Am i submissive or just kinky or... (Full Version)

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marksl -> Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/6/2006 11:35:25 AM)

Hi i got a question to one of the wise Dommes. I want to know am i really submissve or just enjoy a fetish kink of some sort. My sexual turn on which makes me wild is physical domination being beaten up by a woman when i fantasise on this its purely sexual i have no motivation to serve its just sexual turn on thinking about it. Now i been on and off in this lifestlye for a while but never really been comfortable trying to fit in as all the rules i seen i dont really want to do just the kink i explained. Is this normal is there any point of me particpating in bdsm as i dont want the lifestyle as such but only want the kink.

Its weird really the thought of a butch woman beating the crap out of me turns me on but serving her turns me off. is there a bdsm light subculture for us kinksters who feel this way:?



Caretakr -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/6/2006 12:10:30 PM)

No Domme here, but I have been in your postion under Dommes in the past.

Which is more important to you?

Your sex drive, or your drive to please?

Figure it out, and that will be your answer-and only you can accomplish that, mark.



MsKatHouston -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/6/2006 12:17:12 PM)

I think you answered your own question when you stated you had no desire to serve and that it is all about the sexual fantasy.  There's nothing wrong with that if that's what floats your boat.  But, are you sure?  Would you be motivated to serve for the right person?  When you think about your desire to please a women, what does it entail?  Do you desire that at all?

I am sure with some self examination and exploration you will be able to find the answer within yourself better than anyone else will be able to do for you.  The wonderful thing about the BDSM umbrella is that it encompasses a variety of different styles, tastes and intensities.  The first step os to figure out what you really want.  After that, find someone to explore with.  Perhaps a vanilla relationship with some kink.  Perhaps a BDSM relationship where it's more sexually oriented or part time, casual play. 

Just be honest with yourself and with others about what it is you actually desire.  Good luck.



marksl -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/6/2006 12:39:23 PM)

hi again Clare Mskat. you 2 are got me thinking with our last chat on the lifestyle and Dom/mes in general. i thought about this after the conversations had on here instead of this deep meaningfull lifestyle i see a set of rules i have no interest in what so ever but beneath it i like the kink. i think its better to be honest than lie about supporting things i have no interest in just to boast someone elses ego. Although the dommes i been with in real life none were very good at the psychological aspect apart from one but we were more friends. Btw what is a bdsm relationship none i seen are very bdsm more kink orientated, i dont think i seen a strictly pure bdsm relasionship which is partly why i dont think i found one either.



Caretakr -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/6/2006 12:50:18 PM)

There's a sliding scale from purely kink, to purely D/s, mark.

Some people like one place on it, some wander up and down-it's all about personal prefference. None if it is wrong, just a bit different.



MsKatHouston -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/6/2006 12:51:04 PM)

A relationship is just that.  Think of all the relationships you have been in over the years from friends to colleagues to girlfriends to fuck buddies.  There are certain "rules" that are inherent in all of them.  They likely differ from relationship to relationship but you are probably aware of particular expectations and responsibilities within each.  My BDSM relationship will be different from the next as they are all unique. 

The people involved are what is important and each person has particular needs and desires that have to be met.  If two people have similar interests and goals that relationship will work better than those who have opposing views. 

I am curious as to what you consider the "rules" or how you envision the lifestyle.  I have a feeling (of course, I may be wrong) you have a preconceived notion of what all dominants are supposed to be or how they are supposed to act and you don't necessarily agree with this.  However, dominants and submissives are first and foremost people and we vary in how we do what we do and in what we want.  Exactly what aspects do you have no interest in?



marksl -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/6/2006 12:59:20 PM)

the rules in what i see the set definations of what the roles are Dom and sub, there are clear rule systems if you look hard enough that govern this, i like the kink aspect but dont really want to play a role. but then again i do tend to question everything and havent figured this out to a point i am happy with it yet. MsKat the lifestyle is about rules that is what defines it as you believe you are Domme you agree to play the role to join in this game, i havent made that decision yet. ok guys i got to go thanks for the advice.



MsKatHouston -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/6/2006 1:04:39 PM)

It's just not the way I see it but I am not sure how I can explain it to you to open you up to other possibilities than your view which is, at least in my particular case, incorrect.  I don't play a role, I am who I am.  People who have a relationship with me have one because of who *I* am not because of a role I play.  I'll just agree to disagree with you here. :)



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/6/2006 2:21:25 PM)

only you can answer that



MstrssPassion -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/6/2006 3:53:12 PM)

BDSM is the kinky interaction

playing a role for the pure pleasure of it & for just a duration of a scene is being a top or bottom

As an individual... how you feel about yourself & how you interect with your personal relationship... the who you are... your mindset... how you are wired... this is what a dominant or submissive is & you don't have to have anything kinky going on in order to be either one of those ([;)] but it is always nice when you can work some of it when you find the time [;)])



mistressrose10 -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/7/2006 5:10:28 PM)

Your confusion is also evident in your profile. Without analysing the question to death, I would definitely peg you as a fetishist.Your honesty in examining the motives are refreshing-if only others of your ilk would cease from pretending that they want to serve when all they want is to explore particular kinks! There is room for you in the BDSM world just continue to be honest about who you are and what you are about.
Now how about a review of that profile?



ladylexington -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/7/2006 7:41:42 PM)

Markls,

Thank you for this post! Kink is good, kink is fun! It's okay to be kinky!

It would be so refreshing to get an e-mail that said, "Hey, I'm a masochist. Your profile led me to believe that you're a sadist. Want to chat?"

I would definitely prefer it over the long, tedious process I have to go through to weed out the people who are pretending to be submissives, but just want a kinky adventure. I may not pursue a relationship with them, but I would certianly respect them more.



MistressSassy66 -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/8/2006 10:41:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: marksl

My sexual turn on which makes me wild is physical domination being beaten up by a woman when i fantasise on this its purely sexual i have no motivation to serve its just sexual turn on thinking about it.
 




I too think you have your own answer in what you wrote.

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer"  is the quote that comes to mind.



janiceleeinsc -> RE: Am i submissive or just kinky or... (7/8/2006 11:02:02 AM)

I used to believe BDSM was kinky until I started studying and training.  I found out right away there were some parts of the life I could handle, and some parts I could not handle.   Before you go any futher with your sexual kinks, you need to realize who you are before you come across a real Domme who will let you know your place.   Role Playing is more is more like  age play and other type play rather than the physical side of BDSM.  Either your are a submissive or you are not.  If you are, it won't go out of your mind until you find your answers.  Best of luck.

Respectfully,  Mistress_Jan




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