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BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/3/2014 8:13:28 PM   
Endlesslove22


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/3/2014
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline 		Hi everyone!

I've recently had a big life-changing experience. I moved back in with my parents who are open nudists involved in BDSM. I opened up to them about my interest in the lifestyle and that's why I'm on CollarMe and the forums: they suggested this would be a good place to meet new people and grow in my experiences.

I'm looking for advice. I feel like things between my parents have changed from child/parent to adults where the walls are breaking down and we're just turning into friends now. I have to stay at home while I'm in school and I'm looking for advice to deal with all of these changes and embarassment that I feel now all the time.

_____________________________

Love endlessly.
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RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/3/2014 8:17:58 PM   
asanaambitions


Posts: 62
Joined: 8/26/2013
Status: offline 		Well, what exactly is embarassing you? Living with your parents? Being privy to their sex life? Your interest in the lifestyle? Not that I think any of these are inherently embarrasing but it's hard to help without understanding some of the basics

(in reply to Endlesslove22)
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RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/3/2014 8:18:09 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		ooh boy! I don't envy you at all. I have a daughter who I found out accidentally was into all this. I would never, ever talk to her about this and thankfully I don't think she'd ever come to me about it. I told Master if she ever came on here, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. So if you never see me here anymore, that's why!

But since you're already open to all of this with your parents, ask them to give you some books and/or advice since they're already into it. If not, then I got nothin for ya.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Endlesslove22)
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RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/3/2014 8:22:28 PM   
Endlesslove22


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/3/2014
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline 		I feel like now that I've opened up to them they want to help me find someone; they want to help me understand the lifestyle a little more clearer. Which is fine, but that can be embarassing because I'm not used to any of this and because I feel like I'll disappoint them somehow. I want to be open and honest around them, but that can be difficult because that means exposing my interests and I'm not sure how to do that.

_____________________________

Love endlessly.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/3/2014 8:33:07 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		You tell them exactly what you said here.

Tell them you don't want them to help you and that your sex life is off limits to them.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Endlesslove22)
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RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/3/2014 9:21:40 PM   
DominantWoman65


Posts: 386
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline 		I was the first person my daughter came to after her first experience with another woman. She wanted reassurance that there was nothing wrong with her. We had a very long discussion. I was very open to her about who I am, however I did not, nor would I ever divulge any details of my experiences but I wanted to instill in her that she had absolutely nothing to feel guilty about or ashamed of. I give her my opinion when asked and the support that she needs when judged by others who do not understand her bisexuality.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/3/2014 9:43:06 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		I helped My adult son find his wife of 8+ years right here on collarme... its only embarrassing if you allow it to be.


_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to Endlesslove22)
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RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/4/2014 12:37:14 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		'Thanks mom and dad, I appreciate you being so open and supportive towards me. I'd rather keep my love life a little more private, but it's good to know I can come to you if I have any worries.'

Then just don't bring it up again, and if they keep bringing it up just politely persist with setting boundaries. 'Thanks but I'd rather not discuss that, I'll come to you if I have any questions.'


_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Endlesslove22)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/4/2014 4:01:02 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Other than maybe a safe call, I don't think your parents need any specifics about who you meet or what you do.

Its understandable that they may be anxious given some of the perils of what we do, but if you are smart and a bit intelligent, no more so than vanilla dating. Smile sweetly and tell them that they didn't raise a dummy, and you don't really need any assistance.

After all, do you really want to have a coffee klatch with your mum about preferring canes over floggers? I wouldn't.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/4/2014 10:06:17 AM   
Endlesslove22


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/3/2014
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline 		Thank you for all the advice and suggestions. I'm going to try and be more relaxed and talk to them about what I feel okay sharing, and what I don't feel okay sharing. There is a part of me that wants to share, and a part of me that's afraid to share. Transitioning from my parents being just that to friends is a strange process but I think it happens to all of us as we grow up and start to become independent.

_____________________________

Love endlessly.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/4/2014 10:13:27 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		It's good to transition to being friends with your parents. On the other hand, you don't share all the details of your intimate life with all of your friends, do you? It's still ok to have boundaries and politely change the subject if you're not comfortable with a conversation.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Endlesslove22)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/4/2014 10:21:36 AM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

ooh boy! I don't envy you at all. I have a daughter who I found out accidentally was into all this. I would never, ever talk to her about this and thankfully I don't think she'd ever come to me about it. I told Master if she ever came on here, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. So if you never see me here anymore, that's why!

But since you're already open to all of this with your parents, ask them to give you some books and/or advice since they're already into it. If not, then I got nothin for ya.




I get that completely! My oldest is in college and he posted a picture of facebook where he was leaning over his car with on of his friends standing behind him. I thought they were being perverted and posting it on facebook. I commented on him being a pervert and he said he was getting a spanking. I said oh good lord don't tell me anymore!!

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/4/2014 12:11:42 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I was 16 when I learned that my parents could be my friends. It was great. And like you, when we all sat down, they shared things they previously had kept quite about concerning the lifestyle. I was very lucky to have such cool parents, so are you.

You are lucky that your parents want to help you in ways that truly matter and affect your happiness. They have been just been honest with you and opened up about themselves. But you don't want to reciprocate with a pair of lifestyle nudists in to BDSM because you are embarrassed about your own kinks? I don't get it? To me it seems like you can't appreciate that fate has handed you one of the greatest gifts in life, parents that will accept and support you for who you are not who they want you to be. But I understand wanting to pick out your own pussy, so there's the rub. Just tell them to bug off and keep their nose out of your sex life.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Endlesslove22)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/4/2014 2:56:02 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Be honest. Tell them they're embarrassing you and giving you more info than you can yet handle. Promise you will come to them if you have questions. But tell them you need to go at your own pace, not theirs.

The only other thing is that if you're planning to go to meetings in the local community, is to make sure that they aren't going to the same parties. Look for a TNG group.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/4/2014 4:54:49 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I have a problem with children, even adult children, and parents being bestest of friends and such. I grew up where parents were parents, children were children...end of story. Sure you could be closer as you got older.

I'm my daughter's mother. Always have been, always will be. She will always get the mom side of me. That doesn't mean we can't talk about certain things better these days and go out to lunch as two adults and such but even then...I'm still her mom and I'm still gonna tell her that I don't want her doing certain things and how I feel about those things and how upset or proud I am of her as a parent. But I sure as hell don't want to know about her sex life or other TMI things. And she sure as hell doesn't want to know what mom does either.

Boundaries people. Boundaries.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/4/2014 9:37:03 PM   
Ionium


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/8/2013
Status: offline 		Everything involving parents is embarrassing!

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: BDSM and PARENTS! - 2/7/2014 9:58:43 AM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		There's a really good book called Boundaries, When to say yes, How to say no and take control of your life that you might want to at least scan the Amazon reviews of.

Your parents are nice people, but they def. are a wee bit eccentric on the whole kid/parent boundary thingie.

Lots of kids of nudists face similar issues as they age. Might be worth a google to find other likeminded people to talk to as well as posting here.

(in reply to Endlesslove22)
Profile   Post #: 17
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