RE: A *slight* problem

RE: A *slight* problem (Full Version)

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Passion357 -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/7/2006 12:29:18 AM)
I am still trying to think of a time have I willingly, purposely disobeyed Master. I can't think of one. I have been punished. My biggest punishment so far was a broken Promise which I still, and will always, remember. It involved alcohol. So, really I did not purposely disobey. I got drunk and forgot. Still NO EXCUSE. I think this problem with the OP's situation is simply Communication. Lack of communication. quote: Oh geeze.. I wrote the post from my own perspective and just 'ass'umed that she lived with her dominant as I live with Himself. (cripes! Why do I keep doing that!!) I would 'know' if Himself received the letter because I'm the one who checks the mail! ::sighs:: My bad.. you are absolutely right. I would not recommend that course of action for someone who has an unresponsive partner if I couldn't ensure they actually received the missive. Wait before you go saying you gave bad advice lol...I live with Master, and there have been times I felt the only way possible to get my point across without being blantently disrespectful (out of sheer frustration) was to write. And yay it worked. We still use this practice from time to time. I send e-mails, I write hand written letters, etc. But then again if she does not live with Him, and the main problem, for her, is His ignoring her, then maybe tis bad advice. No - No. There is no bad advice [:)] I wish you luck, alovingslavegirl. Well Wishes, ~Mate'~

srllile7 -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/7/2006 1:16:05 AM)
Maybe his not being Dominant or ignoring you or your actions is your punishment for blatantly acting out. After a discussion earlier this evening over the acting out on purpose topic, my Master pointed out that yes a sub can act out wether blatant or not but in almost all cases a Dom is going to recognize this and he may give the sub what they want 'a spanking' or what be it or may do something else to punish them such as not being Dominant over them.

txpet -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/7/2006 6:22:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis The thing is now though, you're doing something that you admit you know isn't working. At this point, He may be seeing even your attempts to discuss your feelings as a way of pushing Him to act and thereby control Him. While i really do think you need to discuss it, it might be better -- for now-- to change your pattern of what (might) appear to Him as topping from below, drop even trying to discuss it, and wait Him out. The changed behavior might put Him back in His mode of atttending to His subs needs in a more substantial way... Then deal with the rest on His timeing. Thank you. Yes, i agree with what you wrote as it is , mostly, what i was trying to say, also. i know as long as i RATIONALLY discuss anything with Master ... all is good ... but when i try to discuss soemthing while frantic or insecure .... no, that just doesn't work.

RavenMuse -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/7/2006 6:42:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: alovingslavegirl The problem is, that he won't listen to the ""Look, Master.....I am at odds in my mind, and I need to talk about it with you now, and it is a big thing for me, and I don't want you to ignore it........" He considers it childish...is it? My girl coming to me, respectfully like that, stating that she has a problem. Regardless if I feel that it isn't a problem, I need to find out WHY she finds it so. If I am busy I may tell her to wait till it is convenient for me, but it WILL get discussed. Of course we are only getting one side and out of context, but from the bit I quoted, I would not consider you to be in the wrong. Has he explained to you WHY he considers it childish?..... or is that just his way of avoiding dealing with it?

petcerina -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/7/2006 7:06:55 AM)
Considering that i just went through this last week, i can really empathize with you. If you are allowed, i'd love to become friends with you as it seems we may be two of a kind. i kept asking myself this question over and over. i wanted a quick fix. i'm sure that's what you are looking for too. i wanted a word, action or phrase that would help me to realize that i needed to serve Him. There isn't a quick fix. You need to figure out the long way to fix it. i tend to refuse going to forums since i have friends on-line to help me and most of the time it's just that i need to talk to Master. Three things changed O/our relationship for the better. A friend of mine was helping me to discover that i had too much power in the relationship and that strict discipline was needed. i agreed with Him and i mentioned it to my Master. After a fairly long discussion, He decided to try it and it's been working beautifully. Another thing that happened was that i was acting out because i was unable to spend physical time with Him as much as i did last summer due to going to summer school far away which was my own decision. i realized that as much as i hated not spending time with Him, there was nothing W/we could do about it at the moment so fighting was solving nothing. The final thing that drew it all together as He wasn't quite aware how i had changed since He went stricter, i begged for forgiveness one day when i was afraid that i wouldn't get everything done on time and He was very pleased to see this behavior. As it turned out, i did manage to get it all done and He was extremely pleased with me. This helped Him to see what He had been missing out on and He felt completely renewed. i don't know if this applies in your situation, but for me, it was discovering what the problem was in the relationship. The problems didn't happen overnight. It actually had been going downhill for a couple of months. i explained to Him my thought process no matter how silly it sounded. After i did that, He made the decision about where to take the relationship. i would suggest friends to help you figure out what's going on inside your head, because that is where you make the decision to disobey and that is where you need to search for the answers to your questions. i'll be happy to help if i can. Please keep me updated. :)

Fawne -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/7/2006 12:35:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania " I would try to talk to him. If that didnt work I would try it again, if that didnt work I would question him about whether he really valued my submission" ITA, juliaoceania - communication! If anyone cares, I'd like to clarify something i said earlier in this thread. I said "there are 2 types of submissives.. 1 needs breaking, 2 needs building. " I get it that it is both. Bad habits such as reactive words/ behavior do need breaking. Building? No, don't mean catering to. It might even mean food, water, a pat on the head. Does anyone here know how fighting dogs are trained? I know a bit... and it appears some dominants methods are akin to those who train pitbulls (who can be the sweetest pets one ever had) to fight in a gambling competition; a cruel, vicious sport. The dog either grows fierce or cowers. Thank you all.

juliaoceania -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/7/2006 12:42:23 PM)
What does ITA mean? Sorry for my ignorance

Fawne -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/7/2006 1:23:47 PM)
Oh! Hi Julia: it just means I totally agree. Thanks for asking. I mean I agree with what you said, that's all. Good luck and take care !

classykindasassy -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/7/2006 8:58:36 PM)
the thing is, we are all human... in my life, the only time i really feel compelled to rebel is when i feel pushed past my limits by life. sometimes enough is enough and something has to give - sometimes i will have been tolerating so much shit in life that it catches up with me. it is usually not so much a personal bent against my dom, but just me putting the brakes on in life, and because he is the next one to come into radar range, he experiences my resistance. but he has known what to do with it. it happened recently where i told him i was not going to go with him to a play party. to make a long story short, he masterfully and lovingly got me to the party and there administered a much-needed and vigorous beating which actually released the pent-up shit i was stuck with - looked bad in aftercare, but i actually had a mind-clearing moment of clarity that allowed me to start handling the life problem that had me so fucked up in the first place. if you're doing it as a vendetta on Him then i say you have a hidden resentment and are headed for big trouble playing games that way. you are picking a fight. if you get it and it doesn't go your way you will hate Him, and nothing solved, if it does go your way and you get your angst released, you are lucky if He takes it on in a way that works for you. it's a crap shoot. i would do the adult thing and figure out what it's about - tolerating him, or tolerating life stuff, and be straight with him about it before you get the boot out the door.

OsideGirl -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/8/2006 9:09:04 AM)
Yes, I've exploded, rebelled, thrown things, etc. I'm human, after all. Sometimes, the pressures of reality wear on me and they just burst out. I have a tendency to try and hold it together without burdening Master with my worries. Unlike some "Doms" here.........Master sits me down, asks me where it came from and talks it out. Without communication, there's no way to work these things out. Sounds like you need to sit down and talk with him.

SubMizu -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/8/2006 10:07:59 AM)
Talk to him, talk o him, talk to him! If He doesn't want to know why you're as upset as you are over this, then you might need to discuss release from His service.. I don't think subs/slaves should be mollycoddled but I don't think their emotional wellbeing should be ignored, either...

indigo302 -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/8/2006 1:31:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: alovingslavegirl So...i guess what i'm getting at is, how do you keep yourself in subspace, and how do you get your Master to be...more Dominant? I'd say it might help to stop putting up profiles looking for another Master.....but then again - it's just my opinion.....and it came free..

mylittlesub -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/8/2006 3:11:00 PM)
Interesting that this is "ask a submissive/slave" yet continually gets others to reply first, and in cruel tones. Why is that? But I digress... alovingslavegirl, I think every submissive/slave has those days when they want (or even do) rebel or revolt, or let a smart retort fly before they realize they've opened their mouths... beyond the punishment ramifications (after all, it IS up to him as to whether or not to ignore it and/or punish you), what does it tell you about your mindset? Are you simply having a bad day, grumpy, PMS'ing whatever... or are you ill at something within the relationship? Are you not feeling that your needs are being met? You mentioned that he "just ignores that like He does everything else", which is a flag in my mind. Are you feeling ignored? Is your service not satisfying either of you? Perhaps now is the time to sit down and have a very long and heart-felt talk - without the defiance. Be patient, be calm, be respectful... but above all, be honest with him. Tell him how you feel, where your mind is... and listen when he tells you the same. Only then can you begin to solve the underlying problems beyond the simple "petulant shit", as mnottertail so eloquently put it. [:D]

Curiossdragnlily -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/8/2006 3:25:04 PM)
Wow. That is not something that would be acceptable to my Master. i would have consequences for such behavior. But He would look at the situation to see why it happened and then decide on the punishment if one was necessary. But to "just" do that. No way. What i have found is that this is something that is "in" the Dominant/Master/Mistress to not tolerate such behavior. you simply can not "change" Them to react in the way that it seems you are seeking. It is Them. i do hope that makes sense. with respect, lily, collared and owned slave of Master Curios srn 308-692-331

nstyslave -> RE: A slight* problem* (7/9/2006 9:58:40 AM)
loving, Though i am not currently owned, i can only speak from my previous training with xMaster, and offer my opinion based on that. To act up/out, He saw as being a brat, and that wasn't tolerated, ever. Additionally i was taught that a "brat" is not a sub, and most Masters will not tolerate such from their sub/slave. (As Someone already posted, "she would get the boot.") However, from a slave/subs perspective, sometimes she will act up, and or test to make sure that He is paying attention, if she doesn't feel that He is. she tests, but if she does and is caught she better be prepared for whatever punishment He deems fit, the ulitmate punishment...her release. If punishment doesn't come after intentionally messing up (testing), then we wonder if They care, or even if they are paying attention. Maybe that is the case with you? But, having said that, i was also taught that the ultimate punishment was release, so i treaded very carefully on this issue. But, i also knew from the start that He would not tolerate it. i honestly feel that you have to look deep within yourself, and do some soul searching, and ask yourself why you do this? What is missing? What do you need? Is it testing? Is it to see if your Master is paying attention, or more simply is it just for attention and/or an act of defiance? Then respectfully approach your Master, and speak your heart once you understand yourself and why you are doing this. i am not judging you in anyway, i am just simply expressing my thoughts based on what i learned. i do not know the dynamics of Y/your situation. But, in my experience once one "surrenders," there is no need to "test," and act out. That surrender is absolute, somehow by reading your words it seems to me that, total control/surrender to Him, hasn't been given (for whatever reason), or this wouldn't be an issue? Merely my humble opinion. best wishes, nsty

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