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Why Can't I - 2/13/2014 5:18:01 PM

YourBigDaddy67

Posts: 34
Joined: 9/18/2012
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I have been hurt, I've had my feelings stomped on like cheap grapes. I have it in my power to hurt this person worse than they hurt me. I have it in my power to utterly destroy them and make them wish that they had never met me.

I know that what I have in "My back pocket" so to speak would cost them Big Money in the tens of thousands of dollars range, and leave them sitting by the side of the road going "What the F@ck Happened???"

However, I was never raised to be vindictive, I was never raised to be hateful. I was never taught to actively seek out the destruction of another simply because I could.

However, at the same point in time that I can not do this, I can't bring it on myself to destroy my blackmail, and there by remove it as a possibility forever.

Why can't I, Why can't I destroy this that I have over them, or why can't I use it against them?

I feel like NCIS, there was this file that Gibbs kept that everyone was scared shitless of. Gibbs finally used it as his get out of jail free card. I don't think this would benefit me like that, it would only serve to make someone Else's life Miserable. There is for me a bit of sadistic glee in thinking of them suffering like I have for the past few weeks.

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RE: Why Can't I - 2/13/2014 5:51:22 PM

MisterP61

Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
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First off, I have been in a similar situation, so I feel you. Second, mad respect for NOT acting on it. To Me that is a rare quality in a human being. Third, I believe you keep it for the power of knowing you could, AND, so it can be a reminder of what to look for in another and run the other way, AND, for just in case.

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

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RE: Why Can't I - 2/13/2014 6:20:22 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
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Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Especially if it will hurt others at the same time, which in most cases it will. I've never seen revenge as the way to go. Take some more time and breath. I know it sucks like hell to have someone getting away with something that is just wrong but it is just life.

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I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

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RE: Why Can't I - 2/13/2014 6:52:34 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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My Dear OP,

I'm going to tell you that I've been exactly where you are. I put a person out of My life that raised all kinds of hell. Pulled all kinds of nonsense about how My husband was supposedly abusing Me to his boss and others. (From what I hear, he still tries to convince some people of it to this day.) Threatened our local kink community with legal action. Made a mess showing up to community events, even after being told he wasn't welcome there. Dug up My husband's ex-wife to try to start sh*t that way. Still stalks Me, both net and real life. All of this was because he knew he had no power to hurt Me, so he went after My husband in every way that a person can try to screw with another person's life.

The time came when the husband's boss and another official type person wanted Me to pursue going through that person's CoC to make it all stop. The problem with that was, it would make Me just as guilty. It wasn't *just* that person it was going to effect. Like you, I couldn't bring Myself to do it, either. Oh, there were definitely times that I thought about it. Even times now that I sometimes wish I had because it might have saved some stress and heartache. My heart never ached for the person I kicked out of My life. Just the destruction that he tried to create after he was gone. In fact, I grew to hate because I saw just what kind of despicable person he really was.

Those were My darker moments. In the others, when I hope that I'm the person that I aspire to be, there's a part of Me that is glad I didn't do it. That I didn't cave to vindictiveness and so many bad thoughts that I had. I can't even sit here and tell you that I always will because I don't know what tomorrow will bring. It absolutely could still happen in one of My weaker moments. What I can tell you is that I know I won't feel any better for it.

The other thing I can tell you is that, no matter what came along to hurt you so bad that you are considering whatever it is that you are considering doing, it's not always going to be that way. If anybody's got a 'rise from the ashes' story around this joint, it's Me/us. I wouldn't have the submissive that I have in My life today if I would have done anything so low and I'm here to tell you that I would have cheated Myself out of something wonderful if I would have gone the other way. I'd have had no one to blame for that but Myself. If I had let hate rule Me, I would have never had a chance to be in love with both My husband and My submissive that I have now.

These days, I don't hate that person that tried to hurt us. I don't even think of him until something comes up that's related on a thread somewhere or somebody needs help with a similar issue. Kind of like what I'm doing here now. When I'm done typing this post, I'll go back to the complete apathy that I have for that person and feel not a thing for him. That's all he'll ever be to Me. Just somebody who did terrible things and who I'm glad is gone.

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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