dcnovice
Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006 Status: offline
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Dear Ones --- Pecking out a text to Mom, apologizing for the radio silence of the past few days, I produced my best Freudian slip in years: “I’m sorry I’ve been out of tough.” And “out of tough” is exactly how I’ve felt for a while now. I’ll spare you a catalogue of my woes, which range from major medical concerns to the vending machine at work. I’ll just vent for a sec on the top two. Chronic exhaustion tops the list. I honestly can’t recall when I last felt rested, and the needle’s long been past E on all fronts: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, professional. In the words of a favorite hymn, “I am tired. I am weak. I am worn.” Close-to-chronic pain comes in second. Even with painkillers, my bottom is sore an awful lot, and sitting remains a challenge. I sometimes think, with rueful amusement, of how the monks I haven’t visited in way too long order their lives around worship. Mine, in contrast, is ordered around Percocet doses: Oh God, when did I take the last one again? Has it been four hours yet? Kathleen Norris, in her wonderful book Dakota, quotes a wise cancer patient who’s afraid pain will sour her disposition: “I hope I die before I turn into an old bitch.” I how just how she feels. Indeed, by that yardstick, I may have already outstayed my welcome! Well, isn’t this an uplifting little epistle? Here I should weave in some hope or gratitude or a bit of God talk. But right now, I’m out of them too. Thanks for listening. I’ll try to be cheerier next time. Cheers, DC P.S. One consequence of being “out of tough” is that I’m also out of touch—which, of course, was what I’d meant to text in the first place. I’ve been appallingly remiss in answering cmails. If you’re one of the many kind folks I’ve yet to answer, please forgive me!
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No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up. JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE
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