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ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
Situation- In searching for a new Dom, I keep hitting up against men with PTSD...yeah..I have a thing for military men so it is a hazard.
I know what PTSD is but don't know how severe (other than the cases you hear on the news which I figure are the extremes) or mild it can be. Is it something that will go on for life? Would you be worried about becoming involved with a Dom that acknowledges he has it?

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ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
I wouldn't date a military man due to my political and philosophical so it's not something that I've ever encountered. Would being a military man with PTSD put me off a potential Dom? Yes, completely.

Of course, if we were in a war and I loved a man who was conscripted against his will then of course it would be different. But if a person chooses voluntarily to join the army, knowing that there are people who would disagree with his choice, then he is 100% responsible for that decision and any fallout or effects that it might have. It's all about personal responsibility. I wouldn't date an ex-drug user with mental problems from their habit either, because once again they knew the risks when they decided to do it.

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ORIGINAL: pg4g

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ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
I wouldn't date a military man due to my political and philosophical so it's not something that I've ever encountered. Would being a military man with PTSD put me off a potential Dom? Yes, completely.

Of course, if we were in a war and I loved a man who was conscripted against his will then of course it would be different. But if a person chooses voluntarily to join the army, knowing that there are people who would disagree with his choice, then he is 100% responsible for that decision and any fallout or effects that it might have. It's all about personal responsibility. I wouldn't date an ex-drug user with mental problems from their habit either, because once again they knew the risks when they decided to do it.

That's understandable. Trying to protect your country is a horrible character trait...

rolls eyes

pg4g... I do not mind that she feels that way. In fact it is one of the main reasons I do serve.

Free speech is a "hot button" for Me, and after seeing how women are treated in the middle east, even more so. I always go back to one fact. If My mom and sisters hadn't had the right to their free speech, I would not be the man I am today. It is in no way a perfect place, but I got LadyPact for My wonderful wife, I have friends, and I am not socially awkward (though sometimes My NYer in Me can make others feel a little awkward at times).

Let Me explain that last part a little, and this is only ONE example of what I call My NYer. From a very early age, all I ever heard (from parents and friends parents) was a crap ton of cursing. It became something natural to Me, and though I have worked on it, the F-bomb has a tendency to get dropped a lot. To Me it is just a word... to others it is a bad thing. I have been know to use it as a verb, adverb and a noun in one sentence.

DesFIP... I also knew a couple of people who died in the towers, and a few who for some reason or another, either begged off of work (it was a rather beautiful NY day so I heard, I was stationed in Colorado at the time, and in fact had just started dating LadyPact, which is another story to tell at another time), or just got stuck in traffic during the commute. When I heard it on the local radio station on the way to work that morning about the first plane, I thought it was a prank (a very bad taste prank at that) and was about to shut the radio off, and then the DJ said a second plane just hit the other tower, and I could hear the shock in his voice, and I just went numb after that. It was in fact one of the worst days I ever had in My life, and in the Army.

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ORIGINAL: Rawni
With your experience, would you say that time has enabled you to do better by way of understanding it, functioning with it and maybe dealing with some of it?

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ORIGINAL: Greta75

Could someone here with PTSD experience with x-military guys give me an example of what would be signs of PTSD?
I never really thought about this, but my x-dom was x-military too, he always tells me about his nightmares that he was still in battlefield, he always wake up fully drenched in sweat, but I remembered I always find him extremely paranoid, like he thinks of things I never worry about, it's like everyone is out to cause us harm until proven they are harmless. I wonder if he had PTSD. At the same time, I always felt very safe with him, because his paranoid and takes all pre-cautions for everything and is not reckless. And I remembered he could not stand the sight of blood, even when I am on my period, sometimes I forget to tell him it's coming and he sees his dick covered in blood, he kinda calmly freaks out, but he told me he hates the sight of blood because he seen too much in war.
But at the same time, he looks back at his experience in the military with fondness and joy. He said if they would let him serve again, he was discharged due to an injury. He would gladly jump back right in, and many times look back in fondness wishing he was still a soldier, so I don't know if he has PTSD.

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ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I live in an area with a lot of returning military and am seeing more and more people on both vanilla dating sites and kinky ones that have suffered TBI and/or PTSD. My ex had mental health issues and made our lives a living hell but some of that I attribute to a lack of character on his part.

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Hey, I check the safety of a place too and I never sit with my back to a door or an exit.

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I have PTSD. I served in the military for over 13 years. I can tell you what triggers me, how to avoid triggering me and how to deal with it if you see me triggered. I know myself very well. Not everyone knows themselves as well. How manageable PTSD is will be determined by the person's ability to cope with triggers and recognize when they are getting into a sticky situation. By avoiding these situations, triggering occurs less often.

I have found that it is very important to explain to people close to me what MY symptoms look like. How I will act in seemingly normal situations helps them understand what they can expect.

...I have had no one ever say they felt my PTSD was a problem for them. I have led a successful business and do very well in just about every area of my life. PTSD is something I deal with, don't like at all, and will not allow to interfere with my progress in life. I would be irritated and avoid anyone that wanted to "mother me" around my PTSD. So, I caution anyone against discussing PTSD more than the person with it does. I hope this helps you, but most of all I hope it helps those that suffer from PTSD understand that they aren't alone.

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ORIGINAL: DomDolf
A professional opinion should be determined through a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist that has a clear understanding of PTSD. My thoughts, though I am not a psychologist/psychiatrist, is that this man has PTSD. What you describe doesn't sound like he is managing it well. Again, I am not a professional in this area.

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Personally, I'd be very wary of entering any kind of dynamic with a person with PTSD ever again.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I live in an area with a lot of returning military and am seeing more and more people on both vanilla dating sites and kinky ones that have suffered TBI and/or PTSD. My ex had mental health issues and made our lives a living hell but some of that I attribute to a lack of character on his part.

Yeah, I'm very familiar with this last paragraph.

In My world, the power dynamics swing another way than yours, but I thought I'd weigh in. Particularly with this part that I'm quoting.

With no offense to other posters, there's a big difference between having a friend or other kind of associate with PTSD, having PTSD yourself, and having to deal with the person with PTSD in some kind of dynamic. Depending on the severity of the PTSD, you're talking all kinds of different ball games. I tend to see it the same way as if you were asking the same question regarding other mental health issues. For example, if you were asking the same question about 'should I date somebody with depression,' without having any idea of how severe the depression is for that individual.

Personally, I'd be very wary of entering any kind of dynamic with a person with PTSD ever again. That's even with the acknowledgement that, to use your own words, I don't know how much of it was related to time in service, character flaws, or the mixed bag of other things who makes somebody the person they turn out to be. If I had a dollar for every time either MP or Myself said that person X, after a number of years, was so different than the person we knew during the first year of acquaintance, I wouldn't be responding on this thread now. I'd be off on My french riviera vacation. Yes, it really was that bad, both in the final year of the dynamic and after the dynamic was over.

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ORIGINAL: Greta75

One of the things he always mumbles to himself is that I'm dangerous to him, because I am a totally reckless person and he can't keep me safe and I can't follow his safety instructions and I put him in danger. I grew up in an extremely safe country, I can walk alone at 3am anywhere in this country without worrying for my safety, even since a young girl. As a 5 yr old kid, I was running about without supervision pretty far away from home alone, usually on a bicycle, so I do not see all the "dangers" he sees, also everything he explain to me is plausible if I'm damn unlucky but I guess I just never experienced all these things, so I never feel the need to be careful.
Perhaps he does have PTSD and my nonchalance about his paranoia was probably unhelpful. Wow, I wish I knew then, I could have been more sensitive, and not laugh at all the crazy scenarios he brought up that could happen.

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ORIGINAL: DomDolf

PTSD can vary in effect and intensity of the symptoms to a degree similar to the difference between stubbing a toe and a compound fracture of a femur. A couple folks have said that the triggers and understanding them are key. I agree completely.

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ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
Perhaps too when you were growing up it wasn't just a safer place, but a safer time as well?
You say that when it is explained to you, you see that danger is plausible.
Maybe you could try and understand the reality of his point of view a little?