tolerate Extreme Doritos? Not really, but it's a little insight to my day that makes me chuckle at my own silliness come day's end. Laugh on your own gawdamn time. This is serious shit!

kalikshama -> RE: My small town (1/31/2014 3:19:57 PM)
quote: Inmate, if you do have an occasion to buy a new coat, I suggest a basic Carhart. Not so much for the fashion, although my 20 year old makes his father's look chic. But because if you're going to shovel snow or rake leaves or caulk windows, all the things homeowners do, the thing is indestructible. Yes, last storm we had, all the men who were snow blowing in my rural neighborhood were wearing Carhart.

DesFIP -> RE: My small town (1/31/2014 4:07:57 PM)
The one thing I don't like about it is that it's the same color as a deer. Just what you want to be wearing in the woods during hunting season, not. And that's the reason for the godawful blaze orange hats. You have better luck not being shot in that. Even if it isn't deer season, you could be out cutting wood in spring during spring turkey season. Or any time of year when someone's after squirrels or just target practice. The blaze orange keeps you safe.

MercTech -> RE: My small town (2/5/2014 5:34:14 PM)
LOL.... "Extreme Doritos"... according to an acquaintance that works at a Doritos plant, that flavor actually started as a revenge joke on one of the management types. They got him to taste test new flavors, all overloaded with hot pepper, then they shut off the water to the break room and shut down the water cooler. But, several of the line workers of Thai extraction begged for the seasoning recipe. They tried a limited run and surprise, surprise, the macho crowd buys a ton of them to prove they can. Now, when I go back to the town where I was born, population 560, the sportscoat gets left hanging in the back seat and on goes the multi pocketed vest. Yeah, it is my geek photographer vest but at a distance it is interpreted as a fishing vest. Now, if you get accepted as a geek redneck, all is copacetic. But, be prepared to be consulted on things like the easiest way to blow up a beaver dam. (You don't, btw. Big badda booms draw curiosity. But a batch of thermite wll burn it out below the water line. Great way to quietly burn out a stump too)

ARIES83 -> RE: My small town (2/5/2014 7:40:20 PM)
You're all chip weaklings...

DesFIP -> RE: My small town (2/5/2014 9:44:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MercTech Now, if you get accepted as a geek redneck, all is copacetic. But, be prepared to be consulted on things like the easiest way to blow up a beaver dam. (You don't, btw. Big badda booms draw curiosity. But a batch of thermite wll burn it out below the water line. Great way to quietly burn out a stump too) Now that's a scary thought. Making your own thermite and using it. Wouldn't it be easier to trap the beaver? No clue what a pelt goes for though.

MasterCaneman -> RE: My small town (2/6/2014 7:20:09 AM)
The only solution I see is a camouflage sport coat. With French cuffs. And when you go hunting, you'll need a vintage rifle using artisanally-crafted ammunition. And remember, when you hunt, do so ironically.

MercTech -> RE: My small town (2/6/2014 9:02:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Now that's a scary thought. Making your own thermite and using it. Wouldn't it be easier to trap the beaver? No clue what a pelt goes for though. If you trap the Beaver without a license; Game & Fish will confiscate your car, traps, firstborn, etc. If you just demolish the dam until the critters give up and move on; you are safe from prosecution for defending your property. And, never, ever, ask for government assistance in removing Beavers. You will find that; thanks to the beaver dam, you now own a protected wetland and can be prosecuted for removing the dam and reclaiming your property.

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