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Your opinion - 2/9/2014 3:24:03 PM   
LeatherBentOne51


Posts: 89
Joined: 12/28/2012
Status: offline 		Would you be open to serving someone who is medically disabled? Why, or why not?
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RE: Your opinion - 2/9/2014 3:58:12 PM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline 		It wouldn't bother me because I have worked with "disabled" persons and I enjoyed the work very much, and I don't feel uncomfortable around them. But I think it would also depend on what type of disability he had and how entensiive it was. Certainly taking care of him and helping him would be part of my service to him, but at the same time.....is he "abled" enough to make me happy? And I don't mean just in terms of sex....but I would need to feel like my role in the relationship was more than just being his nurse. I've worked in home health care, and if it just felt like a "job" I wasn't getting paid for....I couldn't do it.

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She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

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RE: Your opinion - 2/9/2014 4:51:21 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I assume you mean physically?

This kinda depends. To what extent?
My initial answer is yes, I'd be open. But, like with the mental disability thread, it depends on what the problem is/to what extent.

(in reply to smileforme50)
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RE: Your opinion - 2/9/2014 5:02:42 PM   
slavekate80


Posts: 362
Joined: 7/4/2013
Status: offline 		It depends on the disability. I like being dominated mentally, physically, and sexually, and I'm not comfortable with giving medical care beyond little things like counting pills into a pill reminder case. So if he was still strong and healthy enough to take control of me, and my role was more akin to that of a maid/cook/chauffeur etc. than a nurse, I would be willing.

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RE: Your opinion - 2/9/2014 5:39:32 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		personally, no.

The word disability leads me to believe that someone is on disability benefits which means in and of itself not capable of doing the ordinary things we take for granted.

why? Because I like someone who can keep up with me not just physically but in every way possible. Being disabled would prevent that.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 2/9/2014 5:47:20 PM >

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RE: Your opinion - 2/9/2014 5:44:54 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Depends on what it is and how well he was coping.

For many problems physical therapy can help. It requires that for you to have as much mobility as possible that you are going to have to commit to doing your exercises for the rest of your life. If he's not willing to commit to that, then no. Same as my answer to the mental illness thread.

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RE: Your opinion - 2/9/2014 6:11:17 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		The term "disability" or even "physical" disability" is too broad. There are amputees who can run marathons, and people with mental illnesses who are geniuses.

I have mentioned my friend who is on disability for mental health reasons. Do I consider him relationship material? No, for two reasons. One is because there are things about his condition I would not accept in a relationship, the other is because there is no physical attraction. If the latter were different, my feelings might be as well.

Littlwonder's desire for someone who can keep up with her is a good example. "Keeping up" is different for all of us. Persoannly as much as I enjoy hiking and horseback riding, these activities are painful and off limits for me. But there are other aspects of me that someone might not be able keep up with. "Keeping up" is relative.

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RE: Your opinion - 2/9/2014 6:19:53 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Maybe I should put it a different way. I don't want to have someone dependent on me. I don't want to have to help someone do things, I don't want to be worried when they are going to have a breakdown or meltdown. I doubt I would even date someone without a leg or arm simply because I'm not attracted to such. And also usually when someone is on disability or have something that keeps them disabled, there are usually lots of doctor's appointments, papers to keep up with, etc....and it just means that person may not be able to pick up a moment's notice and do something or go somewhere.

I think I would feel like I'm tied down again like I was with my daughter and I just never want to feel that way again.

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RE: Your opinion - 2/9/2014 6:44:43 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		"Disability" is such a wide paintbrush.

I do not want to be a caretaker, and would not enter into a relationship with someone who required that of me. I'm not going to go to work for 12 hours functioning as a nurse, and then come home and do the same thing.

Some would say that's harsh, but I'd challenge those people to make their bits 'equal opportunity' before they started in on other people's relationships.

Someone with a physical disability or disfigurement who was still able to function in their day to day life without issue would still be an option. I have always had a bit of a thing for very large scars, go figure. I also don't mind temporary issues or injuries, or helping care for my significant other's ill family members.

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RE: Your opinion - 2/9/2014 9:37:00 PM   
House91


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/28/2014
Status: offline 		As stated, disability is way to broad. According to the US Gov I'm disabled due to my genetic disease, but I just chopped down a tree yesterday. Specificity is key on subjects like this.


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RE: Your opinion - 2/10/2014 12:49:36 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Depends on the disability. Or more specifically, the level of care involved.

I can cook for special diets. I don't mind running errands to the pharmacy. I'd happily live in an adapted house. But I couldn't be a full time carer. It might be selfish, but I have dreams and ambitions and if I had to be at home to dress and wash and feed someone, I think I'd become resentful. I'd start to feel less of a lover and a companion and more of a mother.

On the other hand, if my husband fell ill tomorrow, I would stand by him in a heart beat. He's already given me so much, and I adore him - walking away would not be an option. I do think it would put a strain on our relationship though.

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RE: Your opinion - 2/10/2014 7:53:43 AM   
LeatherBentOne51


Posts: 89
Joined: 12/28/2012
Status: offline 		What about someone who can and does live independently, including financial independence:

1. Can do everything the average person can do, such as household chores but just takes longer and needs rest period.

2. Can walk up to two miles without resting, but must walk slower due to poor balance and at times some pain. Has scooter, equipped for inside and outside use on rare occasions.

3. Can lift as well as the average person, independently bathe, dress, and take care of all hygiene issues.

4. Takes about 20 medications daily (NO NARCOTICS OR PAIN MEDS) and has approximate 3 medical appointments or so every month.

5. Can drive, cook and care for pets.

6. Diabetic with an insulin pump; no assistance needed. Well-managed with insulin, diet and exercise without neuropathy or other repercussions.

7. Heart issues, no heart surgery just meds and pacing required at times.

8. NOT home bound, and glad of it. Can pick up and take off at moments notice.

9. Emotionally and mentally well-balanced. No memory or cognitive issues.

10. Weak left side due to minor stroke in 2010, some speech impediment.

11. Major back surgery in 2009. Fully recovered with seldom light to moderate pain.

12. BDSM or sexual activity NOT affected.


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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Your opinion - 2/10/2014 8:01:52 AM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		^ that sounds fine to me.

(in reply to LeatherBentOne51)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Your opinion - 2/10/2014 8:19:16 AM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		Speaking as someone with a disability, if he can do all that, you should be just fine. Hell, he can do more that I can in some areas (I refuse to use a scooter, dammit). We all have shortcomings, a list of pros and cons. Look at them and find where they balance each other out.

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RE: Your opinion - 2/10/2014 8:37:39 AM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline 		I once worked with a woman who was a quadriplegic. She had not feeling below her neck but she was able to do certain things with her hands and arms. She could feed herself with an adaptive device attached to her hand to hold a utensil....and she could use an adapted computer. She had a full-time job working for a computer company.....which amazed me.

She also drove her own van, she could operate the van's wheelchair lift, but it was easier if someone was there to help, so home aide (sometiims me) would help her get herself situated in the van to drive to work. Then someone where she works would help her get out of the van and back on it at the end of the day.

After I lost my driver's license when I was diagnosed with epilepsy, I used to think about her all the time.....there she was almost completely paralyzed from the neck down, but driving her own van. Here I was....perfectly physically abled in every other aspect, but I couldn't drive. It was very frustrating.

I talked to a lot of Doms who told me that they didn't care that I couldn't drive.....and I alao talked to a lot who said it was a deal-breaker.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Your opinion - 2/10/2014 2:04:20 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		The fact that they have a heart issue and a scooter, can only walk two miles until the pain kicks in...those things alone would stop me from wanting a relationship with such a person. My activities tend to be much more active than that (until recently but it's only temporary).

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RE: Your opinion - 2/10/2014 2:28:33 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		LeatherBentOne,

I may be able to relate to some of what you're going through and why you brought your question to the forum, as I have different issues, but some similar. The way I have often put it with my situation is, that with all I have going on, it will take a very specific kind of person to want to take on all I have going on. There are no guarantees in life and anyone can be struck down in one unexpected moment, healthy and then not, but with those of us that already exhibit poor health or physical issues, it is more likely that we will become worse at some point. I also have said... how can I ask someone to love me in a romantic relationship, knowing I could die or leave them within a very short time?

People will be afraid of what is already known and what might come and believe we are looking for a caregiver now or later and they just don't see themselves for the most part, wanting to do that. I have even been passed over by a couple of men throughout a few decades that found a seemingly healthier person, that ended up without because she didn't fare so well and here I am doing better than any doctor expected and have lived 13 years longer than they said I would.

Recently, I started realizing that sometimes I put myself into a category of sorts. I started looking around at healthy women and hearing their complaints or comments about certain health issues and realized that I wasn't so far off what they experienced without all the issues I have. That will make you stop and think for a moment. Have I been unfair to myself because I focused on it trying to be fair to men, when actually in many ways, my limitations aren't as extreme as I might think they are? I am not sure that I believe that I am somewhat equal, because I am limited in many ways, but often times it is also a lifestyle choice. I've had relationships with men that had no problem with my 'issues' and then some that didn't know me or live with me that didn't feel they would want to deal with it all.

I do believe there are people that would be okay with things and then must account for those that really aren't seeking the type of relationship I would want or the length of time I would want to have it within. So lots of things come into play. This last summer, I was freed of a lot of things that held me back in responsibilities. I was free! I hadn't had that kind of freedom in nearly a decade. With a special foam seat, I was riding on the back of a motorcycle nearly every day and even had some very long runs. I was up, going and doing, cooking and remodeling, volunteering time and working on my hoped for late in life career. Yet, I had two hospital trips, days of rolling in pain and unable to do some things or had no interest in them because of it. Could the average person handle that? Yes... but still they would have had to go to the hospital with me and in kindness might have assisted me. Some just don't want to do that.

Shrugs... oh well... it is what it is. When we do find someone that can accept us for who and what we are and what we have going on... maybe that means we found a really special person and got lucky. I don't know... I am just taking it sometimes one moment by moment.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 2/10/2014 2:29:09 PM >

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RE: Your opinion - 2/10/2014 7:07:50 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Recently, I started realizing that sometimes I put myself into a category of sorts. I started looking around at healthy women and hearing their complaints or comments about certain health issues and realized that I wasn't so far off what they experienced without all the issues I have. That will make you stop and think for a moment. Have I been unfair to myself because I focused on it trying to be fair to men, when actually in many ways, my limitations aren't as extreme as I might think they are?


I've been dealing with chemical sensitivities since 1999 and expected my then-husband and every man after that to make "reasonable accommodations" like not wearing cologne, etc.

I still have to put a lot of effort into accommodating myself, but have been doing it for so long that it's second nature. My man wants to go away some time in the next few months and was a bit flabbergasted when I started talking about potential problems with hotels. I have a checklist in my head of criteria to look for and to exclude. It just takes a little more work to find someplace where I will be comfortable. We ended the convo agreeing that we could work something out.

I'm also very debilitated two days a month and warned him that I sometimes need to cancel plans due to this. At least this is somewhat predictable.

So yeah, I think you're being unfair to yourself :)

I disclose in bits as appropriate - before the first meeting, I ask him to not wear cologne. Before the first time we had sex, other things came up. Etc.


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Your opinion - 2/16/2014 8:08:56 PM   
BouncyBoo


Posts: 68
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline 		Fr: I would not, because I'm a horrible person like that. But I also don't get involved with alcoholics or smokers or anyone else outside of my preferences.

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RE: Your opinion - 2/16/2014 9:03:55 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm 59 years old. I have chronic problems of my own. But I don't view myself as disabled. At this age, everyone I know has some problems even if it's just arthritis acting up every time it rains.

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Profile   Post #: 20
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