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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 7:47:55 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

To everyone on this thread, I totally understand where the criticisms are coming from but I think we should remember we are talking to an individual who is injured and unaware of how to empathize with others. Let's not villainize someone who is reacting in the ways that he has due to an illness. He really is just sick, not a douche. He even brings up deaths and maiming on his profile, clearly this guy deals with flashbacks on a daily basis. I'm not going to judge because for all I know, I could have been in his shoes if unable to cope with traumatic events.
I just think we need to take a step back and realize where this type of abnormal behavior stems from rather than labeling someone for not being as able to cope as most of us are.

Being disabled or ill does not relieve one of personal responsibility.
He may be just sick.
But to not voice objection is very close to condoning.

I am a big believer in trying to walk in other people's shoes.
And you're right, sometimes we just can't know what it is like.

The great thing about people is they can learn... and change.
And that includes learning new coping mechanisms that don't involve intentionally hurting other people.

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 7:52:13 AM

Rawni

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GoddessManko may be very correct here.

Please listen.

I'm not awake here yet, but I saw similar things in my son. Impulse control, thinking oddly, not able to connect certain dots while totally seeming to get other dots. It was odd, frustrating and eventually dangerous. Most of the time he was okay, a gentle little boy to a young man... and then...OMFG.

I am not excusing the OP, nor did I excuse my son, but you all know something isn't right and to beat up on him rather than to ignore him... is pretty harsh when you know... KNOW there is a brain injury.

Being more than a jerk or brain injury... you want to carry that ugliness in the mirror if you are wrong?

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 7:54:54 AM

Rawni

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

GM, I appreciate and even admire the call to compassion.

But the OP stated clearly that what he does is a deliberate "act."

That is just it. The dots don't connect. The circuits are broken. They don't think normally. They may be fully aware of what they are doing and yet, not fully aware. Try living with someone like this for all the years I did. You learn a thing or two and it sometimes makes no sense whatsoever, yet it does. lol It is maddening at times.

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 8:03:18 AM

VideoAdminChi

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FR,

A number of personal attacks have been removed. Please do not post on this thread unless you can do so without attacking a poster. Remember, the truth is not a defense to making personal attacks. For example, if I demonstrate thieving junkie behavior, you still cannot call me a thieving junkie. If you need help expressing yourself in such a way to convey your point without making a personal attack, you may CMail me. If you have any questions, CMail me, but do not reply on this thread.

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 8:04:20 AM

GoddessManko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

GM, I appreciate and even admire the call to compassion.

But the OP stated clearly that what he does is a deliberate "act."

Thanks dcnovice, and I know it seems that this guy is just lashing out due to anger and bitterness, but I remember reading articles about vets with PTSD being misdiagnosed or ignored under the Bush administration due to VA cuts. Bottom line, they didn't want to pay these veterans the "benefits" which fall under the category of having PTSD.
And after dealing with someone personally who I believe has PTSD I can tell you that something emotionally is broken within these individuals that is often overlooked because they can hide it really well. I'm not saying this is necessarily the case, but it's not everyday someone talks about killing and maiming on the battlefield on a dating profile.
I think he needs to talk to a professional asap to figure out why he sees himself as "half a man", seems to lack empathy even for his female counterparts and seems to not have the awareness of how his actions affect himself and others. People can have PTSD years after the traumatic event. I read A LOT about it and it really changed the way I perceive certain people who may come across as just being "an asshole".
Yes, I have a deep love for our vets and this comes from a partially biased place but it's only because I have seen the # of our vets who need psychiatric help who fall through the cracks. Although it's MUCH better under the Obama administration, there are still many homeless vets who slip through the cracks. Under Bush, 1 in 4 homeless people were veterans.

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 8:13:35 AM

LadyConstanze

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I know a lot of people with PTSD, yet none of them displays that kind of behaviour, we took somebody in who suffered badly from it, it was sometimes pretty hard to deal with him, due to drinking binges, him having blackouts, very erratic behaviour, however nor he or the others deliberately behaved in a manner that I can't really give the name that it deserves or Chi will pull my post, but you get my drift.

At one point, you're an adult, you make choices for yourself, if those choices are deliberately hurting people's feelings, behaving very badly (please note how I am gnawing on my knuckles Chi) and then bragging about doing all that, and you call yourself a man or a woman, then you have to man or woman up and take responsibility, you can't help people who don't want to help themselves. What I find strange is that somebody with all those unattractive traits and a suffering wife to boot, wonders why he can't attract women, ahhh I got it, all shallow and selfish, could have nothing to do with the fact that hardly any self-respecting woman would like to be associated with somebody who doesn't show the slightest respect for somebody else...

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 8:15:16 AM

GoddessManko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

GM, I appreciate and even admire the call to compassion.

But the OP stated clearly that what he does is a deliberate "act."

That is just it. The dots don't connect. The circuits are broken. They don't think normally. They may be fully aware of what they are doing and yet, not fully aware. Try living with someone like this for all the years I did. You learn a thing or two and it sometimes makes no sense whatsoever, yet it does. lol It is maddening at times.

Wow Rawni, you and I can swap notes here, I'm sure. I honestly do not know how to help my friend in particular. I would love to know how to reach out and help because no one around him has any clue what's going on with him and in some ways they are enabling his bizarre behavior and for myself, patience is just incredibly difficult when dealing with him and in knowing how to deal with him.
I have tried to search every available resource out there, but every article you read contradicts the last one you read.
By the end of it, the only conclusion I reach is that I have no answers and I'm right back where I started. It's maddening and frustrating, and a part of it is they're able to function daily and HIDE the disease usually by following what they believe to be social cues.
Meaning, they at times only know appropriate emotional responses by imitating them. It's really the most bizarre thing.

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 8:21:20 AM

Rawni

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My son was able to pass himself off as knowing his right mind... he didn't. Now because he was able to pass himself off with someone that only saw him for a few hours total, he could be in danger as well as others. I lived with the kid/man and know the injuries I sustained, the threat... his inability to understand. He would act out in fear. He would get mad easily and break things. I would be on the phone with friends and they would say... get the hell out of there before he kills you.

The next day he would love me and say people were fucking with me and he was right. The next day, someone might give him candy and I would have hell to pay for days.

It is erratic, soul consuming because you want to help them and yet... there is little out there that even the professionals really get. Traumatic brain injury is very misunderstood and I never found a doctor that actually got it. My step son... another brain injured person... is stuck in a facility being forced to take medications I got my son off of. The meds can make it worse. Believe me... way worse.

Time sometimes helps, but sometimes they get worse and become violent and I don't know if that is because of how they perceive things or what exactly is going on... but whatever it is... with fairly normal thinking... we aren't always going to get it or know where the actions, etc. come from.

I would rather error on the side of caution.

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 8:25:18 AM

GoddessManko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I know a lot of people with PTSD, yet none of them displays that kind of behaviour, we took somebody in who suffered badly from it, it was sometimes pretty hard to deal with him, due to drinking binges, him having blackouts, very erratic behaviour, however nor he or the others deliberately behaved in a manner that I can't really give the name that it deserves or Chi will pull my post, but you get my drift.

At one point, you're an adult, you make choices for yourself, if those choices are deliberately hurting people's feelings, behaving very badly (please note how I am gnawing on my knuckles Chi) and then bragging about doing all that, and you call yourself a man or a woman, then you have to man or woman up and take responsibility, you can't help people who don't want to help themselves. What I find strange is that somebody with all those unattractive traits and a suffering wife to boot, wonders why he can't attract women, ahhh I got it, all shallow and selfish, could have nothing to do with the fact that hardly any self-respecting woman would like to be associated with somebody who doesn't show the slightest respect for somebody else...

LadyConstanze I hear you, but as "bad" as your friend's disease seems, it may not have been as awful as those who go on with their lives without the disease being detectable. These are people (your friends) who actually acknowledged they had a problem instead of fighting tooth and nail to deny that there's anything wrong. My friend has ONLY told me and no one else how much he has contemplated suicide and I honestly don't know if he's serious or attention seeking at times. In the meantime I'm doing crisis management for my entire family while his current life has the facade of perfection. So it is selfish, but he doesn't even have the awareness of it, he's that far into his misery. It's not deliberate, and it took me a really long time (months) to realize how sick he really was. What seems like selfishness is actually an empathy meltdown at times. Just an inability to understand how someone else feels even when there should be some awareness of it, example, the girl's tears.

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 8:30:39 AM

Rawni

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This isn't just PTSD. This is brain injury... personal injury to the point of a life changed in a huge way and how one perceives it.

It is no excuse for some of the behavior, but it explains it. The people around the person (us) need to be the ones that take control until something can be worked out. We can't do that from here... but we can choose not to engage. What will it hurt?

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 8:43:37 AM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thinkyoucanhang

I was replying in another thread and got an idea, how many other Disabled folks pull crazy stunts? I mean waaay off the wall? I'm an in your face loud kinda guy even down to my bright neon yellow shoes and off color saying T-shirts. Even in my picture one can see my weird humor.

I have a shirt saying, "I'm not disabled, I'm just lazy."

It's the small things that bring the most joy.

One can't forget the Mentally Handicapped with Tourette's act I pull! When sales people ignore me, I roll my head to the side limply, over emphasize my mostly paralyzed arm/hand and yell loudly, "THUPID BITH! NUMB CUNT, WHORE!" (for females) or "COCKTHUCKER, ASSWIPE DICKHEAD!" (for guys) then in a normal tone I ask if I got their attention now?

It embarrasses the heck out of my wife, but it works. I even had one girl bust out in tears and run off at Wal*Mart and I've pulled it in restaurants with slow service. Best part is nobody expects it or does anything about it but it DOES get their attention & results. I HATE being ignored or dismissed! Plus, it's funny.

I'll sometimes put my hand in my pants and act like I'm stroking off to avoid handshakes. Stuff like that.

I would like to know other ways folks use to purposely embarrass, gross out, etc that other folks find offensive and require more creativity than the crass purposely farting in an elevator.

My funny and your funny are in different galaxies. I would kick your disabled ass if you did that to a loved one of mine.

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 8:45:31 AM

GoddessManko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

This isn't just PTSD. This is brain injury... personal injury to the point of a life changed in a huge way and how one perceives it.

It is no excuse for some of the behavior, but it explains it. The people around the person (us) need to be the ones that take control until something can be worked out. We can't do that from here... but we can choose not to engage. What will it hurt?

Although I realize perhaps what your son faces is far more serious and baffling, I feel like a lot of what you say resonates with me like the "inability to connect dots". Honestly, what should have told me something was wrong with him is when I asked about the scars on his arm and he told me they were cigarette burns, that his mom who died of cancer when he was 9 used to hide him and his brothers from his intoxicated father." It's NOT just that he told me these things, but the way he did, it was almost as if he was discussing baseball. There was just NO emotional ANYTHING there as he told me about it. That's what tells me that he can't recognize when there should be at least some sort of appropriate emotional response in certain situations. He would cry in his sleep and be happy go lucky the next morning and not remember a thing. I'm not sure of how much I can involve myself at this point but I do send him emails urging he gets the help he needs and apart from that, saying nothing.

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RE: Crazy stuff we the Disabled pull... - 2/15/2014 9:29:17 AM

VideoAdminChi

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This thread has been locked. Please do not start another one with the same topic.

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