Master of himself (Full Version)

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thegunslinger -> Master of himself (7/6/2006 7:07:41 AM)

In my admittedly limited studies of the lifestyle, I've notice phrases similar to "Before one can be the master of someone else, they must become the master of themselves". My question is what does "being a master of himself" mean to the other masters out there?



TxBadMan -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 7:16:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thegunslinger

In my admittedly limited studies of the lifestyle, I've notice phrases similar to "Before one can be the master of someone else, they must become the master of themselves". My question is what does "being a master of himself" mean to the other masters out there?

For myself, it means having control of my own life first; in all aspects from emotional, to mental, to physical, to financial.



Tearanny -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 7:31:10 AM)

I have seen the perfect example of a "dominant" not being in control of himself, allow me to explain.

When My sub iQslut came to Fayetteville the first time, she was wooed by a man that was older than she, a defense attorney for the city. He seemed secure, responsible, and to have his head on straight. She was in love with a man that was not secure, responsible, and his head was lodged firmly up his ass. Her "dominant" was a married man with 2 little girls of his own, and a wife that still to this day knows nothing of his outsteppings. iQslut was being told that he was already seperated, was given a book on how to be a step mother and put up in an apartment. He explained to her that the girls had asked him to stay at home, sleep at home so it wasnt so hard on them. Well to make a long story short; iQslut was a year into this mess when I met her, I helped her over the next year to get fiscally, emotionally, and mentally capable of leaving him. This did her MAJOR damage. He was never in control of his own life... he was NEVER a good dominant to her. And she deserves to be happy...I believe that is a prime example of what not to do!
I have spent the past two years attempting to clean up the mess he made of a beautiful person. I find that trust doesnt come easy with her now...she does have an uncanny ability to sniff out the fakes though, I will give her full credit on that one.
Dont ever lie to the one that gifts you with their everything... It can only backflash and explode.
We are still dealing with some of his bills...small claims court for the 4th time now. We have won them all thus far.




MasterFireMaam -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 7:32:28 AM)

Being aware and fostering growth of myself first and foremost. On emotional, spiritual and psychological levels, I simply cannot, in good faith, ask someone to do those things that I am not willing to do myself. In other words, I have my life together and have a lot of shit figured out (but not everything) since I've spent a lot of time analyzing what it is that I do and don't want. Of course, this is tempered with compassion for myself; sometimes, I simply have to say that I'm not ready for that step or lesson. I try to apply the same compassion to those who serve me.

Master Fire



Caretakr -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 7:35:05 AM)

It means having your resposibility for yourself together enough to show you can also do it with another.



subedana -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 7:53:23 AM)

A master of himself, to me is someone who manages the aspects of the everyday "real life" world about them. Maintains a household, hold down gainful employment, knows how to pay the bills, etc etc.




Noah -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 7:55:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBadMan

For myself, it means having control of my own life first; in all aspects from emotional, to mental, to physical, to financial.


I have found it more useful to come to grips with the fact that no one, including myself, has control of his own life in all aspects. Every submissive and every dominant, in a way prior to their kink relationships, is "subject to" the world and the moment in which they find themselves--though you can read various blustery books and thousands of similar web sites based on the impotent denial of this fact.

This comes very close the what I see as crucial central aspects of how BDSM can be a means of genuine spritual growth, but that is a matter for another thread.

If a some horrific tragedy befalls a loved one, I will be subject to emotions I would prefer not to experience; never mind all the crap people say about how no-one and nothing else has any control over your emotions.

Mentally and physically I could be struck at any moment by illness or trauma beyond my control, even debilitatingly so.

Financially it couldn't be more obvious that once again factors beyond my control could impinge on any given day, catastrophic illness, say, or war.

Pride goeth before a fall.

Accepting the fact that we live in a world ultimately out of our control--in any but a modest sense--is pretty important to any notion of maturity, for me, never mind Kinky Mastery. At that point one can realistically arrange one's life in the attempt to confront--or sometimes simply roll with--rather than control the challenges life may present. A lot of that consists in pro-actively and prudently attempting to account for your current and likely situations. These include, as teh BadMAn said: the emotional, mental, physical and financial. I suspect that I'm basically agreeing with him ... in my typically pedantic and sometimes contrarian way, . 

I personally have plenty of room for improvement in those four areas, though. I don't feel that I have mastered any of them. Even so, despite not having mastered them in a strong sense of the word I'm told by some pretty impressive people that my continued domastery over them is something they very much want.

On this basis I'd say that there is a strong kernel of truth in the saying that inspired this thread, but also maybe sometimes some assumptions to watch out for.  Similarly I find a good deal of wisdom in the post to which I am responding. 

I'm just a little wary of speaking in blustery terms about one's control of himself and/or/his world. In a given case perfectly moderate and well-reasoned meanings might be intended. In other cases it  might be a dangerous step down a slippery slope toward an equally porous notion of one's mastery over another person.



IronBear -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 8:13:19 AM)

If you would Master others, you first Master youself.
If you would Master The elements, you must first Master yourself.
If you would Master The Universe, you must first Master yourself.and the elements...



TopCurious0 -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 10:57:43 AM)

I see mastering oneself as more about self control. The ability to decide which impulses to follow and which ones to supress. The ability to handle emotions without letting them force you to do things that with time and consideration you would not. 

It is easy to give in to impusle and go full speed ahead in the moment, but sometimes you need to be able to stop, or slow down and control your speed. If I am with someone and creating a situation where they can let go compleatly, I need to be able to deal with all of that no matter how involved and excited I am. Mastering myself is reaching a point where I can trust myself to have a fraction of my awareness looking inword at myself and making sure I never get totally lost in the moment (but hopefully letting myself get close enough that I still have fun).




Padriag -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 12:35:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thegunslinger

In my admittedly limited studies of the lifestyle, I've notice phrases similar to "Before one can be the master of someone else, they must become the master of themselves". My question is what does "being a master of himself" mean to the other masters out there?

I've written a lot on this subject over the years, answered many posts on it and all my answers have dealt with self control, personal responisiblity, keeping your life in balance, cherishing your duties as though they were privileges and many other things.  But I still think a poem by Rudyard Kipling answers it far better than anything I've said.  Here then, is that poem.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream and not make dreams your master;
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build them up with worn out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute,
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth, and everything that's in it,
And, which is more, you'll be a Man my son!



heartfeltsub -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 1:50:12 PM)

i absolutely LOVE that poem Padriag, thank you for posting it.



amayos -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 2:53:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: thegunslinger

In my admittedly limited studies of the lifestyle, I've notice phrases similar to "Before one can be the master of someone else, they must become the master of themselves". My question is what does "being a master of himself" mean to the other masters out there?



This is essentially a matter of self-sovereignty; something I feel every dominant soul should be familiar with. One who has mastered himself is not easily lured or enslaved by his senses or ego.

If wrathful, easily vexed
If a slave to lust, easily clouded
If resentful, easy to poison
If egoist, can feed on an empty spoon
If too compassionate, easily baited
If reliant and needy, made weak




SusanofO -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 3:17:02 PM)

This is fast becoming a very educational thread!

I have a question: Do Dominanats not feel it is Manly man behavior to discuss something that is bothering them? I mean a life problem - not a relationship problem? Do they feel they cannot ever, ever admit they need to talk about some things - ever? I think I, personally, might ultimately crack under the strain (but I am not a Dominant so maybe I don't need to worry about it). But I hope they don't feel a need to never, ever talk about something that could be a real problem in their life - ever. How horrible for them. I am meaning no disrespect at all, by this question - I just sometimes think: Geez, poor Dominants. 

- Susan



Padriag -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 4:45:09 PM)

Speaking for myself Susan, sometimes I don't talk about things because its a self reliance thing... I'm just used to dealing with things myself.  Sometimes I don't talk about it because, frankly, I'm not even thinking about it myself, its a non issue.  I find that sometimes there are things that bother other people that personally I don't give a second thought.  There's also an element of not wanting to dump my burdens on other people, I was raised that a man deals with his own problems and doesn't push them off on other people.  I will discuss some things, but how much depends on how close someone is to me.  But for most people, you'll never hear a whisper of what might be weighing on my mind.



Noah -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 5:00:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

If you would Master others, you first Master youself.
If you would Master The elements, you must first Master yourself.
If you would Master The Universe, you must first Master yourself.and the elements...


Ok IB. You've piqued my curiousity.

What are the elements referred to here? I'm guessing you're not talking about turning lead into gold, or vice versa.

And what meaning do you take for yourself from the expression "Master the Universe"?





SusanofO -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 7:13:51 PM)

Thanks for answering. I can understand that.

As for the above comment: Yes I am kind of surprised that folks expect to be able to Master the universe. I was a Marketing Management major - when you have that secret written down, mail it to me and I'll see what I can do.

And I am teasing - (you know I've always loved you, Iron Bear).[;)] It does sound romantic and also has great apiration in it, though. You can slap me if you want to, but I am just expressing my opinion (and you are such a cuddle bear, who could ever want to hurt you)? It does seem a bit overly aspirational. Maybe someone can  Master the universe when they realize they don't control it all that much, if at all? I don't know what it means, maybe is what I mean.

- Susan



Caretakr -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 7:29:25 PM)

You master the universe, by accepting your place as a dust mote in it.

But a very capable dust mote.[;)]



SusanofO -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 7:41:48 PM)

Yes. I mean, Geez, look at the size of the universe. We're friggin' ants, is what we are. Smaller than ants. Yes, dust motes.

- Susan



marieToo -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 8:14:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thegunslinger

In my admittedly limited studies of the lifestyle, I've notice phrases similar to "Before one can be the master of someone else, they must become the master of themselves". My question is what does "being a master of himself" mean to the other masters out there?


From a mere mortal pile of submissive stuff,  I can tell you that its the ones who think they've mastered themselves that don't know dick.  I avoid those types.  I mean...yeah...ok ...wisdom, emotional maturity etc, its all great stuff to strive for.  But a wise man knows that he's never really mastered a damn thing.   To believe otherwise would suggest that there's nothing more to learn.  imo anyway....



Padriag -> RE: Master of himself (7/6/2006 8:21:14 PM)

Hehe... I think I'm too much like Zaphod Beeblebrox.

I'm not a dust mote.  I'm a human being, I have a highly developed brain and I have opposeable thumbs.  Universe... beware!  And heaven help you if I get my hands on a sonic screwdriver.  LOL

Humor aside, I see my place in the Universe as being significantly more than a dust mote.  A dust mote has no capacity to deliberately and consciously change its environment... I on the other hand, for better or worse, do have that capacity.  For all the destructive power in a giant asteroid careening through space, its still just a great big rock.  I on the other hand can move a mountain given a lever of sufficient size, or choose not too.

If people were to do all that they are capable of, they would astound themselves. 



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